“I tried that website you recommended,” I said, in a desperate bid to fill in the awkward silence.
“Yeah? What did you think?” She brightened up a little and swivelled in her seat to face me. You’d think I’d just given her the best news she’d heard all day.
“It’s not at all what I thought it would be. It actually makes me laugh.”
“I felt the same. Some days the chat would go darker, but there was always someone in there to lighten the mood. Does Alan still go in there?” She smirked, and I could tell she probably had a few Alan anecdotes to share from her own visits to the forum.
“Fucking Alan? Yeah. He’s a one-off, isn’t he?”
“That’s putting it politely.”
We both laughed nervously.
“Do you ever go in there now?” I hoped she didn’t. I didn’t want to share this with anyone else. I liked having it all to myself. My secret haven. The thought of Legion chatting with her made me uncomfortable.
“No. Not anymore. But it helped me at a time when all I was capable of was talking online. I liked the anonymity.”
I felt a little lighter hearing that.
“Me too,” I admitted.
Mum strolled back in with a tray loaded up with mugs of tea. She’d also added some Kit-Kats and Chocolate Mini Rolls.
“Help yourselves, girls,” she said and took her own mug off the tray then left us to it.
“Your mum is lovely. If we were at my house it’d be china cups, plates of biscuits, and don’t sl
ouch while you’re sitting on the sofa, dear. I love a Mini Roll.” Emily leant forward to grab one off the tray. Then she sipped her tea and started to peel the wrapper off.
“It’s lovely to see you, and thanks for thinking of me, but I’ve got a feeling there’s something you want to tell me and you’re stalling,” I said, as Emily averted her eyes and shoved more chocolate into her mouth to give her some thinking time.
“Well, I was thinking of coming to see you. You know, to check on how you are. But you’re right, there is something I need to let you know about. I wanted to tell you before you heard this from anyone else.”
I put my mug down and sat forward.
“Spill it. What’s going on?”
Emily took a deep breath and fixed her eyes on me as she spoke.
“He’s back.”
She didn’t need to say who he was. I knew. And hearing her say he was back made the bottom of my stomach drop out and a wave of nausea engulf me. I started to shake, as if he was going to walk through the door at any minute. It was crazy because, in my mind, when he’d invaded my thoughts, my privacy, and my fucking home, I’d wanted him to come out and face me. I wanted to stand in front of him and give him both barrels. Destroy him with the force of my anger. But hearing he was back, actually living and breathing, walking around Sandland like Brodie never existed, that bothered me. I didn’t want to see him, not really. I didn’t know what I’d do if and when I did. Was he laughing about us? Did he think this was all a big fucking joke?
“Have you seen him?” I asked.
“No. Not yet. But Ryan has and he said he’s pissed but he wants his life back.”
“He wants his life back.” I shook my head, exasperated at what she’d just told me. “He’s lucky he has a life to come back to. My brother doesn’t. Neither do I most days.”
“Oh, Harper. I’m so sorry.” Emily scooched down the sofa to sit right next to me and take my hand in hers. “If it’s any consolation, Ryan told him he has to stay away from you. He warned him. You are off-limits. It was part of their agreement for his return.”
I knew that was bullshit. If Mathers wanted to get to me, he would. No one told Brandon Mathers what to do.
“It’s fine. Well, it’s not, but I’ll survive.” I slipped my hand out of hers and sipped my tea, but it hurt to swallow with the golf ball of anxiety in my throat.
“Ryan said he can tell he’s full of guilt. For you, I mean. He feels guilty about what happened.”
“And he should be.”