Because you still had fire roaring through your veins at the sight of her talking to that douchebag.
And I was a little embarrassed.
I need to talk to Paige. I need to try to explain myself and, first and foremost, apologize. She’s livid, and she has every right to be.
Yet she was still sweet enough to make Ryder pancakes this morning.
My heart squeezes in my chest, and it compounds the guilt riding on my shoulders. Listening to her talk to him while she made him breakfast nearly killed me. She was so gentle with him and handled a tricky topic so well, even sharing a part of her life that she doesn’t ever really talk about. But she opened up to my kid to make him feel better.
Fuck.
I take a left at the stoplight.
What do I say to her? Where do we go from here?
Are we done? Does she see through me and just want to be left alone? Because I wouldn’t blame her if she did.
Or is something between us salvageable, and if so, what does that look like?
My stomach churns like it has all night and all day.
I don’t know.
I don’t see a way of resolving this.
If we stay friends, clearly I won’t be able to stand seeing her with another man. Because that kiss? That kiss made every part of me feel alive. The taste of her. Holding her soft cheeks. Feeling as though she was mine to take.
It turns out that I don’t have to have sex with her to feel territorial. I already feel like she’s mine, and no one else deserves her. Not that I do either. But at least I know I’d protect her and care for her and not treat her like shit.
Even though that’s kind of what I’ve done lately.
“Fucking hell,” I grumble.
But what if we try a relationship together? Would that make any sense?
It really seems like it’s that or we never see each other again because I’m not mature enough to handle anything in between.
But there would be no point in trying something with Paige. I want forever, and she’s scared of it. Unless I could get her to see it’s possible.
But could I see forever with her?
All day, I’ve driven around Savannah and mulled this over. I was going to call Dominic for advice but realized he’d just berate me for being an idiot, and I can do that myself. I’ve tried to get some space, some fresh air—some perspective. But, if anything, it’s made me look at the last eight months and see something quite surreal.
Throughout all the banter and flirting, we’ve grown close. I’ve trusted her with things that I rarely give to others. Parts of what makes me, me. I’ve focused on thinking I want someone mature and stable, but the fact of the matter is—maturity isn’t determined by age. Our friendship is … was solid because we’ve been real with each other. I allowed her to stay in my house because I trust her with my son, my world. And I wouldn’t do that with just anybody.
The only time you do that with someone is if you’re already in a relationship, right? Isn’t that just perfect.
And I’m more than pissed because I think I might’ve blown it.
The fact that she might be gone when I get home has my stomach so tight that I think I might throw up. The very real possibility that she might tell me to fuck off has my palms sweaty. The idea that she might walk out of my life completely feels like a hole has been drilled in my heart, and that’s when I know I’ve already started to see the potential of forever with her.
Do I actually want that? I don’t know. Epiphanies can take a while to process, apparently. And is it even real, considering her take on things? It’s a potential problem.
All I know is I like the idea of my life a whole lot better with her in it than the feel of it without her.
Ryder already loves her, too, so it’s not like I’m bringing her into his life for the first time. I’ve already pooched that kick. So maybe if we take it slow, not act like it’s a big deal in front of him, it’ll be okay.
If she’ll even consider it. And if she doesn’t … Ugh.
I turn onto my street and then into my driveway. Her car sits in her spot, and seeing it there is a huge relief.
I kill the engine and hop out of my truck, jiggling my keys in my hands as I get to the front door.
Lead with the apology. You have to own what you did last night.
I open the door and step inside. It’s quiet. Shutting the door softly behind me, I then measure my steps to find her.