Not really. That was part of the fun of it.
But then as we tiptoed to the line of it being a little more than flirting … I did have hope it could be something else. If I’m being honest with myself, I did kind of have a little spot in the back of my brain that held on to the possibility that the flirting wasn’t all for naught.
Being in Nate’s orbit is different than any other guy I’ve been with. He’s smart and calm and sensible. He’s kind and caring. Not my typical type, which makes my insides wobble.
He’s usually all of those things, anyway. Last night he was a giant dick.
Maybe we ruined our friendship, anyway.
My mind goes from Nate to Ryder and the pancakes this morning. I squeeze my eyes shut and replay our exchange. His face is clear in my head. I can visualize the shadow that crept across his eyes as we talked about his mother.
“I did that when I was a little kid.”
Why did I say that? I never talk about my life before the Carmichaels with anyone. Well, not with anyone except Hollis, and that’s because he understands. I’ve never shared much about my time with my biological family with anyone. But the words toppled out of my mouth this morning to Ryder like I was talking to a mirror.
I understood him. And I think he connected with me too.
That can’t be wrong. Can it?
“This is way too complicated for what it is,” I say, getting to my feet.
“What’s too complicated?”
I turn around and see Kinsley standing behind me. I make a face, and she grimaces.
“You know what?” I say. “As much as I know you don’t have the room and I don’t want to sleep on the floor, can I please stay with you until I can find an apartment? Or I can get a hotel room or something.”
This isn’t good for my sanity.
“You know you can. I’ve already told you that.”
I nod. “I’ve been thinking about school and how hard it will be to concentrate on that with him walking around. Not to mention how uncomfortable it is in his space.” And how Ryder seems to like me, and I don’t want him to be sad when I leave.
“Can you do me one favor, though?”
“Sure. What?”
“I have a date tonight with Leo. Actually, you can totally come with because we’re going to this bar by the beach and it should be a lot of fun. We’ve been there before. It’ll be a reason to get you out of the house.”
I frown. “What’s the favor?”
“Can you please stay at Nate’s one more night? Give me one last hurrah with Leo at my place? It’s already planned or else—”
“Speak no more. If I have to, I’ll stay in a hotel tonight. I’ll call Maddox and get him to pay for it.”
She laughs. “I wish I had brothers to help me out.”
“It’s a trade-off. Trust me.”
I look over my shoulder to see the instructor head into the back room for class. “We better get in there.”
We pick up our mats and head toward the class.
“So come over tonight around six? Seven, maybe?” Kinsley says. “You can leave your car at my house, and we’ll take an Uber. It’ll be fun.”
“I like the sound of that.”
She grins. “Wait until you see Leo’s friend, Griffin. He’s—”
I stop in my tracks. “Griffin? Like blond hair that spikes up in the front and wears a brown flannel, Griffin?”
“Yeah. Sounds like him. How do you know him?”
I stare at her.
“No.” She cocks her head to the side in disbelief. “That’s not the guy … He wasn’t the one in The Gold Room, was he?”
“Yes.”
“What are the freaking odds of that?” She laughs. “Oh, my gosh.”
I cover my face. “He’ll probably run. He didn’t say a word when Nate came up behind me. I feel so bad.”
“This is your chance to explain. It could be a second-chance romance.”
“Why does my life just keep getting more complicated? Why can’t something just go smoothly?”
She shrugs as I wave to the instructor. Sounds of a rainforest trickle through the speakers. It would be so wonderfully pleasant if I could find anything wonderfully pleasant.
We place our mats on the floor and sit in the center. As the other classmates get situated around us, Kinsley leans in.
“Wear your denim skirt and that white top with the ruffled sleeves. You know which one I mean?” she whispers.
“Yeah.”
“And your black booties with the heel.”
I shake my head. “Anything else you want me to do?”
“Nope.” She leans back and grins. “Just have fun.”
Just have fun.
Why does that seem like it’s going to be harder than it sounds?
FIFTEEN
NATE
I’m such an asshole.
I smack my hand off my steering wheel and growl into the air.
No matter what I do—or what I intend to do—I keep making shit worse. Why couldn’t I have talked to Paige last night when I got home? Why couldn’t I have at least been cordial this morning?