This Cruel Love

“What’s your favourite memory? From here?” He wrapped his arms around me and pierced me with his stare.

“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. “There’s too many to choose from. I guess I’d have to say the feeling of this place is the best memory.” He cocked his eyebrow at me, so I went on. “This place makes me feel like anything is possible. It’s magical. It’s ours.”

I bent down slightly to inspect the trunk, and sure enough they were still there, our initials, T and R.

“Travis did that when he was grounded one summer. He was so pissed off with the folks that he spent the majority of his time hiding out here. He carved our initials into the tree in protest. I think it was his way of rebelling.”

“I remember.” Jackson bent down and brushed aside a weed that was clinging to the bark, and there next to the T and R was a J. “He put mine on there too.”

I gasped. Why had I never noticed that before?

“You came here a lot, didn’t you? When you were growing up.”

He hung his head and a sadness washed over him. “Yeah, I did. Your house was a damn sight more appealing than mine was back then.” He shook his head, like he was shaking off the bad thoughts.

“So, what’s your favourite memory?” I ventured, not sure if dragging him back in time was a good thing, considering what had happened to his father.

“You.”

Damn, he always had a way of making me melt like a marshmallow on a camp fire. He said the sweetest things.

“What do you remember about me?” I sucked in my bottom lip, anxiously waiting.

He reached out to me and twirled one of my curls around his fingers and smiled. “I remember your hair. It was always tied up with a ribbon, but these curls could never be tamed. They were wild, just like you.” I blushed and dipped my head.

“I remember your mum would dress you up in the cutest little outfits, but you always ended up getting covered in mud or worse, falling in that damn stream over there.”

“What can I say?” I shrugged. “I was a Tomboy.”

“No, you weren’t a Tomboy, you were just inquisitive. I remember sitting with you when you had your little tea parties with your dolls, and pretending to drink tea out of an empty plastic tea cup like an idiot. I didn’t care though. I still did it, even though Travis thought I was a pussy. I’d do anything for you.”

I sighed. Why didn’t I remember all this? It wasn’t fair.

“I remember walking through your front door, and seeking you out way before I’d find your brother. I liked having you close. You… soothed me. I was always on edge back then, still am most days if I’m honest, but having you around, it changed all that. You were the calm in my storm, my little talisman. My happy place.”

“I’ll always be your happy place, for as long as you…” He hushed and stopped me talking by placing his finger over my lips, then giving me a gentle peck.

“But most of all, I remember how much I loved you. I always wanted to protect you. That day when you fell off here,” he said, knocking his fist against a cracked part of the ladder, “I’ve never felt fear like that, Ryley. That day made me realise that you were such an important part of my life. You were my fucking life. Without you I had nothing. You made me want to wake up and live another day, even on the shittiest days, the thought of seeing you was… it was everything. You have always been the sunshine in my life. My sunshine. Mine.”

He raised his head to the sky and blew out a low deep breath, then bent down to the floor.

“If you’re looking for evidence of my fall, I think it’d be long gone by now.” I joked, but then my words stuck in my throat.

Everything around us just stopped. Sounds, life, every fucking thing stopped when I saw him on his knee with… wait, was that two little velvet boxes he was holding out to me?

I covered my mouth with my hands and felt the tears welling up in my eyes.

“Please don’t cry, baby. I don’t want tears today.” He took another deep breath and then reached forward to pull my hands free from my face.

“Ryley, I love you. You’re my angel. I couldn’t imagine what my life would be like without you in it. Well, actually I can, because I had to endure years of it, and let me tell you it was completely and utter

ly shit.”

He was trembling. He took another deep breath in, his chest puffing out as he struggled to maintain control.

“Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I’ve wasted enough time in my life, I don’t want to waste another day. In the words of my best friend, Cill, I need to get this shit locked down before I fuck things up. Hmmm, that didn’t sound as romantic coming out of my mouth as it did in my head. Jesus, I’m messing this up big time-”

“Just say it.” I urged him on, desperate to shout my answer back and claim what was mine… him.