The Psycho (The Soldiers of Anarchy 1)

Chapter Nineteen

Liv

It was Saturday, and I’d planned everything down to the last detail. I’d booked a babysitter for my brothers. I’d bought the perfect outfit that was sexy but not too revealing, just enough to look classy. I’d even booked an Uber and had a glass of wine on the go, to give me some Dutch courage before I went out. What I hadn’t planned for was my nerves. I couldn’t stop shaking, and that wasn’t like me. I was always the one who gave no shits when it came to going out. Take me as you find me, that was my motto. But that motto had got up and fucked off, leaving me with crippling self-doubt and anxiety.

What the hell was I doing?

I hadn’t told anyone else I was going to The Sanctuary tonight. Em and Effy had invited me to a couple’s night in, swearing that I wouldn’t be the third wheel as they watched some crappy film with their other halves over popcorn and fluttering eyelashes. I thanked them for thinking of me, because despite everything, they were trying to include me in their night. But I didn’t need any more reminders about how tragically single I was. I could get that by sitting in my own living room, and I’d probably get to watch a better movie too.

But now, I was starting to second guess everything. Maybe going on my own wasn’t such a good idea after all? It wouldn’t be the first time I’d gone out alone, that wasn’t the problem. It was the nerves, and the fact that he’d be there. I didn’t know if I really and truly had the balls to go through with this. What was the matter with me? What had happened to the girl–who months ago–had stood her ground in front of all of them and told them to fuck off?

I tried to put my fears to one side and carried on getting ready. I left my hair down and kept my make-up simple, neutral. The dress I’d chosen was a red strappy one. When I’d bought it, I liked that the colour would make me stand out. I loved red. But now that I was standing in front of my mirror, I wished I’d gone for something black. Something that’d help me blend into the darkness that they all lived in.

I heard the doorbell go and I fluffed my hair one last time, took a sip of my wine, touched my shell necklace for good luck and grabbed my clutch bag, heading for the door. When I got downstairs, Hayden had already let Charlotte, our babysitter, into the house and he was talking ten to the dozen about all the things they’d done since they last saw her. Ollie stood scowling at me from the doorway to the living room. He didn’t like that I was going out and when Mum and Dad were away–like they were right now–he liked to use a little emotional blackmail to try and get me to change my mind and stay at home. It was working pretty well tonight.

“I think your Uber just pulled up as I got here,” Charlotte informed me, thumbing to the front door behind her. Instantly, the nerves suddenly made my stomach roll over.

“Guess I’d better go then.” I leant down to kiss Hayden and then turned to do the same to Ollie. “Be good for Charlotte. Go to bed when you’re told and if there’s any naughtiness, I will be cancelling your football practice on Wednesday.”

They both groaned, but Charlotte smiled.

“They’ll be fine. They’re always golden. Go and have fun. Don’t feel like you’ve got to rush home.”

I nodded and took a deep breath, then stood tall, throwing my shoulders back and heading out to my taxi.

* * *

I got the Uber to drop me on the corner of the road where the asylum, or The Sanctuary as it was called now, was situated. I could see groups of people walking towards the entrance, and I wanted to join them, to hide amongst strangers to try and give me the courage to walk through the doors. Luckily, I managed to tag onto the back of a group of girls who were teetering on their heels towards the line of partygoers. Up ahead, I could see the doormen checking people’s IDs and vetting who was going in. I shuffled nervously on my feet and tried to calm myself by opening my bag and checking my phone. When I did, I noticed a message from him.

My Stalker: Let me know when you get here.

That made me chuckle to myself. Like he’d need me to tell him that I was here. I’d bet his CCTV had already caught my presence. He didn’t need to be informed about anything. He was always one step ahead.

The line started to move forward, and as we got closer, I saw one of the doormen crane his neck to look past the group of girls I was trying and failing to blend in with, and when he saw me, he beckoned for me to come out of the line and over to him. Fuck. He’d probably been given instructions to escort me inside. Why did my legs suddenly feel like they were filled with lead?

I kept my head down and ignored the rest of the queue as I went up to the door. The doorman didn’t make eye contact with me, he just muttered, “No need to wait in line,” and then ushered me into the foyer, where the music was already so loud I could barely hear myself think. And I needed to think. Think about what I’d say and do. Why was I so nervous? I never got this nervous about anything.

I glanced around me, trying to see if I could spot any of the soldiers, but as crowded as the foyer was, it wasn’t the main room. Why would they bother to waste their time out here?

I bit my lip, contemplating whether to send him a message, but I opened my bag then closed it again, deciding to keep a low profile for a little longer. Shit, I felt like a cat on a hot tin roof, and I was beginning to regret every decision I’d made about bringing him out of hiding, letting him get to know me and coming here to this club tonight. Fuck it. I needed a drink.

Pushing my way through the crowds, I headed into the main room and stood at the door, looking around at all the masses of bodies dancing, drinking, and enjoying their night–unlike me. There was a bar on the other side of the room, but as I started to plan my move over there, I noticed Devon Brady a little way off, staring right at me. More rocks hit my stomach, and I turned away from him, only to see Colton King coming down the stairs and grinning at me like a motherfucker.

I couldn’t do this.

I was like a wild animal cornered by the prey.

What the hell had I been thinking agreeing to come here?

Instantly, I spun around, and with long purposeful strides, I went back to the front doors, pushed past the doormen and ran outside.

“Are you okay, love?” one of the doormen shouted out after me, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t. My heart was racing, and my legs were on automatic pilot, programmed to get me the hell out of there.

As luck would have it, the Uber that I’d used earlier was still sat there, thumbing through his phone, and when I opened the back door of his car, he looked up and was just about to tell me to get out, but he recognised me, frowned and then told me, “You should really ring up and book. I’m not supposed to take bookings off the street.”

“I have to leave,” I gasped. “Please. I’ll pay double.”

He nodded, obviously realising that it was futile to try and argue with a fraught woman like me, and he put his phone into the holder on his dashboard. He knew a woman on the edge when he saw one. Then he started the engine up and pulled away from the kerb, making the rocks in my stomach reduce to rubble and the bees return to butterflies. I didn’t look back to see if any of them had followed me out. I didn’t even want to check my phone. All I could do was close my eyes and wish myself back to my house, to the safety of those four walls.

I thought I could handle this, but I was way out of my depth. I wasn’t ready to take on the soldiers. Not now. A few months ago, I’d faced off with them in a bloody alley way and felt like I’d come out on top. Now, I was this ridiculous nervous wreck.

What had happened to me?

Had he really ground me down that much?

I needed to have a word with myself. Find my inner warrior and start behaving like the badass bitch I always thought I was. Tonight, I’d bottled it. But I had to learn from my mistakes. I couldn’t show weakness like that again. If I did, he’d eat me alive and spit out the bones. If I was going up against the best of them, I needed to be better.