She stretches, the little bell on her collar jingling. The sun has nearly set and my apartment is soaking up the final few rays coming through the window. I flip on some lights and glance around on my way to the kitchen.
It’s coming together. The walls still need a fresh coat of paint, but I just don’t have time to dedicate to that. Still, it looks a ton better than it did when I moved in here a few months ago. The couple before me had a more modern approach to decorating. Everything was white and black and straight lines. It was absurdly boring. The pottery pieces I’ve collected over my entire life help add some color and make it feel more like my own space, something I’ve never really had.
Eric’s face zips through my mind and I feel my heart pitter just a little. I miss him. Of course I do. I didn’t leave him because I didn’t love him. I left him because he basically told me he planned on leaving me eventually.
“You did what?” he hissed.
“I dropped out of school,” I told him. “Nursing isn’t for me, Eric. It sounded like a good career path initially—good money, good job market. But I hate it. Loathe it. I’d rather stick a pencil in my eye and gouge my eyeballs out than do some of t
hose things. I just thought I could love it, and you thought it would be good for me.”
“It is good for you,” he laughed angrily. “Mal, what do you think you’re going to do with your life? Huh? Making coffee in some businessman’s office is not a career path.”
“I don’t just make coffee! I’m the Executive Assistant to the CEO. I’ve worked there for four years and have been promoted twice. I’m the highest paid administrative personnel in the building and I managed that while I was going to school for the last year. They say I’m a natural and I love it, Eric. It’s what I was born to do. Business is—”
“Mal, sweetie, business isn’t for you. It’s for . . . other people.” He took off his jacket and looked at me. “Your boss probably likes having a young piece of ass in the office. Why wouldn’t he?” he sighed as red-hot tears blurred my eyes. “This is going to sound blunt, but you need to hear it. Your boss is blowing smoke up your ass to get you to spread your legs. And if you think I’m going to work my ass off to take care of you forever, you’re crazy.”
My heart broke, his words strangled me. “I don’t,” I cried. “Why would you say that to me?”
He looked at me with pity in his eyes. “Do you think I don’t realize what you did? You hitched a ride up here with me so you don’t end up like your parents. You thought I was your Golden Ticket.”
“Eric,” I said through a smattering of tears. “I came because I love you.”
“I love you too. But . . .” The look he gave me, more than pity, of indifference, slayed me. “You don’t really think you and I are going to last, right? I mean, we have fun. Sex is great. But we’re not, you know, marriage types.”
Leaving him was the hardest thing I’ve ever done because it wasn’t just leaving him. It was leaving my life there, everything I knew as an adult, everything that was comfortable. Yet, being on my own, while scary as all get out, has been liberating. Making choices from dinner to my job are all mine. I’m actually creating my life and figuring out what works for me. For the first time in my life, I feel like I might be strong enough to do it.
There’s nothing in the fridge when I look inside, which is fine considering I’m not really hungry. As I try to determine whether a visit to the yoga studio or a bath is in order, the phone rings.
“Hello?” I say after I find it at the bottom of my purse, directly under the water bottle that caused all the commotion earlier today.
“Hey, you!” Joy chirps. “I got the job.”
“That’s fabulous! When do you start?”
“Next week. We need to celebrate.”
I cringe as I sink at one of the mismatched chairs at the kitchen table. Joy’s description of celebration doesn’t mesh with the description of my wallet. Her parents are friends of the Landry’s, meaning they have money. Lots of it. They could probably wallpaper their house with it if they wanted to.
“I’m going to be working a lot this week,” I say, figuring it’s the truth. “I’m not sure I’m going to have time to go out or shopping or whatever you have in mind.”
“Sienna and I are going shopping tomorrow after work. You’re invited, of course, but if you can’t, I understand, you working girl, you,” she giggles. “I need a completely updated look. Professional, but with a twist, you know, because there’s no reason to look stuffy.”
“Of course not,” I chuckle.
“Sienna said she might be going back to Los Angeles soon. I don’t think she planned on staying home so long, but she really missed her family.” Joy giggles.
“I’d miss them too,” I say, fanning my face. “Can you even imagine them all together in one room? I’ve only seen them in groups of two. I think my ovaries might explode.”
She bursts out laughing. “Graham isn’t how you remembered him, huh?”
I stand, the blue-and-white checkered cushion sticking to my legs. “I could kill you for not warning me,” I huff. “I had an hour—an hour!—to wrap my brain around the fact that he looks nothing like he did at eighteen. Not that it was helpful. I needed a friendly sit down from my best friend,” I emphasize, “and an explanation of what I was getting into.”
Joy’s voice bounces through the line, her amusement in this situation annoying me. I march through the house and into the bathroom and begin filling up the tub.
“I didn’t realize you didn’t know. I guess I didn’t think much about it. I mean, I talk to you practically every day. I forget you weren’t here.”
“Paybacks are a bitch,” I warn her.