Welcome to Hell: Rediscovering First Love

“That was just yesterday. I’ve been busy.”

“Too busy for your husband?” Micki sneered.

She was jealous of James’s wealth not that she should be. He was not much better as a husband than her husband in the personality department and the gifts that he had bestowed upon Kat and I were a poor substitute for love. When the chips were down and Micki knew that I was upset she would listen without offering sarcasm. Her jealousy seemed to vanish in a poof of smoke when I was hurting. That was something that I could never understand about her.

“Yancy said you took Kat to the hospital to see Kerry.”

“I took Kat to see Esther,” I clarified. “Kerry was there too. We are having dinner with him if that is all right with you?” I felt grumpy with Micki defending myself.

“It’s fine with me but I don’t think James likes the idea of you seeing Kerry,” Micki replied smugly.

“Just who told him I was seeing Kerry?” I asked dreading the conversation that I would have with my husband later this evening.

“Yancy told him,” Micki replied. “You don’t think I would tell him do you?”

“You never know.” My voice sounded petulant to my own ears. “How’s Yancy?”

“She’s fine. Why?” My sister asked suspiciously.

“I felt bad leaving her when I don’t get home that often that’s all,” I snapped at Michaela.

The decision to tell my sisters about her cancer belonged to my mother. I had decided to keep my mouth shut.

“God Gab keep your shorts on. I just asked a question.”

“Micki, I’m tired. I don’t like fighting with you. Why does many a conversation we have end in a free for all?” I asked her. I was resting my head against the telephone booth in the back of the restaurant.

“Yancy wants to talk with…” Micki tried to say “with you” but my mother yanked the phone away from her before she got the words out of her mouth.

“Michaela keep your shorts on.” My mother emphasized the word your as she had overheard the conversation between the two of us. “It is my phone after all,” my mother told her as my sister complained about her “jerking” the phone out of my sister’s hand.

“When are you coming home dear?”

“We’re having dinner with Kerry,” I explained. The other end was silent. I waited for some comment. My mother was never without a loss for words. “Yancy?”

“I think that is a wonderful idea,” Yancy finally declared with subdued happiness.

“You do?”

“Yes dear I do. Keegan needs a father. Every girl needs her daddy don’t you think. You have always been very close to Jack. Don’t you worry about James. I’ll handle him. Goodbye.”

“No…” the other words I had been about to say died on my lips when I heard the buzz of the dead line. God help me! My mother was going to handle James. Who would handle him when he got hold of me? I pushed away from the telephone booth.

I returned to our table and scooted in next to Kat. “Everything okay here?” I asked scrutinizing the two of them.

“Kerry was just explaining why he had never been a part of my life,” Kat replied unhappily.

“Oh,” I said.

Oh damn.

Kerry looked terribly uncomfortable. I wondered what he had told Kat that had upset her so much.

“Gab, I told her what I told you this afternoon,” Kerry supplied the answer that I sought.

“This is complicated Keegan,” I said to my daughter.

She scowled at us both. “I think you’re both freaking stupid. You marry a man you couldn’t possibly love at least not anymore. You don’t marry at all because you can’t forget her. All these years I’ve wanted to know you…more than what Grandma could tell me…you’ve wanted to know me too but you kept your feelings for my mother from allowing that to happen. I don’t get it.”