Forever Mine (Joe & Ella 2)

Simon stirred next to me then slowly opened his eyes. When he saw that I was awake he sat forward and held my hand. His face was awash with sympathy.

“I lost my baby didn’t I?” I asked already knowing the answer.

“Yes. I’m so sorry Ella. They said it won’t affect any future pregnancies though, which I know is no consolation now but one day it might be. You can still have children Ella.”

I smiled down at him as he bowed his head. He really was one in a million.

“You stayed here all night. Don’t you need to get to your surgery this morning for your patients?”

“There’s a locum who’s covering for me today. I couldn’t leave you Ella, you looked so frightened. I needed to know you were going to be alright.” His brown eyes were full of concern, he looked heartbroken for me.

“Thank you. I don’t know what I’d have done without you Simon, you got me through everything last night.”

“I didn’t do anything special Ella.” He bent his head with what looked like regret.

“Yes you did. I needed a familiar face, someone in my corner who was looking out for me, and you made me feel… safe.” Simon smiled shyly at me.

“You’ll feel a lot of mixed emotions in the next few months Ella, and I’ll be here to help you through them. I’ve had patients who have dealt with this before so I’ve got some experience. Just know that whatever you’re feeling is the right thing for you at that moment and although it doesn’t feel like it now you will heal and move on in time.”

I heard Nan shuffle about in her chair so I told Simon to go and get some rest and something to eat and drink. He nodded reluctantly before standing up and kissing me on the head then heading out.

“You okay love? You in any pain?” Nan asked holding my other hand now.

“I’m sore and my tummy hurts but I’m okay. I just feel so empty. What did I do wrong Nan?” I burst into tears now, crying uncontrollably for my lost little bubba. The poor thing hadn’t stood a chance with an emotional wreck of a mother like me.

“Now stop that right now, you did absolutely nothing wrong. The Doctors said last night these things just happen sometimes. You can’t beat yourself up over this Ella. It’s sad and I know you feel heartbroken but it isn’t the end of your life child. I had a miscarriage before I caught with your Mum you know.”

“Really Nan? I had no idea. I’m so sorry.” I stopped crying to look over at my Nan with fresh eyes.

“I lost mine at twenty weeks. It was horrific at the time, I had to give birth to my little boy, but we mourned him, then dusted ourselves off and got to work on making your Mum and I’m glad we did. I wouldn’t have you if we hadn’t moved on with our lives. Things happen for a reason Ella. We don’t always know what the reason is, but there will be one.”

“I’m glad I have you Nanna, I couldn’t get through this without you.”

“You have Simon too. Oh I know you don’t see him like that but that boy loves the bones of you Ella. He was a Godsend last night.”

“I know. I agree, but please Nan…no match making okay?”

“I’ll try my best to keep my nose out.”

6

I was discharged into Nan’s care with pain killers and advice on safe sex, which was so not necessary right now. I planned on being a nun for the foreseeable future. I had lots of tears and anger, which Nan let me offload for the first few weeks, then eventually she kicked me into ‘recovery mode’ and treated me a little more harshly reminding me that life goes on.

Simon was a constant in my life as I went through each stage of grief. He took me out to get me fresh air, let me rant and rave without fighting back, and gave me hugs when I needed them. He was amazing, he was my rock.

Nan had phoned Robyn to tell her the awful news, I couldn’t face talking about it to anyone who hadn’t been there that night. It was as if I didn’t want to say the words out loud because they were too much for my brain to deal with. Robyn sent her love and Chris’s too and told Nan to pass a message onto me. Nan had no idea what it meant, but I did.

‘Anna is a massive liar, it was all made up and I’ve seen the proof myself. When you

come back home, know you’re coming back to a strong group of friends who will protect you from witches like her in the future.’

Joe had gone from having two babies to none in a few weeks. I was livid at Anna, furious in fact, how could she be so vindictive to make something like that up? I knew she hated me but to do something so truly dreadful was beyond my comprehension. I started to blame her for my loss, and vowed that if I ever saw her again I would destroy her.

The day Joe had arranged for our wedding came and went. I spent that day on my own on the beach listening to the gentle waves of the sea, only nature was there to invade my thoughts and it did so in a calming, soothing way. I wondered what Joe was doing and I cried for what we’d both lost these last few months. I knew he’d been the love of my life but I couldn’t ever imagine being with him again after this. I couldn’t handle the drama anymore, I needed some stability in my life but most of all I needed to focus on me and getting myself back to the real world.

“Right my girl, today is the first day of the rest of your life.” Nan was doing a Robyn and had stormed into my bedroom, throwing back my bed covers and opening the curtains to force me awake. I tried to roll over and pull them back over me but she ripped them right off the bed making me curl into a ball to fend off the cold air that was biting me through my thin pyjamas.

“Not a chance my girl, you’ve wallowed in pity long enough and it stops now. You’re not the first girl to lose a baby and yes it’s terrible, but you didn’t die too that night. I’ve told Simon he has to stop pandering to you as well and grow a pair.”