I need a distraction, and Jordan is a perfect one, so I reach across and I pull him out of his pushchair to show them. Just as I suspected they would, Mom and Auntie Mary go mad for him. They grab him from me and shower him with love. Any mention of any man or father is the furthest thing from their minds. I breathe out a sigh of relief and enjoy the moment of respite while they fawn over my son.
This was the right thing to do, I tell myself decidedly. Jordan deserves to know his family.
I don’t think he’ll ever get much from Will’s family, it doesn’t seem like they’re very close at all, but that isn’t something I can talk to him about at the moment. I’ll have to wait. Just another thing in limbo…
“Oh, he’s so beautiful, Cici,” Mom coos. “He reminds me so mu
ch of you when you were a baby. It seems like you’re handling things very well. Are things okay at your apartment? Do you have enough room? You know you can always come and stay with me if you like. Your old room is just as you left it…”
I can’t tell her that I’m still at my old address in case she comes looking for me, but I really don’t want to end up living back with her either. Even if I didn’t have Will, that wouldn’t be the best option. I love my mom, but I fear she might be overbearing with my son. She might make it really hard for me to be in control.
“Oh, no. I have a bigger place now. Sorry, with all the baby brain it’s been impossible to remember everything.” I slap my forehead as if I’ve forgotten. “I’ll text you the address at some point.”
Mom and Mary share a look, it isn’t lost on me, but I think they fear now that they might push me away completely if they aren’t careful with their words. Much as I don’t like them feeling this way, it makes it easier for the time being. I guess I need them to feel like that so they don’t pry too deep.
“So, Annabelle and Landon had an anniversary,” I comment idly, wondering if me and Will should have celebrated the same day. That’s when we met after all… “That must have been good. Did they do anything?”
“Annabelle wanted to have a party, but I guess something came up because they didn’t in the end.” Auntie Mary shrugs. “I think they must have just done something the two of them.”
Hmmm, I can’t imagine Annabelle going for that. It must’ve been Landon’s idea to stop it. I want to know what’s happening with them, I’m interested to see how they’re getting along now, but I suppose I can’t find anything out unless I want Annabelle to know about Jordan which I don’t. She’s got one of the biggest mouths around and she’s already made it obvious that she doesn’t approve of me and Will.
No, I suppose I’ll just have to wait and see what’s happening with them for another time.
“Oh, well that’s nice,” I answer blandly. “I’m sure that was lovely.”
Mom gives me a look, she can tell that I’m unsure and I can see a twinkle behind her gaze. Maybe when me and Mom are finally alone we’ll be able to have a real catch up and a gossip. Then I’ll get the truth.
“You’re going to come and see us more often now,” Mom says quietly. “Right? I want to see more of this gorgeous little man. He’s so fabulous and I’m sure he wants to know me, his grandma, too.”
“Oh yes.” I nod, hoping that I can stick to this promise. “For sure. I will make much more effort.”
Chapter Twenty – Will
“Will?” I suddenly realize that someone’s trying to get my attention. I’ve been so absorbed in what I’m doing that it’s taken me a while to drag myself out of my own brain. I’m on a trail, one that’s started with the pharmaceutical company and is sending me on a roundabout mission through all sorts of weird and wonderful paths. I’m sticking with it though, I’m sure I’m on the right track. “Sorry to disturb you.”
I glance at Jones feeling my spirit crush as I watch him hobbling on his crutches. He’s getting there, and he doesn’t complain about his leg at all, but I suppose that’s because of what happened to Andre. He knows that he’s the lucky one here. He faced the Kingpin and came out of it alive. Only because that was chosen for him, but still. It leaves me wanting to be a little nicer to the poor sucker. To everyone, really.
“What’s going on, Jones?” I smile, pointedly ignoring his flinch. “Everything alright?”
“Erm, not really.” His trembling hand reaches forward to hand me an envelope. “Here, this came in a while back and it’s been examined by some guys and they’ve told me to pass it on to you. I’m sorry.”
I take it from him, my heart sinking as I do. I already know who this is from, it’s his same signature bullshit. Kingpin has more communication with me. He’s getting increasingly insistent about it, which suggests to me that I’m getting closer. I’m stepping on his toes with my trail, and he’s getting himself worked up.
I don’t let any fear show as I take the stuff from Jones, I don’t want anyone to know that I’m freaked out. The last person that I was even slightly honest with wound up dead and I don’t want to be responsible for another body. “Thanks, Jones.” I chuck it on the desk. “I’ll have a look through it in a moment, okay?” I can’t open it in front of him, this is something I need to really isolate myself with. It’s all about me. “Thanks.”
He doesn’t look like he wants to leave, it’s almost as if he has something else to say, but at the last moment he shakes his head and he turns to walk, or hobble, from the room. My only guess is that he’s seen the contents of this envelope and he doesn’t like the look of it. Maybe it involves him, I don’t see how else it can be worse.
Tentatively I reach out for it and I grab it. My hand trembles, but I chose to ignore that. I don’t want to think of anything like nerves while I look through this. I just need to get through it. I peel it back, my pulse racing at the speed of light as I do, and as soon as I see what’s inside, I drop it to the floor with a clatter.
“No.” I shake my head rapidly. “No, no, no. It can’t be, this can’t be happening.”
Inside are endless reams of photographs about the one person who I never wanted to see on them. Cici, everywhere. She’s been followed for months, I thought that we were being discrete but obviously not. Somehow, I naively convinced myself that we were getting away with it, but Kingpin saw it all. Nights out, her teaching, out on her own, her belly swelling with every passing moment, even with Jordan. My baby boy. Kingpin knows about him. And the pictures end in the most sinister way of all. Dated today, timed this morning, Cici out with her mother and who I think might be Annabelle’s mom. I remember her from the wedding.
This is a clear cut warning, and Cici is out right now, exposed. Anything could happen. Intense panic coils and curdles through me as I think about her. What if Kingpin already has them both? What if I’m too late?
I grab my cell phone out of my pocket and I hit dial. It seems to ring forever, I can barely stand the sound of it. I pace the room while frantic thoughts dance around in my brain. Why didn’t she tell me? I could have at least made sure that someone was there with her. I asked Cici what she was up to today and she didn’t give me anything. I suppose it’s possible this was a spontaneous thing but I’m still freaked. I’m supposed to know where she is.
“Hello?” As she answers, sounding unperturbed I almost don’t know what to do with myself. “Will?”