Forever Mine (Joe & Ella 2)

“Nan, don’t say that! I hope you didn’t upset Simon he’s been really good to us.”

“Yes he has, but he’s in love with you Ella and him brooding over you when I know you have no intention of being with him the way he wants you to be is just plain cruel. I know you don’t mean to be cruel Ella, but it is. He needs to start getting on with his own life and you need to get on with yours. I’ve rung that lovely gentleman you work with, Frank is it? I didn’t tell him about your loss but I told him we’d had a death in the family that you didn’t want to talk about. I also told him you’d be back at work on Monday morning.”

“Nan! Why did you do that? I can’t face work right now.” I groaned, throwing my head back on the pillow in exasperation.

“Oh yes you can girl. You worked hard to get that job and I’ll be damned if you lose it now. Chin up my girl, you’re a Reid so start acting like one.”

“You’re way too bossy.” I sat up huffing out loud and swinging my feet onto the floor.

“That lovely Frank said you have a very special opening night planned for next Friday and he wants you there. He said you’d done all the organising and you need to take the praise. Some kind of health club or spa he said.”

My stomach dropped into my feet, Joe’s opening night. I had done everything for it, but even as a work event I didn’t think I had the energy to attend it. I couldn’t be in the same room as him. In some small way I blamed him as well for the miscarriage, even though he hadn’t even known I was pregnant. There was no reason behind my feelings, but I couldn’t help it.

“Ella, it’s a chance to put on your glad rags and shine. Hey you could even show them the salsa moves Paolo taught you.” I had to laugh at this, images of taking Paolo with me and being flung around the dancefloor invaded my mind.

“Fine, I’ll go back to work, but I’m not promising anything. I don’t feel like donning any glad rags right now.”

“That’s a shame, Robyn said your gold dress had been delivered yesterday. Its hanging up in your room ready to be worn and she told me you’d brought it especially for this event.”

She was right, I’d trawled shops and websites to find the perfect dress and it was the most awesome dress I’d ever seen. I had been so excited to wear it, probably more excited than the white Versace number Joe brought me.

“Fine, I’ll think about it.” I huffed again.

Nan helped me pack up the few things I’d accumulated since I’d been staying with her. Then she made my favourite homemade cottage pie for dinner with blueberry and apple tart for dessert. Simon came over to join us, and as I opened the door to let him in I noticed he looked tired and forlorn.

“Simon, are you okay, you look tired.”

“I’m okay Ella,” He replied softly, “I’ll just miss you so much. Is there no way I can convince you to stay?”

“I’ll miss you too Simon, but I need to go back. As much as I’ve enjoyed being here my place is in the city. You can come and visit me you know.”

I rubbed his arm then gave him a friendly hug. I felt him relax into me and breathe me in and I knew in that instance that Nan was right, I had to get away and he needed to know that there was nothing more than friendship between us.

We ate Nan’s fabulous home cooked meal, Nan and I talking ten to the dozen and Simon sitting quietly nodding and looking like it was his last supper. He’d brought a plastic bag into the bungalow with him and he reached down for it after dinner.

“I thought we could do something to say goodbye one last time tonight, if that’s okay with you Ella. Goodbye to the baby and goodbye to you too I suppose.” He looked heart broken, I suddenly felt so guilty for doing this to him, I truly hadn’t seen this coming.

He pulled out a box of sky lanterns and I almost burst into tears. What a beautiful thought, he was so considerate. I hated myself then for being so picky and not being satisfied to become the village doctor’s wife. I always had been a free spirit like my Mum I suppose; reliable, safe and steady just didn’t do it for me.

Nan politely declined the invitation to join us and light a lantern, making the excuse that she’d have to wash up before the baked on food ruined her crockery, but I knew she’d done the main washing up before Simon had arrived. So Simon and I took the short walk down to the small sandy beach at the bottom of the lane. He held my hand as we part climbed and part stumbled down onto the sand then we both sat in silence watching the waves.

“This was a really thoughtful idea Simon. Thank you.”

“I wish you wouldn’t go Ella. Is there nothing I can say or do to make you stay?”

“I don’t belong here Simon, I need to go home now.”

He sighed and picked up my hand, oh no, I knew what was coming and I had to tread extremely carefully.

“You know I love you don’t you Ella.”

“I love you too Simon but as a friend. You understand that don’t you. You are one of my best friends and I couldn’t have got through these last few months without you, but I can’t give you anything more than friendship. I’m sorry Simon.”

“I know, but maybe in time you might grow to love me. Ella I think about you all the time. There’s nothing I’d want more in this life than to call you my wife. We could have a long engagement if that would help? Ella, I’ll do anything to try and win you round. You mean the world to me.”

“I’m sorry Simon, I can’t marry you, not now not ever. We wouldn’t work, you belong here and I belong in the city.”

He rubbed my hand then let it fall back into my lap. “If friendship is all you can offer I’ll take that. I’d take whatever you could give Ella.” I smiled and reached over to kiss him on the cheek. He tried to turn his head so he could kiss me on the lips but I pulled back.