Fix Me

I frowned at her. “You’re acting like some sort of rabid dog.”

She grinned. “Sorry to burst your illusions, but this is me being nice. You keep messing with my friend and I will turn full-on foaming at the mouth and bite you.”

I chuckled. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“All right, Luke, I’m going. I’ll leave you alone. Take a walk. Have a drink. Do whatever you need to, but you damn well better be there tomorrow.”

I nodded. “I’ll do what I can.”

After she left, I considered what she said. I would love to be able to drink it all away, but it wasn’t going to work. I had to get through this thing stone, cold sober.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Bree

IT WAS GETTING VERY old. I felt like I had gotten a little more sleep, but it wasn’t nearly enough. I needed real sleep. I thought about calling a makeup artist to come over and give me a little makeover. I wanted to look like I was well rested. Then, I would call Ellis and ask her to meet me for lunch. She would seem me looking beautiful and declare I was fit for surgery.

I had listened to her lecture about wanting the surgery for the right reasons. She had given me the right answers and I would use them when she talked to me. She said I had to want the surgery for me and that I needed a good support system.

I did want the surgery for me, but I also wanted it because I wanted to be good enough for Luke. I wanted to show Luke I was worthy of being his girlfriend. I wanted him to see how fun I could be. I wanted him to see the other parts of me that had been quieted with the loss of my sight.

Knowing there was no chance I was going to be able to sleep right now, I got out of bed and went to the shower. I washed my hair, taking far longer than usual in the shower. I wanted to put on makeup. I wanted to feel pretty and normal again.

I was hoping my dad would be at work. I didn’t want to see him. I laughed as I realized what I had just thought. I wasn’t going to see anything, let alone him. “Dad?” I said, nice and loud.

There wasn’t an answer and I breathed a sigh of relief. I started my coffee and put a couple pieces of bread in the toaster. I realized then that I had started creating my new normal. I had fought against it for weeks. I didn’t want blind to be my new normal. Then again, I did like having a routine. It made me feel like I had a life.

I sipped the coffee and let the caffeine infuse my blood. For the first time since I had woken up from the accident, I had hope for a normal life. It wasn’t the life I wanted but there was no point in dwelling on it.

Just then I heard the back door open and I froze. I wanted it to be Luke, yet I didn’t want it to be Luke somehow. He didn’t want to be around blind, sad, insomniac me. Then again, if it wasn’t Luke, I was about to be robbed or worse.

“Luke?”

“Hi,” he answered.

I stood there, holding my cup and not knowing what to say. “I thought you quit.”

“No, I didn’t quit.”

“My dad said you were taking a break, which meant you were looking for a job.”

“I took a couple days,” he answered.

“I’ll be fine. You are not obligated to be here. I’ll be fine. I don’t need you.”

I heard his footsteps coming closer. “Don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what? Be honest?”

“I just needed a day or two. I’m here now.”

I shook my head. I didn’t want to feel the pain of losing him all over again. If I didn’t get my sight back, he was going to end up walking out on me eventually. I thought it best to get it over with.

“Go,” I said, suddenly overcome with emotion.

His arms went around me, holding me close. I held out my coffee cup to keep from spilling it on him as my tears spilled down my face. I hated that I was crying and I didn’t want to appear weak. I didn’t want him to see me as a poor little girl that needed to be pitied.

He held me while I cried it out. “You don’t need to be here,” I said, after I pulled myself together.