I took a deep breath and tried to shake the memories floating around in my head. I was in the middle of a class, listening to Glen give the rundown on safety. He had taken the lead on just about everything lately, seeing that I wasn’t quite up to the task. I wanted to be there, to be present, but I had changed, and I still couldn’t completely figure out the extent of it. I felt different, like something inside of me had taken a turn, like I wasn’t the same man I was when I had arrived in Aspen just a few months back. Every day, I looked for a sign, something telling me that Bea was looking for me, but the phone never rang, and no letters ever came. Without my information, it would be pretty hard for her to find me. My business was built on private clients, and I had never had any reason to actually advertise my company. Our name wouldn’t be in any yellow pages, and we didn’t have a website.
I knew that Bea lived somewhere in Colorado, but I had no idea where. The only thing I knew was that she was going to come looking for me in Aspen in a year. I knew no matter what that I would be there waiting, hoping that she hadn’t changed her mind. Hoping that some other man hadn’t come into her life, leaving her only briefly thinking about me on New Year’s Eve while cuddling up with him far away. I didn’t care that I might be all alone, sitting in the courtyard when the fireworks went off if it meant there was even the slightest chance that I would get to see her again.
“Cameron,” Glen whispered. “It’s time to do the movement checks.”
“Right,” I said, taking a deep breath and walking out of the building.
I hopped on the lift next to Glen and rode it up to the top of the bunny slope, trying to get my mind back on track so I could make sure this group of skiers made it down the hill without incident. Glen had been a good enough cohort that he had managed to have a whole slew of skiers go down over the last week without incident, even though I had been on another planet. I would have to eventually thank him for everything he had been doing.
We went through the movements, and I stood at the front, watching each skier go down. When the last one approached, she smiled at me sweetly and pulled down her goggles, pushing off down the slopes. As she skied, her brown hair blew behind her, and thoughts of my private day of skiing with Bea ran through my mind.
“Hey,” Glen said, rousing me from my daydream by slapping me on the shoulder. “You ready? I put everything away while you were helping the skiers down. Come on, I’ll race you to the bottom.”
I smiled and nodded my head, zipping up my jacket and looking down the hill. I realized at that moment that I hadn’t really gone skiing since I was in Aspen,
not having the want or gumption to face the hill. I pushed off, already way behind Glen, but not really caring. When I reached the bottom, I slid over to the bench and unhooked my skis, picking them up and carrying them inside. There was no concierge service at this resort like there was in Aspen, so we laid our skis on the rack and headed for the bar, a place I was becoming all too familiar with once again.
The lounge was small, but adequate, with old mahogany décor and the real feeling of a mountain retreat. There were large fireplaces strewn all around the lobbies and one at the back of the bar, crackling loudly. The bartender was an older man, with a kind face that I was sure had seen a lot through the years as a barkeep in a resort. I ordered a whiskey on the rocks and turned to Glen, who I knew was waiting for the right time to speak up.
“I miss Bea,” I said, cutting him off. “I know that is what has been making you wonder. I know you’ve realized that I am not quite myself lately.”
“Yeah,” he said, looking down at his drink. “But I didn’t want to push you. I know that it wasn’t something you were planning.”
“But it happened nonetheless,” I said with a sigh. “We spent Christmas together, and that was what really started it. We had an amazing time being fools, dancing to Christmas music, opening silly presents, and just having an overall hell of a good time. That night, I asked her out for New Year’s Eve. I knew when the invitation came out of my mouth that it was already too late, but at that point, I was so involved, I couldn’t turn myself away. The night was magic, like a damn romance novel, and when we had sex, it was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. To be completely honest with you, I was waking up with the idea of trying to keep something going with her.”
“What happened?”
“She shot me down before I could even say a word,” I said. “She had made up her mind that I wasn’t a man that could change, and to be honest, I wasn’t sure that she was wrong. I completely froze and just let her make the choice, leaving without a word. The last thing I did was kiss her on the forehead and head out of there. That was why when I showed up at the airport, I was less than grounded. That’s why for the last month and a half, I’ve been all over the place.”
“It’s all right, man, everyone is entitled to that time,” Glen said. “Remember when I broke up with Marisol, right after Christmas four years ago? I was a complete wreck.”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “I just never thought it would happen to me. You know me, not the settling down type. Now, I can’t stop thinking about Bea and what it could have been.”
“Why don’t you contact her?”
“I mean, I thought of that, but I have no record of who she is,” I said. “I called in a favor with the bartender, Brian, but the room was booked under some guy’s name. I guess he wasn’t able to take the reservation, so Hailey had paid him for it. Other than Bea from Colorado, I have no other information. I don’t even know if her name is short for Beatrice or something completely different.”
“What about her job?”
“She’s a ghostwriter,” I said. “She doesn’t publish her own stuff.”
“You sure know how to pick ‘em.” Glen chuckled.
“I just wish that I had done more to be with her.” I sighed. “I should have stood up in the hotel room and told her that she was completely wrong about me. I should have told her that she made me want to be a better man, that I couldn’t imagine my world without her. I should have done anything but get up and walk away. I never have been very good with women beyond the first date.”
“You don’t know that,” he said. “You just never let anything go past the first date. Look, I didn’t mean to push all that settling stuff down on you when we were in Aspen. I just wanted you to be content and happy, and I was really just projecting my insecurities onto you.”
“Aww, man, that’s all right,” I said. “It really didn’t have anything to do with it. I wasn’t looking whatsoever when I met Bea, but it just kind of happened to fall that way. My heart was attached before my brain could even catch up to what was happening. By the time it had, I was on a plane, making my way to New York. She said she was going to meet me in Aspen on the next New Year’s Eve, so I guess I’ll bide my time until then.”
“Hey, who knows? Maybe you’ll meet someone else.” Glen looked up at a big chested blonde, prancing her way toward us.
“Hi,” she said happily, staring at me.
“Hey,” I said, taking in a deep breath.
“My name is Honey, and I was wondering if you would be willing to book a personal lesson with me?”
I sat there for a second, almost frozen by her words. She wanted a personal ski day with me, and I couldn’t even imagine being around another woman alone for that long. I wanted Bea, not some slutty blonde at the bar.