Brian stood abruptly, startling Sway in the process and yanking him up and into his arms. He was probably cutting off Sway’s circulation, but he couldn’t let up on his grip, not even a little bit. He thought Sway had slipped through his fingers already. This was a complete one-eighty. Sway wanted to introduce him to the only family he had left. Dana liked the idea of them together. Now Sway’s mom and that nurse who was like a second mom wanted to meet him. Sway must’ve talked about him. Good things. That had to mean… that meant serious business. Sway wanted him!
Sway laughed as if he was short of breath and Brian eased up his bear hug. “Is this good? I thought you hated the idea.”
Brian closed his eyes and soaked in Sway’s body pressed so tightly against his own.
Sway squeezed back just as hard. “I thought I scared you away,” he whispered against Brian’s neck.
Brian told himself then and there that he wouldn’t doubt Sway again. Not until he really gave him a reason. He’d almost triggered a panic attack or flashback by overthinking and analyzing. He had to stay calm. If this was going to be, then it would be. Taking Sway’s chin in his big palm, he tilted his face up and placed an innocent peck there that quickly morphed into a soul-soothing kiss. He could only imagine how confused Sway must be at his behavior. Now, he had to sit down and explain himself.
Sway nodded as he watched him sign. He told him the truth. “It wasn’t right to assume anything about you. And I shouldn’t lump you into any categories I may have developed in my head,” Brian tried to explain.
Sway look genuinely disappointed. Brian had doubted him for no reason. He didn’t want Sway to think he had trust issues, because he didn’t think he did. What he could be was pessimistic because of his situation and having been living it for so long.
Sway stood and moved as Brian signed. He didn’t follow him and crowd him, he had more to tell him and he wanted to give him some space to process everything.
“I have been having more flashbacks and panic attacks than normal, but I can get them back under control. This isn’t… it’s not usually so bad. I think we can both do this. Try at it. We’ll go at whatever pace feels natural; slow or fast.”
“This is going to be a learning experience for both of us. I haven’t had a steady guy since my freshman year… I think, it lasted long enough to call it steady.” Sway shrugged. “I’m not sure. But, I’ve steered clear of getting too attached to someone else, ya’ know. It’s hard when they don’t understand the pain I’ve experienced.”
Brian nodded. He did know.
Sway took Brian’s hand and led him to the love seat, sitting close to him. He took a deep breath before he spoke, his voice slightly rough with emotion. “Stanton was everything to me, Brian. He was the other half of me… the good half. He was only seven minutes older, but he acted like it was seven years older.” Sway chuckled fondly. “He was so damn mature, and I lived on his every word. I used to follow him and Dana around like a puppy, but they didn’t make me feel like that. We lived in a rough neighborhood—no real father figures around—and they protected me since I was always a runt. Gangs, drugs, violence, you name it, we faced it. But, D and Stanton always did the right thing. Never got caught up in the streets. D got into marksmanship and Stanton stayed busy with multiple jobs and school.
“He was going to be a doctor. He decided pledging to a fraternity for his sophomore year was a good idea; a way to make lifelong professional connections, he said.” Sway made a disgusted sound. “He would’ve got in and they would’ve loved him. Everyone loved him. On a night the pledges were supposed to have off from rushing, they’d celebrated, and started drinking then the bigger brothers called an impromptu meeting or whatever… frat crap. And pledges couldn’t say no.” Sway frowned as if he hated telling this story and Brian wanted to stop him to spare him the pain but he didn’t disturb him.
“My brother told his friend not to go, to forget it. There was no way they should drive. They’d take the punishment for not showing. Instead the guy was freaking out because if he didn’t get into his dad and granddad’s frat then he would never live it down.”
“He told the guy that if he was getting in the car, then he was too… thinking it would’ve stopped him.” Sway swallowed hard, he looked ready to break down but he held strong. “It didn’t. My brother got in, to try to stop him but the guy took off driving anyway. He wrapped the car around a street pole two miles from campus.”