MANifesting

“You’re brooding about something. You’re useless when you’re moody. Just go home. I’ll be fine on my own until Mike gets here at six.”

“Okay, thanks,” I mumbled, grabbing my shoulder bag and slumping to my car. I couldn’t explain that I had received a text that felt like a punch straight to my heart an hour ago.

Allie: I thought things were going well between us, but you’re not returning my messages. I’ll stop now.

There was no way to respond to something that made my blood run cold. I wanted her so badly, but it wouldn’t be fair to continue a relationship where we wanted such different things. My guts churned with stress-induced nausea.

I should have gone home, but somehow I ended up near the university entrance, slowly driving past the bookstore on the main road, wondering if that was where she worked.

Allie walked out the door with a tall, thin young man, then she locked the door behind them.

Pulling over, I watched in the rearview mirror as they stood on the sidewalk laughing about something together. My eyes snapped shut. She couldn’t have moved on already. I was positive she wasn’t that kind of girl.

She’s already your girl, the back of my mind absolutely screamed at me.

Without looking back, I drove away as quickly as I could. I had to do something immediately so that I didn’t lose it.

Realizing that Clark Street was only a few blocks away, I went there to pick up our coffee bean order. It didn’t distract me for very long, and once I loaded the bags into my backseat, I looked around for something else to do or somewhere to go.

Maybe I could go to Dale’s and invite myself for dinner. Perhaps I should go to the gym and work out until I couldn’t see straight. Or maybe I should just call Allie and have a serious conversation.

My bones felt like rocks as I dragged myself around the car and got in again. I wondered if others could see the black cloud over my head. This was going to be the most terrible thing I’d ever had to do. Allie was going to cry, and I’d have to just sit there and hurt her. Breakups were always terrible, but her very first one was going to be rough.

Since I clearly wasn’t an instant husband, the one she was looking for, I had to do the right thing, right now.

My phone beeped from my pocket. Allie? No, Dale’s number. Damn.

“Hey, bro – just checking if there are any extra shifts for me this weekend?” he asked.

“Are you happy with Cheryl?” I asked abruptly.

He coughed slightly. “What do you mean?”

“I’m sorry to be blunt, but I need to know. You had all of these hopes and dreams. You wanted to go to medical school. You talked about traveling. Then you met Cheryl, and just did everything she said.”

His sharp laugh surprised me. “Kellan, it wasn’t like that at all. I’ve always wanted to get married as soon as possible. I just didn’t have a lot of experience with women, and hadn’t found anyone I really got along with. Cheryl is my balance. My anchor.”

“But you work so hard, and she basically just spends your money.”

Dale laughed again. “She spends a lot less than I give her to decorate and run things. She’s actually a financial wizard, and has set us up with a ton of excellent investments. I want her to be free to run the house and take care of our kids. That’s something we both talked about at the very start. And the reason I’m working like crazy right now is so that I can slow down for a few months when our first baby arrives so that I can help her.”

“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“Kellan, what’s wrong? Did you think that Cheryl was wrecking my life? Are you nuts? I honestly never thought I’d be this happy.”

“That’s good.”

He paused. “Wait – are you having second thoughts about Allie? You two looked so close.”

“Yeah. I guess. But I get the impression that she wants to get married really fast, and that’s not what I want.”

“Then just date,” he said. “Talk to her about it. Everyone’s timeline is different. Sit her down and figure it out. Don’t go by impressions. Listen to her.”

“You’re right.”

“Say that again. It’s a rare occasion.”

I finally laughed with him. “Thanks, Dale. You can take my Saturday night shift at the lounge, okay?”