Love on the Lake (Lakeside 2)

“What does that mean for us?”

“It means we can be friends, and if you’re still interested in trying to be more than that when I’m in the right place, then we can try to be an us again. I’m not asking for promises, though, Aaron. I know that’s not reasonable, and a lot can change between now and then, especially when we don’t know how far away then is.”

He rubs his bottom lip. “I don’t think I’m going out on a limb if I assume that this is a friends-without-benefits situation.”

I chuckle, glad for the moment of levity. “You would be correct.”

“I guess I should have kissed you when I had the chance, then, huh?” He blows out a breath and gives his head a shake, glancing up at me from under his lashes. “I know you’re not asking for promises, but I’ll take friends until you’re ready for more. However long that takes.”

CHAPTER 30

NEW BEGINNINGS AGAIN

Teagan

Over the months that follow, I settle into a new routine.

Living with my dad this time around is different. In a lot of ways, it feels like he’s stepping into his dad shoes in the way I need him to. And I’m learning to accept the help and let the roles reverse, allowing myself to be taken care of instead of being the one to take care of everyone else except myself. At first I worry about the impact I’m going to have on his relationship with Danielle, but the more I get to know her, the more I come to see that she’s a great partner for him, and while I don’t need someone to fill the mom-shaped hole in my heart, she’s become someone I feel comfortable with.

I learn how to say no when it feels like I’m putting too much on my plate. It’s hard at first, but the more I do it, the easier it gets. I learn what I can handle and when it’s too much.

And that’s not isolated to my jobs but is also true for the people in my life. I let my dad step in and help mediate my relationship with Bradley, who has also been surprisingly supportive, giving me hope that with time, our family can repair the fractured bonds and be whole again. While Van isn’t ready to talk to Bradley and he isn’t sure when, or if, he ever will be, he’s supportive of my role in our brother’s life, which is a relief.

With a heavy heart, I quit all my jobs in Pearl Lake, and I work for the Stitches on a contract basis. I only work on a few projects at a time. And I’m in charge of organizing and running the farmers’ market in Pearl Lake, which sounds like a lot, but since it’s winter and the market won’t start up again until May, I have lots of time to get everything organized, especially since we’re holding it twice a month now.

And it allows me to focus on what’s important, which is learning how to avoid overwhelming myself by taking on too much. I go to therapy on a weekly basis.

I do most of my work for the Stitches remotely, but once a week, barring bad weather, I make the trip out to Pearl Lake. I don’t stay the night most of the time, though. Sometimes I meet Van or Aaron for lunch; other times I have dinner with Dillion and the girls. It’s nice. But I always go back home after that.

It’s a Wednesday afternoon in April, and I’m answering emails regarding the first farmers’ market of the season. When my alarm goes off at three, I finish up my email and close my laptop. Typically I have set hours that I work, but I have therapy on Wednesday afternoon.

Aside from Wednesdays, and with the exception of any emergencies, of which there are very few, I work from eight until six, Monday to Friday. The weekends are reserved for me and my family. It’s not always easy, and there are times when I struggle, or wake up in the middle of the night and fight with myself not to get up and jump on the computer. But I’m in a much better place than I was six months ago, and that’s what’s important.

Little gains and small steps forward are what I strive for.

I make the drive to see my therapist. Most of my sessions are over video chat, since she’s outside Chicago, but once a month I head to her home office and we discuss my medication, how I’m sleeping, and how I’m coping.

Her office is cozy, and there’s already a cup of chamomile tea waiting for me.

“How are things? The farmers’ market starts up next month, doesn’t it? Are you feeling any stress over that?” Edith asks.

“Over the market? Not really. I have lots of help from some of the women in Pearl Lake. Some of them have experience running events, so they’ve been a great support.” I’ve gotten a lot better at delegating. And Stevie and Queenie, two of the hockey wives, have this way about them that makes me feel like nothing I ask is ever too much for them.