The Psycho (The Soldiers of Anarchy 1)

Chapter Twenty

Adam

Iknew she was here. I’d seen her location from the tracker on her phone, and the thought of her being so close made me feel things I never thought a man like me could ever feel. But when I left my room, ready to head downstairs, I saw Colton and Devon coming towards me, both of them with grave expressions.

“What’s the matter?” I asked, knowing that the answer would be one I didn’t want to hear.

“She left,” Devon replied.

I took one look at Colton, and I blurted out, “What the fuck did you do?”

He held his hands up in defence and with a pleading look said, “Me? Why would you think this has anything to do with me? I didn’t do shit.”

“Well, there must’ve been a reason she left.”

“How about she changed her mind,” Colton added. “Or maybe she just wasn’t that into you.”

I lurched forward to knock him the fuck out, but Devon stood in my way, and then snapped, “Shut the fuck up,” at Colton.

I clenched my fists, ready to punch the first thing I could find. I’d gone from nervous, excited energy to wanting to rip someone’s head off, instantly. That switch in my head had truly lost any kind of function now. I couldn’t even breathe properly I was so angry. I took my phone out of my pocket and fired off a message to her.

Me: Why did you leave?

But when no response came, I stormed across the corridor where we were standing and into the games room, slamming the door in my anger and causing it to smash into the plaster–and probably leave a dent.

“No need to take it out on the furnishings,” Colton added, following me in, and then his smile faded when he saw the scowl I was throwing his way.

“This is fucking bullshit. What happened?” I sat down on the sofa and leant forward, putting my head in my hands. “I want to know everything.”

Just then my phone buzzed in my pocket, and I made a grab for it, desperate to know what the fuck was going on.

Olivia: I changed my mind.

I huffed out a laugh and almost threw my phone against the wall in frustration.

“She changed her mind,” I said, choosing instead to throw it onto the sofa next to me. “She changed her fucking mind.”

“I’d say”–Colton rolled his eyes–“From where I was standing it looked like she couldn’t get away fast enough.”

He wasn’t being helpful, and I repeated my earlier sentiment. “I want to know everything.”

“There isn’t a lot to tell,” Colton replied. “She took one look at us and shot straight back out of the door. It’s a shame really, I was looking forward to some fireworks. Liv is a real firecracker, and she always keeps us on our toes. I like that about her.”

“I don’t think it was that straight forward,” Devon added, and I swung my attention in his direction, needing to know more.

“What do you mean?” I asked, desperate to try and make some sense of all of this.

“What did her message say? Did she give any other explanation?” Devon asked.

“No. Nothing. Just one fucking line. I changed my mind.” I gritted my teeth, trying to breathe through the storm that was raging in my head and making me want to smash the whole building to smithereens.

“If I took a guess, I’d say there was more to it than that.” I looked up as Devon spoke, willing him to give me something, anything that would help. “She came in all dressed up. She looked…” He glanced at me and then winced, hoping his next words didn’t unleash my inner beast. “Beautiful. Her hair was down, and she was wearing a red dress that made her stand out. But when she saw me by the bar and then noticed Colton on the stairs, her face turned…”

“What?” I asked, needed to know every little detail.

“She looked petrified. Like an animal caught in a trap. She was scared, frightened. I’ve never seen her look like that.”

“I think I’d have to agree with Devon,” Colton added. “She did seem more jumpy than usual. Didn’t she come on her own too?”

“I think so.” Devon nodded in agreement, and I hung my head in shame.

“Fuck. I fucked up.” I ran my hands over my face and the storm inside turned from rage to anger and disappointment in myself. “She came alone… What the fuck? What was I thinking, inviting her here? It was a stupid plan.”

“I think that ship has already sailed,” Colton said, sitting down next to me. “No point stressing over it now. What’s done is done.”

I looked up at Devon, standing over me with pity in his eyes, and then at Colton sat next to me.

“Why do I feel like I’ve lost her when she was never really mine?”

“This is a bump in the road.” Colton sighed. “You’re down but you’re not out.” Then he stood up and stated, “Have a beer. You need something to dull reality, and you’re really not thinking straight. Alcohol might help with that.”

I ignored him and let him carry on fussing over beer in the fridge as I let my guard down and said what I felt in my heart.

“I thought this could be different. I saw something in her and I had this stupid idea that maybe I could have what other people had. I’ve never cared about anyone other than myself and our work here, but she gave me something I’ve never had before. She gave me hope. But I’m a fucking loser to think anything could change. What would a girl like her see in a fucking psycho like me?”

“This isn’t like you,” Devon said, frowning at me like he couldn’t quite believe what I’d become. “You don’t quit. You can’t. Maybe you just need to talk to her? Find out where her heads at. If you want to make something out of this, have a proper relationship with her… you need to meet her halfway.”

“Devon talks a lot of sense,” Colton added, bringing three beers over and passing one to Devon before sitting back down again, next to me. “You invited her here, into our club, and she did come. Okay, she didn’t stay for long, but she intended to. She wanted to see you, but for whatever reason, she got spooked.”

“So, what do I do now? Because short of drugging her and keeping her hostage here, I’m at a loss.”

“You go to her,” Devon stated. “You meet her on her terms, on her territory. Somewhere she feels comfortable. Who knows, you might find out there was an entirely different reason that she left, but until you ask her, face-to-face, you won’t know. Text messages don’t tell you how a person feels, actions and facial expressions do. For all you know, ‘I changed my mind,’ could mean something else entirely.”

