Welcome to Hell: Rediscovering First Love

“Keegan…”

“Mom, don’t. Don’t defend Kerry and don’t tell me that you married James for love. He’s a moron. You and I both know that.” Kat’s voice had risen. Other people in the restaurant turned to stare at us. We all looked around the restaurant uncomfortably. More fodder for the Hell gossip mill. “I’ll admit he did a con job on you until he had you but you could have left at any time over the last five or so years and you didn’t. I want to move back to Hell. Do you hear me? I want to be near Grandma, Pop and Nana. I want to see my cousins and Aunts and Uncles. I hate you both,” my daughter declared shoving me not too gently until I had to stand so she could leave the booth. There were tears in her eyes as she stormed off in the direction of the restrooms.

“Shouldn’t you go after her?” Kerry asked getting to his feet and glancing in the direction our daughter had stormed off with concern in his eyes.

“Kerry, in time, you’ll learn that Keegan does better on her own to sort through what is in her head and when she needs you…she’ll come to you.”

“But,” he started to question me.

“Kerry, she doesn’t hate either of us. Teenagers use the word hate frequently. I know her. When she’s ready she’ll come to one of us.”

“If you say so.” He didn’t look convinced but he sat down anyway.

Dinner was finished practically in silence while we ate our pizza. One step forward ten huge fucking steps backwards. I never should have left them alone.

#

James was waiting for me on the telephone when I walked through my mother’s door. I rolled my eyes heavenward and sighed with frustration. I really didn’t need this confrontation after my tense dinner with Kat and Kerry.

“Is he psychic?” I mouthed to my mother as I took the phone from her.

“Apparently dear,” my mother responded with heavy sarcasm. “He called as soon as you turned into the driveway.”

Reluctantly I held the phone to my ear. “Hello.”

“Where the fuck have you been?” James screamed in my ear. Cringing I held the phone away from my face while he ranted and raved. Every other word was the f-bomb. When he was done I held the phone back in place against my ear.

“Are you through?” I asked tiredly.

“No, I’m not. You’re inconsiderate and rude but what should I expect coming from that family that you do,” he snapped.

That had always been one of his attacks. He and his mother treated me the way that Yancy had always treated Kerry McCoy as if I were from the wrong side of the tracks.

“I think you said that earlier between the fucking dinner with the mother-fucking Kerry McCoy.”

“Gabrielle, you may allow your husband to talk trash to you but you don’t have to share it with the rest of us,” my mother scolded me from her chair.

She was sitting in her recliner reading a book by Sandra Brown, which she now held chest high so she could peer over it at me. Luckily my father had already gone to bed and wasn’t witness to this episode.

“Don’t be fucking flippant with me,” James yelled. “Now is not the time for that and tell your God damned bitch of a mother to shut her God damned mouth.”

The two of them had never liked each other. They were too much alike both seeking control of my life. Fucking all out fighting for it. Although my mother never abused me the way that James did with his words. She just frustrated me with her manipulation and controlling behavior. I could deal with her. I found myself thinking that I couldn’t deal with him any longer.

“Yancy, James said to tell you…my God damned bitch of a mother to shut her God damned mouth,” I said my voice shaking with emotion as I spoke every word. I knew that my mother would understand. On the phone James was gasping for air furious at me that I had actually repeated his words verbatim.

“Gabby you tell the dickless wonder…” Michaela began but my mother interrupted her.

“Enough Michaela. Gabby,” she began. I knew that James was in deep trouble because my mother never called me Gabby but she knew that he hated the nickname my sisters used so she had used it to annoy him. Gabrielle was more sophisticated. “Gabby, do you appreciate your husband talking that way to your mother?” She asked me with deadly calm and strength in her words. The woman had class.

“No Yancy, I don’t.” James could hear everything that Yancy was saying as she stood right next to me by the antique roll-top desk where the phone usually rested. He was silent waiting for her to give it to him.

“Then what do you tell him dear?” She asked seriously.

“Fuck off James. I’ll talk with you when you’re in a better mood.” I slammed down the phone’s receiver effectively cutting him off. I laughed until my sides hurt. Then, I hugged my mother.

“I would have put it a little differently but he got the message,” Yancy declared before putting away her book and kissing us all good night. “I’m tired girls. I’m going to bed. Goodnight.”

I watched Yancy walk up the stairs. Somehow I drew strength from her. I found myself standing up to James when I normally wouldn’t. I don’t think I had ever told my husband to fuck off. Then, I returned to the den where my sister was waiting for me. Michaela stared at me. I caught her eyes on me out of the corner of my own eye.