EmoGirl- I don’t know if they were his favo
urite flowers, but I left them on his grave. It’s the first time I’ve been there.
JoeNotExotic- That’s a big step for you, Emo. I’m proud of you, hun. I know you don’t really have much to do with that side of your family.
EmoGirl- It’s not through choice, Joe. I don’t know them. They don’t know me. I should make more of an effort, I suppose. It’s not like I have a lot of family around me at the moment. I could do with a bit of extra support sometimes.
JoeNotExotic- Take it at your pace, babe. At the end of the day, if they wanted you in their lives, they’d be there for you. I’ll always be there for you.
Fucking_Alan- Is it wrong that I wanna sing the ‘Friends’ theme tune now?
JoeNotExotic- Alan, we’d expect nothing less.
EmoGirl- I need cheering up, Al. Tell me about the worst date you’ve ever been on.
JoeNotExotic- I think we’ve heard about them all already.
Fucking_Alan- There’s always more, my friend. I am a veritable Wikipedia of dating don’ts. Okay, which one do I go with?
I’ve got it…
It’s gotta be the notorious Felicity.
She turned up at the bar steaming drunk. It was six o’clock and this girl was paralytic. So wasted she could barely stand up. I asked her why she’d had a drink before she came out and she told me she was nervous…
Tommytank- Had to get shit-faced just to date you, hey, Alan?
Fucking_Alan- Lol, Tom. No. She said she’d liked me for ages and she needed a little something to calm her nerves. Two minutes later, she threw up in her handbag and then lurched forward and tried to kiss me. Grossest kiss I’ve ever dodged. Pure filth.
EmoGirl- OMG.
Fucking_Alan- That’s not even the punch line, Emo. Turns out she had her two kids in the beer garden waiting on us. I didn’t even know she had kids. Don’t get me wrong, I’d happily date a MILF. But one who shows up comatose with her kids at the pub? Nah. I’ll pass.
Legion has joined the chat.
EmoGirl- Perfect place to jump in, Legion. Alan was just telling us all about barf-gate.
Legion- How will I ever recover from the loss of hearing that story?
When I saw his name, my heart did a little happy dance. He was here. He was always here when I needed him. The private chat box appeared and I clicked without hesitation.
Legion- Little warrior. How’s it going?
LadyStoneheart23- All the better for being on here.
Legion- Tell me something you did today that made you smile.
I was going to type, coming on here and chatting to you, but that sounded way too cheesy.
LadyStoneheart23- I took a bouquet of flowers from my fucked-up stalker and dumped them in the trash.
Legion- And how did that make you feel?
LadyStoneheart23- Like I was giving him the finger. I knew he was watching me. I’d have preferred to shove the flowers up his ass. Those thorns would be a killer. Lol. But the trash was the next best thing.
Legion- You, my little warrior, are a girl after my own heart.
That made me smile.