Ben (The Sherwood)

Janice our server, a regular at Ike’s dropped our drinks on the table. “Your food will be right up.”

“Thanks,” Disa and I said at the same time. She was feeding Asia once again. Focused on her.

The silence between us was thick. Me, I was a straight forward guy. I believed in speaking what was on your mind and clearing the air except in this case I should have known better. Forcing Disa to talk was like walking on a mine field.

“Want to tell me what’s bothering you?” I asked unable to bear the silence any longer.

“What is wrong with me?” Disa asked.

I blinked a few times. Her eyes focused on me like tiny blue lasers. “Wrong with you?” I asked deciding that playing dumb might be my best option for getting out of here unscathed. I never should have broached this topic.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Ben. I know you too well.”

Shit. I rubbed my hands over my face and through my hair which had gotten a little too long. I wasn’t like Elijah. I didn’t want to wear my hair in a ponytail. I don’t think my job would like that either since I held a supervisor position.

“Disa, you work for my dad,” I repeated. “There was nothing wrong with you. You’re gorgeous.” That was an honest statement, but it didn’t make her happy.

She kept her eyes on Asia. “Jasmine accused me of being jealous.”

“Of…” I prodded knowing if it wasn’t smart to delve further into this topic. It wouldn’t do either of us to open these old wounds. I had been doing enough contemplation and regretting that I had lost Disa. She didn’t need to start doing that too.

I could guess what she was jealous of but why would she be jealous after this long? She had dated Kevin Ayers for nearly a year. A year that I waited in anticipation of hearing that she would marry him. That is what usually happened when you were our age and dated that long. Then she broke it of

f.

Slowly, her eyes raised, and she was looking at me. The honesty in them was unnerving. “You and her.” The statement was painful for her to make. If she thought I was going to ask her to expound on that statement I was not. I had asked enough questions.

Rachel raised bright, intelligent Hatfield men who knew when to quit asking dumb questions. This was dangerous territory for us.

Every single day after I walked away from her, I regretted it. Every single day, after my father told me I was just like him. Too young to settle down. After my father informed me that I couldn’t spoil Disa Riley. She was a nice girl. Too nice for me. After that, my womanizing ways only got worse. I was in pain and I wanted to block out that pain.

When I would go to Ike’s with Elijah and Disa was working she was nice to me but aloof. Her flirty smiles were directed at other men. I might have gotten a little jealous, but it was the best for me and my relationship with Dad. It was best for Disa, I told myself. She came with too much baggage. Dad and Rachel Hatfield. Disa went to church with my mother. Sometimes they even set together in the same bench.

She was a nice girl. At that time, I didn’t need a nice girl, I kept telling myself that same lie over and over trying to ease the pain of losing her.

I needed to get my itches scratched, Dad had told me and Disa was too complicated. There were those times when I heard she was seeing someone that the regret was stronger. I felt heartache for the woman that I had lost but I pushed them back and ignored them. The Hatfield brothers were good at that.

“Ben, I’ll be honest, Jasmine was right. I was jealous of her and you, but I didn’t not help her with you because I was jealous. I just didn’t want to get involved. I was hurt. I thought there was something wrong with me. You chose someone who not only looks just like me except has dark hair, she is exactly like me in personality too and I just couldn’t understand what was wrong with me.”

I gazed at Disa for a moment. Then I swallowed hard, so she had realized too that my attraction to Jasmine was because of her connection to Disa. I cringed while I gazed across the table at Disa because I could see the hurt in her face. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt your feelings,” I replied.

She lowered her lashes, so I couldn’t see those eyes of hers. Disa’s eyes, I realized were unnerving. “It’s my fault not yours. You can’t help who you like. I just wanted to clear the air. The tension between us since you were with her has been terrible.” Then she looked at me. “Ben, we were close friends once. I’d like that again.” Her voice was soft and enticing. I wanted so much more than friendship from this woman. I almost laughed at her description of us.

“I’d like that too, Disa,” I replied telling that voice in my head to ask her for more to shut the hell up. I couldn’t put us through that again.

“I would like to be a part of Asia’s life. Jazzy and I were close at one time. Why did she leave her? I just don’t understand her leaving her newborn baby.”

I explained what I knew from the letter. Disa frowned at me and I stopped talking. “What now?” I asked knowing something was wrong.

“Ben, her Mom isn’t a drinker. She does have a lot of children. She picks the worst men but Stephen, the father of the twins has been with my aunt for some time. He treats them all very well, including Jasmine. She left home at eighteen not sixteen. She had been on her own for a year when you met her. She was struggling to make ends meet. She had turned her back on her family because she thought they put too much on her, but my aunt was hoping that Jasmine would come around.”

So, she had lied about more shit. I licked my lips contemplating saying something to Disa but decided to just drop it. It didn’t do any good now. It didn’t change the past. I still had Asia and I couldn’t say that I regretted her. I gazed at the child in Disa’s arms and shook my head. I had no regrets at all for the child that I loved only the hurt my relationship with her mother had caused Disa.

“Jasmine got tired of being asked to do chores. Be responsible. My aunt had her hands full with Jasmine that last year before she left home. She knew where Jasmine was and decided maybe tough love would bring her home. I kept an eye on her from distance,” she explained. “So, did the owner of the diner where she worked.”

“What about her father?” I asked.

She shook her head. “I don’t know much about him,” she replied. “I don’t think he lives here anymore.”