I put the phone down and sighed heavily. I hadn’t eaten since yesterday and was a little light headed but everything tasted like lead right now. I was considering running a bath when Barney buzzed the intercom.
“What is it, Barney?” I asked.
“There’s an Annie Cain here to see you and she said she won’t leave until I tell you she’s here. That she’s a friend.”
“I…” I heard her in the background, arguing with Barney, saying he’d have to call the police and have her bodily removed and I almost laughed at the idea of anyone manhandling tiny, fragile Annie. “It’s okay,” I told him. “Send her up.”
A minute later there was a knock on the door and I answered it.
“Hi.” Annie took one look at me and immediately put down the bags she was carrying and hugged me tightly. “It’s going to be okay,” she whispered. “You’ll see.”
“God, I hope so.” I led her into the apartment. “You shouldn’t have come. The paparazzi are everywhere, and they’ll follow you home.”
“Sawyer will hurt them,” she said, giving me an impish grin. “You know how protective he is.”
“I do.” I sank onto the couch, unsure what there was to say.
“I figured you weren’t taking care of yourself so I’ve brought comfort food.” She started unpacking the bags. “Chicken soup from the deli on fourth, baked ziti and cannoli from Giovanna’s, and Lars said this is your favorite drink at Starbucks.”
At the mention of Lars’s name, tears filled my eyes. I was so fucking tired of crying, but it seemed to be par for the course these days. Especially when it came to Lars.
“Thank you,” I murmured, taking the travel coffee mug from her. “I haven’t been able to eat anything—it makes me want to puke.”
“I know. But it’s going to be okay.”
“Everyone keeps saying that. My mother. My attorney. Hadley. You. But have you seen the fucking video?”
Annie met my gaze. “Yes. Sawyer and I watched it last night.”
I groaned.
“We watched it so we would know how to defend you.” She reached for my hand. “So we can help. We can’t help if we’re in the dark.”
“There’s no defending anything,” I said angrily. “I was a willing participant!”
I wasn’t mad at her but my whole life was falling apart and it was tiresome to hear everyone talking about it like this was nothing but a wardrobe malfunction that would blow over in a week or so. This video was online now and never going away. People for the rest of eternity would be able to watch it.
The thought made me want to puke. I hastily put the coffee cup down.
“Sheridan.” Annie’s voice was stronger than I’d ever heard it. “Anyone who watches that video, who really watches it, can see how scared and unsure you were. How young you were. How that pig was goading you and manipulating you…it’s not sexy or even porn—it’s a crime.”
“Regardless. That video is forever and my life as I knew it is over.”
“No. We’re all here for you. Even Lars.”
“The Lars ship has sailed.”
“No. It hasn’t. He loves you.”
“I kept a huge secret from him. He said some…awful things to me.”
“Awful things? Or just heat-of-the-moment, angry things?”
I gave a little shrug. “Does it matter?”
“Yes. It matters a lot.”
“Not to me. I needed him more than I’ve ever needed anyone, and he left me.”
“Oh, honey. He was hurt, but he knows he made a mistake.”
I looked away, absently reaching for the coffee. It smelled good and my stomach was growling despite how upset I was. I took a sip and it soothed me a little.
“I can’t talk about Lars,” I whispered. “It hurts more than all the other stuff put together.”
“Okay.” She smiled. “Then how about eating a little?”
“I’ll try.”
She stayed for another hour, forcing me to eat, trying to make me laugh, and then running a bath for me so all I had to do was strip and get in once she was gone. She was a good friend, and I realized how much I was going to miss her and Hadley and Nina. Without Lars in my life, I would lose them too and that was yet another blow on top of so many others.
I put away the food and tossed the coffee cup before padding into the bathroom. I sank into the tub and it actually helped me relax a little. I was so tired of being stressed. Something had to give because I wasn’t strong enough to do this much longer. Sitting there in the steamy water drained some of the tension from my back and I forced myself to breathe slowly and methodically. The last thing I needed on top of everything else was a back spasm.
Between the hot water, the soft music playing in the background, and half a glass of wine, I was considering eating when I got out.