“I’m not.”
“You’re not,” he says, rocking the crib when Grace begins to stir.
“No, Arabella is.”
Chapter 36
FLEUR
Grace has been going through a difficult stage the last few days. She’s constantly hungry, and her sleep is completely out of whack. Meaning I’ve had to lock myself away so I don’t lose my shit at people
.
The mix of hormones, lack of sleep, and the let-down that my breastmilk isn’t enough has left me on the constant verge of a breakdown. All because I feel like I’ve failed Grace.
God knows Casper has been a saint about my craziness.
The knock at the door makes me want to cry. Before she wakes up, I get up from the armchair I’m sitting in, rocking the cradle so that I can have a few minutes’ peace. It’s not been long since I burped Grace, but she was still fussing.
When I open the bedroom door, Leo smiles at me, “Hi.”
I’m still in one of Casper’s T-shirts that didn’t have baby sick, spit, or shit all over it. My hair is a fucking mess, and keeping my eyes open requires more effort than I can muster. But seeing him sobers me some.
“Sorry, I hope it’s not a bad time…” he says. His voice is quiet as though he knows that Grace has fallen asleep and any little thing will wake her at the minute.
“No, umm…it’s not. I wanted to see you, but things have been crazy.”
“I can come back later, or we can talk another time.”
I don’t know what on earth is wrong with me, but I am trembling inside. I’m looking at him trying to find any resemblance to the person I see in the mirror every day. All I can come up with is his dark hair because Leo is tall—past the six-foot mark—and he has the most striking green eyes and golden skin. Me? I’m a hobbit with dark eyes and pale skin.
“It’s okay, Grace is asleep and Casper’s just getting showered, so…” I open the door wider, letting him in. “You can make yourself comfortable. I need to let him know we have company otherwise we’ll have a real shocker.”
Having spent so much time with him before Lucian’s revelation, I didn’t think this would be so awkward. I’ve slept at his apartment. We’ve had dinner together. He was one of the few people that knew I was pregnant before everyone found out.
Leo doesn’t sit in one of the armchairs. Instead he stands by the crib, looking at Grace as though he’s never seen a baby before.
I grab a pair of joggers and some boxers and head into the bathroom. I need the time to take a few breaths before I go back out there.
“Is she asleep?” Casper asks from the shower. “If she is, you should have a nap for a bit. I’ll keep an eye on her.”
“Leo’s here. In the bedroom.”
“You left Leo in our bedroom? With our daughter?”
“Oh fuck! I brought you clothes. They’re on the loo.” I put his things down and rush out of the bathroom, brushing my hair into some semblance of tame.
“She looks bigger than the last time I saw her,” Leo says when I stand in front of him, his eyes never meeting mine.
I can’t blame him for not wanting to look at me. He probably sees the product of his father’s affair.
“You think?”
I peer down at her, and even though I’m exhausted as fuck, I smile, still completely and utterly in awe that Casper and I made her. That sweet little girl with her milk-grey eyes and olive-toned skin.
“Listen, I won’t intrude long, I just wanted to say that—” He pauses when the bathroom door opens and Casper joins us.
He looks down at Grace, checking on her as he strokes down her temple with the tip of his finger. His eyes find me, roving up and down my body like he’s checking me over too.