Fix Me

“Bree don’t make any rash decisions.”

“It’s not rash. It’s what I need to do. I already looked into that one facility the doctor in the hospital recommended. I think it’s best if I go away to learn how to live with this. I need to focus on learning what it means to be blind. This situation isn’t working. I can’t live here. I can’t live under your thumb.”

“You are not under my thumb,” he protested.

“You know what I mean! You’re trying to tell me when I can and can’t drink coffee!”

I knew I sounded irrational and hysterical. I was attacking because I was hurt. My dad could sugarcoat it all he wanted, but it was pretty damn clear Luke was gone. He didn’t want to be burdened with me and my blindness. What kind of girlfriend could I be? He needed someone that could go out and have fun and keep up with him. He needed someone he could go to the mall without worrying about losing in the crowd.

“Bree you are exhausted. Let’s not do this now.”

“When should we do it?”

“After you have had some sleep. You need rest. You’re fried. I can see how exhausted you are. Take a few days and once you’ve got some sleep, then we’ll talk about what comes next.”

“That’s just it, nothing comes next,” I snapped. “You have to accept it for what it is. I’m blind. I won’t’ see again, and all this false hope is going to destroy us both.”

“It isn’t false hope,” he argued.

“Yes, it is. I’m broken. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Why are you letting this man destroy your life?”

“What man?” I said, pretending I didn’t know what he was talking about.

“Don’t be coy,” he replied. “Luke was the hired help. You were in a vulnerable spot and he took advantage of that. You know I wasn’t happy about the relationship, but it made you happy. I went along with it. Now that he’s gone—”

“So, he is gone!” I exclaimed.

“I’m not saying that,” he said. “I’m saying this could be a good thing. You need to move forward.”

“I’m going to bed,” I said and got up.

“Bree, wait!”

I kept walking, not wanted to hear any more. My heart was broken. I felt empty. I should have made Luke go home days earlier before he got a true glimpse of what it would be like to be with me. No wonder he was running in the opposite direction as fast as he could. I slammed my bedroom door, locking it behind me, practically running for my bed.

Angry and terribly hurt, I couldn’t stand what I was feeling right now. Luke didn’t even have the decency to say goodbye. I didn’t understand what I had done that caused him to leave without saying a word. He at least could have told me it wasn’t working out. I suppose if I would have been listening a little better, I might have heard him pulling away.

Pulling the blanket up around my face, I squeezed my eyes closed. I was going to sleep and I didn’t care if I had to lay in my bed for the next week. I wasn’t going to get up until I had slept a full night or day or both. I needed a break from the thoughts and needed to escape this sadness that was too heavy to bear.

“Please, please, please, let me sleep,” I whispered.

Instead of sleep, it was Luke that filled my head. I couldn’t quite picture his face, but I improvised. I thought about his smell and his laugh. I knew his general size which helped me create an image of him. I wanted to ask him why and what I had done. What I wouldn’t do was ask him to stay. I wouldn’t do that to him. He deserved to have a life without the burden of a girlfriend with visual impairments.

I was sad. Some people were bummed or down, but I was sad. My heart was heavy, and I just couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I scoffed. “No shit, Bree. You’re fucking blind.”

Chapter Twenty-Four

Luke

PAUL HAD MADE IT PRETTY clear that I wasn’t allowed to visit with Bree. He claimed I wasn?

?t in the right frame of mind and he didn’t want her feeding off the negative energy I was putting out there. I missed her and I wanted to see her, but I did understand what he was saying. I was still on the fence about staying on as her caregiver. I knew I couldn’t help her. That was what I wanted most for her. I wanted her to get better.

I had to wonder if I was bad for her. If I cared about her too much and wasn’t giving her the tough love that she needed. I hoped her dad was giving her what she needed to pull through the insomnia because I sure hadn’t been doing a great job of it.

There was no way I could stay in the cottage. The temptation to go see her was too strong. Paul needed time with his daughter without me interfering. I had a feeling he would be happy to see me go once she was all fixed up. He tolerated me because he wanted Bree to be happy. He saw the way the two of us were together and there was no denying we felt deeply for one another.