We stared each other down as we stood in a dark corridor, the vibrations of the music and our heavy breaths the only sounds that could be heard.
“Why do you have to be so…fucking… difficult to read? I don’t know what you want me to do.” He ran his hands through his hair and then leaned against the wall, both palms flat against the plaster as he hung his head down.
“You’re an asshole.” Was all I could come up with; I didn’t know what to say. I was numb, hurt, confused and just so, so tired of always fighting.
“Tell me something I don’t know.” He turned his head to look at me.
“How long have you been… seeing her?”
He looked back down at the floor, as if he was too ashamed to meet my gaze.
“About two weeks, not long.”
“I hate you.” I seethed fighting down the urge to hit things.
“I don’t like myself much at the moment either, but hey what’s new.” He pinned me with his dark brooding stare.
“Do you love her?” I swallowed the lump in my throat, I didn’t know if I wanted to hear the reply.
He pushed away from the wall and took a deep breath, looking up to the ceiling. Not a good sign in my book.
“What do you think?”
“I don’t know that’s why I’m asking you.” It really was none of my business but I had to know.
“No!” he lurched forward making me stumble and step back against the wall. “I love you God damn it, but you don’t want me. You hate me, right?”
He put both hands on the wall next to my head pinning me into place.
“You. Don’t. Want. Me.” He said it like a fact then he softened slightly. “Do you? Do you want me?” This time it was a question.
My whole world, my whole life rested on this answer, this moment. I took a breath in and jumped blindly down the rabbit’s hole.
“Yes.” I looked at the ground as I opened my heart ready to have it crushed yet again. “Yes I want you. I always want you.”
A tear rolled down my left cheek despite my best efforts at keeping a lid on my emotions.
“You’re mine. I don’t want you with anyone else. It…hurts to see you with someone else.”
He took a deep breath then bent down slightly to meet my gaze.
“I love you Chloe. I always will; and I want you, no one else.”
He cupped my face with both of his hands now and used his thumb to wipe the tear away.
“But you’re with her now.” I whispered on a sob.
“No, I’m not. I’m here, right now with you…where I belong. Where we both belong.”
He reached down and kissed me softly and I burst into tears as he pulled me into his chest and hugged me close. I felt my heart bleed and my tears soaked through his shirt as I let it all go. I didn’t want to fight him or my own feelings anymore. I was done with the bullshit. I just wanted my happy ever after.
“We’re so fucked up, so broken.” I didn’t know if we could ever get it back.
“No we’re not. We’re us Chloe, this is us. Maybe to other people we seem broken or fucked up, but to me we’re perfect. You’re perfect and I want to be able to love you. To show you what you mean to me, not just say it. Always. We’re not broken Chloe we just need to find our way back to each other again.”
I nodded warmth seeping into my thawing heart.
“Come on angel. Let me take you home…please. We need to…make friends.”