“Can I add my two pennies worth?” Colton asked, and I nodded. “Give her some space tonight. Then, go and see her tomorrow, but don’t give her the opportunity to bail again, just turn up. Show her you won’t ever give up. Because despite that little speech you just did, I know you, and I know you won’t quit. You’re not programmed that way. None of us are. But sometimes love makes us do crazy shit.” He shrugged as my head whipped to the side to glare at him. “Don’t ever apologise for it either. We’ve all been there.”

I chose to ignore the fact that he’d used the L word and I asked, “Tomorrow… I go to her and what? What the fuck am I supposed to say?” I felt like I was losing my mind. I was better at forcing the issue, not dancing around shit. I didn’t know how to do this.

“You don’t have to say anything. Just be yourself. Spend time with her. Let her get to know you,” Devon said.

“If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be,” Colton added and pushed the beer he’d left on the table in front of us closer to me. “Now drink. The tension you’re creating in this room is really starting to get to me. I don’t cope well when one of us has a crisis. Especially when I can’t fight my way out of it.”

I took a swig of the beer even though I didn’t want it. I was so highly strung I could barely taste the bitterness as it went down.

“Just to take your mind off things, we had a message from Jake Colt about an hour ago. He managed to send a photo through of the tattoo he did on Karl Cheslin.” We both turned to Devon, intrigued by this welcome distraction.

“Please tell me he did it somewhere really fucking painful,” Colton said, sitting forward in anticipation.

“He said it was tough. Cheslin didn’t make it easy for him, but he managed to put it across his chest.”

Colton huffed. “I’d have preferred the cock and balls, but I guess that’ll have to do.” Then he announced, “Let’s send the next task. We don’t want to fuck about, and besides, it’ll give you something else to think about, Ad.”

I did need something else to channel my energy into tonight.

“Okay,” I told them. “I’ll send the next task.”

“What is it?” Colton grinned, rubbing his hands together.

“Something that’ll paint a massive red target on his back and make the last few weeks inside a fucking nightmare for him,” I said as I started to type out the message.

Congratulations, Mr Cheslin. I have been informed that you passed the first test in your game of consequences. I hope you like your new tattoo.

Now for task number two. You probably already know of Charlie Dunn. I’m sure his reputation at Belbroughton proceeds him. Your task is to approach Charlie, insult him in public, I’ll leave the finer details to you, and then you have to start a fight and lose. We have people on your side of the fence watching to see if you complete this task, and if you succeed, you will live to play another game. Fail, and it won’t just be Charlie Dunn who you should be afraid of. Trust me.

Until next time.

The Soldiers.

Charlie Dunn was a mean motherfucker. He’d spent more time inside Belbroughton than he had out. He was someone you didn’t want to mess with, and if Cheslin took a beating in front of the rest of his wing, it’d be open season on his ass. His life wouldn’t be worth shit in there. It was a risky task to set him, but he had to decide which of two evils to go up against. And as I’d always said, I liked a challenge. It was more fun setting a task when you didn’t know the outcome.

I stood up and took my beer off the table, leaving the other two behind and headed back to my room. Once I got there, I pulled my phone out. I knew I should’ve listened to Colton and given her space tonight, but when had I ever listened?

Me: I wish I’d seen you tonight.

I sipped my beer and watched as the dots danced, then stopped, then danced again. She didn’t know what to type back to me.

Olivia: It’s late and I’m tired. What do you want?

I could almost feel her exhaustion through the phone. She was still pissed about whatever had gone down earlier

Me: I want to know that you’re okay. And I want you to know that I’m not going anywhere.

I hoped she’d read my message and hear the sincerity in my response. I might be a fuckup ninety-nine percent of the time, but for her, I did want to make the effort to be better.

Olivia: I’m fine. Good night, Adam.

It was short, to the point, and not at all the response I wanted.

Me: Truth or dare?

I would try anything at this point to keep her on the phone.

Olivia: Sleep.

She messaged back, but I wouldn’t be deterred.

Me: That’s not one of the options.

Olivia: Fine. If it gets you off my phone quicker, truth.

I smiled, glad that she was responding. If she’d blocked my ass, I wouldn’t have trusted myself to stay sane.

Me: If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

I kept the question light, figuring she’d had enough stress courtesy of me tonight.

Olivia: Easy, flying. I’d rock that shit. And I’m guessing yours would be invisibility.

I liked that she seemed to be calmer, but her take on me was way off.

Me: You guessed wrong. If I could have any power, I’d want to be able to read people’s minds, because right now, I haven’t got a fucking clue what is going on in yours, but I want to. I want to know everything, and maybe then I could do something right in your eyes. I could make you smile.

Olivia: Is this your way of saying sorry? That you want to make amends?

Me: I want to know you, Olivia. I want to make you happy.

Olivia: If you wanted to make me happy, you’d let me go to sleep.

Me: Okay, fine. But this isn’t over. I will make whatever happened tonight right. I don’t know exactly what went wrong, but I’ll sort it.

Olivia: Goodnight, Adam.

I knew I had to let her go for tonight, and in a way, I felt glad that I’d gotten things off my chest. The tension I felt was less. It was still there, but I could breathe a little easier.

Me: Sweet dreams. Think about me.

Twenty seconds later, I got my reply.

Olivia: Never.