“I know. I just don’t want you to think he’s waltzing around town with that swagger of his and giving it the big I am. He isn’t the same. That’s what Ry said, anyway.” She shrugged. “And there’s one other thing you should know. He’s going back to fighting.”
I never expected he’d stop. That man was a walking weapon of mass destruction and his fists were locked and loaded. I felt sorry for the next sucker who ended up in the ring with him.
“He hasn’t learnt his lesson then.”
“Nope.”
“It’s all about the money and the notoriety with him, isn’t it?” The guy’s bravado would always overshadow any guilt he might be putting out there. In fact, I reckoned the guilt was all for show. Something he felt he had to do to be accepted back into the fold of his little fucked-up crew. Once the gossip died down, he wouldn’t show an ounce of remorse, only swagger.
“Actually, that isn’t why he fights, but it’s not my place to talk about that.” Emily blushed and went back to fidgeting again, wringing her hands in her lap and biting her lip.
I should’ve known Emily would be on his side, keeping his secrets, and trying to defend him. I wanted to challenge her on it, but I didn’t have the energy. She’d think whatever the fuck she wanted to. It didn’t matter what I had to say.
“I don’t care anymore.” I sighed. “He can take all the hits he wants, as far as I’m concerned. That man is dead to me. I don’t ever want to see him. I hate him and everything he stands for.”
Emily hummed out some weak form of agreement and we sat there, finishing our tea in silent contemplation. Eventually, Emily piped up first.
“If you want to get that first meeting over with, there’s a party next week at the waterworks. Brandon’s doing his first fight there. You should come.”
“Why would I want to meet him? Why would I put myself through that?” I couldn’t believe they were laying the bloody red carpet out for him like that. Making his return something to talk about. He left for a reason. He didn’t deserve any recognition for his comeback. I certainly wasn’t going to be there to see all that fake fanfare.
“I just thought it might be better on your terms. You wouldn’t have to go up to him or speak to him. But maybe seeing him in a crowded room might help fight some of those demons you’re wrestling.”
Like it was that easy to get rid of my demons. The devil appeared in many forms, and in Sandland, his face was one of them. Why would I purposely put myself through that?
“I appreciate the offer, but I’d rather avoid him completely. Thanks though.”
I thought that’d be the end of it, but she wasn’t giving up easily.
“I hear what you’re saying, but you won’t be able to avoid him forever. Sandland’s a small town.”
Just watch me.
“You’re talking like he has some effect on my life. He doesn’t. He wasn’t a part of my life before it all happened and he isn’t now. I’d rather forget he exists.”
I was lying, of course. Brandon Mathers consumed ninety-nine percent of my thoughts. Actually, since chatting with Legion, it was probably slightly less, but still, he was dominating my life. Forgetting he existed would be like forgetting to breathe.
After a while, Emily stood up to leave. She’d achieved what she came to do; she’d told me about his return. But she seemed disappointed that I didn’t see him the way she did. She obviously had empathy for whatever it was that made him tick. I just saw that tick as a time-bomb ready to go off and destroy everything that I loved now he was back.
I followed her out of the living room and down the hallway.
“I’ll send you details of the party, in case you change your mind,” she said, opening the front door.
“I won’t change my mind,” I answered firmly, but Emily wasn’t listening. She was cooing over something on the front step.
“Oh my God, these are beautiful. There’s no card though. Are they for you or your mum?” She leant down to pick something up, and when she straightened up and turned to face me, I saw them. A bouquet of white roses wrapped in cellophane. No note. No RIP message. Just the flowers this time. But I knew who they were from. This was his ‘I’m back’ message.
Emily placed them in my arms, and like a dumb fool, I stood there and took them without saying a word.
“Looks like someone has an admirer.” She winked and then waved her goodbyes as she left.
I watched her get into her car and drive off, then I looked around. I knew he was there somewhere, watching me. I could feel him. He wanted to see how I’d react to the news that he’d returned. How I’d respond to his flowers. They were beautiful; Emily was right. But I didn’t want them in my house. They were his sick way of reminding me what I’d lost. Him trying to control and frighten me.
I walked over to the side of the house, opened the lid of the bin, and dropped them in. They belonged in the trash, and so did he. I grinned, looking down at them, knowing they would die in that dark, filthy box. A fitting end for something beautiful that he’d touched. He tainted everything.
Satisfied that I’d given him the show he’d come to watch, I turned and marched back into the house. When I shut the door, I leant my back against it and squeezed my eyes shut. I didn’t know how much longer I could hold it all together. I felt like the pressure gauge in my head was building again and I needed a release.
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