Welcome to Hell: Rediscovering First Love

“Wynnie,” I said noticing for the first time that she had grown. “God, you’ve gotten tall. Come here you,” I said grabbing her in my arms and hugging her tight. It allowed me the opportunity to take my eyes off my mother for a second.

“She’s been such a comfort to me,” Yancy declared softly.

“I’ve enjoyed sitting with Nana.”

?

??I’m glad that you were there for her,” I told my niece holding her in my arms while I stared at Yancy’s carbon copy. We would always have Wynne, I thought to myself. I pushed the thought out of my mind as quickly as it had pushed its way into my brain.

Inside, the men carried the luggage to different bedrooms as instructed by Keegan. My mother needed to lie down so she would be fresh tonight at Keegan’s graduation. I directed her to my room.

“You’re too quiet Gabrielle,” she told me when I closed the door and set her make-up case on the floor.

“Do you need anything from the case?” I asked ignoring her statement. “I could unpack for you.” I walked to her suitcase where Kerry had set it.

“Do you know what I need?” She asked me sitting on the edge of the bed.

“What?” I asked.

Afraid of her question.

“Will you lie with me on the bed like you used to when you were a little girl? I need that,” she said tiredly.

Tears sprang to my eyes and I could only nod. Yancy removed her hat and lay back against the pillows.

Faster than I had assumed she could in her condition she sat upright. “This isn’t his pillow is it?” She asked with disgust.

The sound that came from me was somewhere between a sob and a laugh.

“No. I threw his pillows away with the first garbage pick-up after our court appearance,” I admitted.

Yancy laughed. “What did you do with his clothes?” She asked.

“He took most of them,” I replied.

With shame, I admitted that I had burned his remaining expensive suits and clothing in the fire pit behind the barn. God, it had felt good to watch the smoke rising from the burning pile of very expensive suits taking away my sorrow and guilt leaving behind only anger that I had wallowed in pity for any length of time where James Ellerton was concerned.

Then, I lay next to Yancy facing her. She turned her head so she could look at me. “I look like hell. You can admit it now,” she told me now that we were alone.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“No dear, I’m not. The doctor has been giving me radiation now as well.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I swore your sisters to secrecy. You had enough on your mind without worrying more about me.”

“I wish you had told me,” I complained.

This was the first time that she had protected me. Usually putting me on the front lines with her antics. Her dealings with my sisters. She had prevented my sisters from drawing me into the drama. For the first time they were dealing with the madness not me. She had done this for me.

“Gabrielle, I’m going to burden you with a secret. I would like for you to keep it from everyone else.”

“What?” I asked hesitantly.

“The c-c-cancer has spread to my liver and bones.”

“No,” I cried out and then stopped myself from saying anything else until I could regroup my thoughts and emotions. My hand covered my mouth. Tears threatened my eyes.