MANifesting

Staring at the pile of notebooks on my shelf, I tried to focus. “I get the impression that he thinks she is controlling his brother. She definitely wears the pants in that family.”

“What else?”

“They got together, got married, and she’s planning on getting pregnant really fast. Maybe he disapproves of their timeline?” I asked.

“Or maybe he’s nervous about being suddenly tied down, and thinks that you might be like her,” Christine said. “Maybe he saw you hanging out with and getting along with his brother’s insta wife and got cold feet.”

Nodding to myself, I wondered if that was possible. Kellan was very involved with his businesses, and probably didn’t have time for anything serious.

“There’s a possibility that he saw me pretending to admire all of Cheryl’s nice things to be polite, and thought that I was really into that.”

“Anything is possible,” Christine said flatly. “That’s why you’re going to have to talk to him about it.”

“I knew you were going to get to that,” I laughed. “But I need to sort this out a little first.”

“The best thing you can do is sort it out with him,” she said. Then she laughed for a second. “Unless you want to just make him jealous until he realizes he can’t let anyone else have you because he’s totally in love with you.”

“I’m not going to play games like that,” I said. “I wouldn’t even know how.”

“Listen, give him another day or so. Send him a text once in a while, telling him about all of the fun, exciting thin

gs you’re doing. Be busy, and clearly not waiting around for him. Then if you don’t hear back, cut him off.”

“That sounds logical. All right. Thanks.”

“Hey, and in a few weeks, we’ll go party at his bar and get free drinks again.”

“You’re terrible,” I giggled.

“Yup. And you love it.”

We chatted about her work for another five minutes before hanging up. Pulling the blanket from the end of the couch over my lap, I stared into my candle for a while.

Was I a fool for thinking that my very first relationship would work out? Was I too optimistic? Did I rely on my manifesting and journaling too much, believing in the power of my mind instead of logic and actions?

Opening my notebook, I reread some of the first things I wrote about having a boyfriend.

Don’t waste time on a man who has zero chance of being a good husband.

Only stay with a man who treats me wonderfully.

Communication is imperative. He must be open.

By breaking the last two, he proved that he might not be good for me in the long run. He must know that not speaking with me was hurting my feelings. No matter how busy he was, he could spare one minute to return a text.

I loved Kellan. I felt that he loved me. But I wasn’t going to change my personality or values for him. If he didn’t like me the way I was, I’d have to move on. If he didn’t contact me in the next twenty-four hours, I was going to let him go.

Once the decision was made, I almost felt a little lighter, but then the weight of worrying if he was going to call settled over me.

My eyes became blurry with tears, as I set the notebook down and grabbed a tissue. Our connection had felt so real. Solid. Knowing that I must have been terribly wrong made me feel like a complete loser for the first time since I’d turned nineteen and taken charge over my life.

My back and shoulders stiffened from the thought of losing him. His touch was something I’d never forget. But if our spark wasn’t enough to keep our fire burning, I’d have to stomp out the embers and move on, somehow.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

* Kellan *

Jackie kicked me out after I accidentally doubled the vodka order and smashed three wine glasses while trying to reorganize the bar.