“Stop doing that,” Sway huffed and flicked on the light switch.
“It’s honestly not on purpose,” Brian smiled, coming closer and wrapping his arms around him.
Sway fell into the embrace. God, Brian had shown up right on time. He’d been thinking about last night and this morning, praying he hadn’t done anything to damage their growing, fragile relationship. He’d been beating himself up ever since he’d told Brian what he’d heard. What if it had been a trigger? Sway hadn’t even thought before he spoke, too caught up in the moment. Since then he’d second-guessed himself so much that now he wasn’t sure he heard Brian say his name either.
“Everything okay, Brian? What are you doing here?” Sway abruptly yanked his head away from Brian’s chest. “You’re not supposed to be walking on that ankle. Why aren’t you home resting?”
Brian sat down in one of Sway’s chairs and spread his legs. “You’re cute. I don’t need a day of rest. I need to talk to you.”
“Okay,” Sway said uneasily.
Brian patted his thick thighs. Sway locked his door, then slowly straddled Brian’s big lap so he could see what he had to say.
“I’ve been thinking about last night. About what you heard.”
“You believe me?” Sway was confused.
Brian appeared the same. “I don’t know. I didn’t hear it, but… maybe it’s possible. My speech therapist has been noticing differences in my breath and pitch. Subtle but there. Baby, maybe I did, but I can’t remember what I did to make it happen. All I know is I think of your name and it eases the pain inside of me. It might even happen again.”
“So, what’s wrong?” Sway beamed, chastely kissing Brian’s mouth.
Brian straightened and asked Sway seriously, “Is that what you’re waiting on? For me to speak. Is that the only way I’ll hold on to you?”
Brian
Of all the times Brian wished he couldn’t read body language, now was one of them. Sway stared at him with the most crushed expression he’d ever seen. He eased off Brian’s lap, still watching his hands as if Brian was going to take the question back. He wished he could but he had to hear it, he had to see it. Before he went through the fire he needed to know Sway would be there waiting for him on the other side. A relationship for them wouldn’t be easy, it’d take work and dedication and Brian was willing to do it but only with someone who wanted him for him.
“Wow,” Sway sighed, going to the one, single-pane window in his neat office and staring out of it… not really seeing. “I was afraid you would think that.”
“You seemed disappointed when I denied it.” Brian went and stood beside him. He couldn’t stand the hurt expression on Sway’s beautiful face.
“I was disappointed at myself. Not at you. I thought… what if I didn’t hear it… and I just gave him false hope. I didn’t think at all before I blurted that out. And… I’m so sorry,” Sway said, his eyes shiny. “I hated the sadness on your face and knowing I put it there. It’s been eating at me.”
Brian pulled Sway into his arms. This conversation was over.
Sway held him tightly around his neck, his fingers threading through the short hairs on the back of his head. “I don’t need you to talk, Brian. I can hear you just fine,” Sway whispered softly, kissing his throat.
Brian nodded against Sway’s temple. He was good and most of all thankful that Sway hadn’t put on a big show. He’d looked hurt, but he’d reassured him where they stood without a bunch of drama and excessive waterworks. His admission was true. Brian lifted Sway’s chin, staring in his eyes and getting lost in the deep pools of milk chocolate. He worked his throat, beneath Sway’s fingers and flexed the muscles in his larynx, focusing to push thorough his diaphragm like he’d been coached.
“Brian, don’t,” Sway urged, obviously picking up on what he was trying to do.
Brian widened his stance and held Sway to him, bending his knees until their foreheads were together. He ignored Sway’s pleas and concentrated. Sway. Sway. Sway. Brian chanted in his head before he began to move his throat. He parted his lips, gusting breaths of voiceless air against Sway’s face. No sound. Brian inhaled deeply and let his belly fill with air then released it just as slowly. He tried to conjure every private voice lesson he’d had. I can fuckin’ do this. Colton said he’d speak when he had too, well dammit, he had too. He was ready! Brian swallowed and pulled from the base of his lungs, trying again. Sway. Sway. Brian slammed his eyes shut and grunted, concentrating. ‘Sway.’
Nothing.
Come on! You’re stronger than this! Brian could feel the tension in his scrunched brow. Then he remembered diaphragmatic breathing. Frustration evident, Brian inhaled again but was stopped.