My face contorted for a second before I got control. “Avianna, there is no reality in existence where I could ever reject you. If you can’t say the words, then we’re walking out of here together.” Please don’t say them.
Her sob wrecked me, and I pulled her into my arms, holding her tight.
“I reject you as my mate, Hawthorne. I will no longer wear your mark, feel your bond, or recognize your claim,” she whispered, her head against my chest.
White-hot pain sliced through me and Avianna cried out, sagging in my arms. It felt like I’d lost a limb, like I was bleeding out from a wound I couldn’t see. But I could see it, the bond snapping between us, recoiling with the force of a whip, drawing blood as it protested and fought. I held her as those golden threads lashed at us, as the mark on her hand faded from stark black to pale gray…to silver. It was as though she’d been scarred.
We both had.
My eyes burned, my throat closed, and my heart stuttered, but we clung to each other for that last moment, the princess and her lowborn assassin who had fallen in love with her.
“I can’t say goodbye to you,” she cried, tears streaming from her eyes, ruining her makeup.
“Then don’t.” I stepped back and made sure she was steady before letting her go. I unsheathed my favorite blade and put it into her hands. “Part of me will always be right here with you.”
“Hawke,” she whispered, holding the dagger’s handle tight.
“I had the sheath made to fit it. Wear it. Don’t ever fully trust them. Be strong,” I ordered her, stepping back so I could see her face. “Be smart. Use your gifts.” I started backing away toward the door, keeping my eyes on her for as long as possible, willing my feet to move, my lungs to breathe through the pain of losing her. “If you ever need me, I will always come for you, Avi. Always. There is no war, no threat of treason, no pain that could stop me. No Order that could keep me from you. I don’t care if you’re invisible, I’ll find you.”
She turned, facing me as I retreated. “But what if you can’t sense me now?”
I forced a smile. “Oh, Princess. It was never the mating bond that led me to you.”
“What?” Her lips parted.
“I always knew where you were by your fear.” I turned the door handle.
“I don’t understand.” She looked so lost, so broken, standing there in the middle of the room.
“Everyone at some point fears me, Avi. You were the only one whose deepest fear was always for me. Something happening to me.” Even now, that hadn’t changed.
“Hawthorne,” she whispered, another tear sliding down her cheek.
I opened the door and bowed. “Your Royal Highness.”
Before I could give in to the monster inside me that bellowed for me to carry Avianna out of here and damn the consequences, I walked away, holding fast to whatever control allowed me to breathe. Every step left bloody footprints on my soul.
“Hawke,” Samuel muttered as I passed him in the entryway. He looked like warmed-over dog shit, his eyes bloodshot and his skin overly flushed. Guess he really had stayed out all day feeding and fucking.
“My vow still holds,” I warned him. “Harm her, and I’ll just kill you slower.”
His fear of failure morphed for one second…to a fear of me.
The servant opened the door, and I strode through it without looking back. Ajax and Dagon met me on the front steps. Somehow, I got into the car.
Someone shut the door.
Someone drove.
We passed through the wards.
Only then did I order them to stop.
Only then did I open the door, fall to my knees and scream to the heavens as my king looked on.
“We have an issue,” Lachlan said to Alek as they stood in the middle of the pavement at the edge of the wards that locked us out of Deveraux Hall.
Every assassin was here with the exception of Ransom, who had stayed behind to guard his pregnant mate.
I leaned back against the black Range Rover, somehow able to stand, and looked at the group of them. I didn’t need to be closer. I could hear what they were saying just fine. Had she signed the papers yet? It had only been a half hour, and Samuel hadn’t exactly looked…prepared. Maybe he was taking his time. Maybe she still had time to change her mind.
But she wouldn’t. Avianna was stubborn, and once her mind was set, that was it, and when push came to shove, she’d said the words and rejected our bond. She’d chosen our people over…whatever we could have been.
You never would have let her dishonor herself by wearing your mark publicly, anyway.
Rage. Anger. Disbelief. Wrath. Jealousy. Grief. Madness.