The doorbell sounding yanked Brian from his somber thoughts. His legs felt heavy as he moved to the front door. He hadn’t realized he’d started to sweat until he ran his hand over his forehead and through his hair. Brian took a deep breath and blew it out. He had to calm himself down. This was what it was. He’d soldier through this obstacle like he did everything in his life. With a slightly shaking hand he reached for the knob and opened the heavy door. Brian didn’t meet Sway’s eyes when he let him inside. When he closed the door, Brian realized this was going to be the last time Sway was in his space. He turned his head and swallowed, Sway watching him curiously.
“Are you okay, Brian?” Sway asked, touching his shoulder.
Brian didn’t answer. Instead he turned and walked out the foyer, back to his library. He was going to need a drink after this for sure. He kept his head high as he did, though he felt as if a mountain was resting on him, trying to drag him down. When he turned into the room, he busied himself with picking up his books and returning them to the shelf, then tossing the blanket onto the foot of the chaise.
“Um,” Sway started. “I was hoping you wanted to talk. I have to say something and I hope you—”
Brian spun around, finally laying eyes on Sway. Oh, he was beautiful. There was plenty of sunlight coming through the open windows, enough to make it appear like a halo over Sway’s head. His hair was combed back, but the deep waves at the bottom looked so feathery soft. Brian almost stepped forward to pull Sway to him, so he could bury his lips right there behind his ear. Brian wanted comfort, and wasn’t that just the problem. He was taking too much.
“Talk,” Brian said with one hand. His face was like stone. He wouldn’t show weakness if he could control it. He turned and went to the wing-back chairs, so he wasn’t forced to sit too close to Sway on the love seat. He smelled too good.
He caught Sway’s stare when he sat down, it was one of confusion and maybe a hint of fear. “Are you sure you’re all right? You seem different.”
Brian simply shook his head, his face still impassive and body completely composed on the outside. On the inside, he was screaming for it all to stop. All the hurt and disappointment, please just stop for a little while. Enough for him to catch his breath.
Sway rubbed his hand over his peach fuzz, laughing a little uncomfortably. “It’s making what I have to say a little harder.”
No need to sugar coat it. Just say it. Brian could’ve given Sway an easy out, but no way. He was going to make him say it. If he was being honest. He had to actually hear the words. If Sway was going to kick him to the curb that quick then he’d take it like a man.
“My… um. I know we’re moving this at a relaxed pace, but I just wanted you to know that I’m in. In this crazy, fun, excitingly, intense thing that we have. I wanna see where it can go, if anywhere.” Sway bit his bottom lip nervously. “I was at home… and… I was talking… well, my mom wants to meet you.”
Brian finally registered what Sway said but he didn’t move.
Sway squeezed his eyes shut when Brian’s mask shattered. His mouth dropped open and he sat there staring stupidly at Sway. “Jesus, look at your face. Okay just forget it.” Sway jumped up as if he’d been poked and began to nervously pace and backpedal. “Forget I said any of that. I didn’t even mean for it to come out that way. It’s not how I practiced it… oh hell. Okay. I was… I mean I went home and my mom said I looked happy and she doesn’t really see me smile that much. Especially in the morning. I’m not a morning person at all. Well, except for this morning. I mean… shit.” Sway rambled on and Brian was too enthralled and stunned to stop him. “So, I was telling her that I really like you and I was going to try to spend more of my free time with you… or… I want to… if you do. Then Tweetie said that they must approve first. It’s so silly and old-fashioned. I told them that.”
Brian dropped his stupid head into his hands. He couldn’t believe what he’d done. He’d uselessly tortured himself for five damn minutes. Sway had been practicing how to ask Brian if he wanted to really give this thing a go and he’d thought…
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put that kind of pressure on you.” Sway was right beside him now. Rubbing his sure hands along his back. Then he heard what must’ve been Sway slapping his forehead. “I was the one that said we should take this slow and then I blurt out that shit. Brian, I really am—”