“In a few days.”
He nods. “How have you been?”
“Horrible. You?”
He cups the back of his neck, guilt marring his face.
“Are you—”
“Are we really going to do small talk?”
He runs a hand down his bearded jaw and pulls it away before shaking his head and shoving his hands in his pockets. “Laney, I’m so sorry. For the things I said. For the way I acted. I’ve never acted like that. Ever. I’ve never felt like that. It scared the shit out of me.”
“Me too.”
He studies me, his face filled with remorse. “I’m so sorry for a lot of things.”
I nod. “I know. Me too.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for.” He takes a step forward, and I’m hit with the familiar scent of his cologne. The cologne my mother bought for him on one of our happiest days. He still wears it, even without her audience.
I’ll never stop loving this man.
Senses reeling, I swallow all the things I want to say and let him take the lead. The ball has been in his court the whole time we’ve been apart. In a way, this is our moment of truth. We stand divided for endless seconds, just staring.
“I made my mistakes,” I confess, “I know what they were. But you’re right, you should be sorry. And you went silent on me.”
He shakes his head as if to ward off emotion while we both choke on the pain radiating between us. All too clearly, I can see the battle warring in his head.
The future I’ve been so scared of is now, I’m standing in it. There are no decisions left to make. Today is the first day of the rest of the forever I have, and I want to live in it with him. With a hopeful heart, I stare on at him, willing him to believe me. Willing him to bridge the gap, because it’s his to close.
It’s when he remains quiet, that his lack of words rip what’s left of my heart apart.
For me, today marks the beginning. For him, it means goodbye.
“I’m glad you came.”
“I didn’t want to miss it.”
“I wanted to thank you.”
“For?”
I manage a smile. “For proving to me, that I’m just a regular girl.”
“You’re nothing like any other girl, Laney.”
“I very much am,” I laugh through watery eyes. “It’s a different world I’m living in now, Houseman. No going back.”
He draws his brows.
“Because now I understand all these random things I didn’t before, and it’s been utter hell and sheer bliss. Now I can feel Gran’s favorite song rather than just hear it. I can empathize with the poor sobbing idiot in the movie because I am her. In this new world, I’m capable. Capable of all of it. Capable of making big decisions that make or break me.” I look directly at him. “Of ghost pains.” He closes his eyes briefly, and I flick my gaze to the grass, willing myself to stay strong. “Even if I still suck at making the small decisions.”
“Laney—”
I snap my tear-filled eyes to his, my voice cracking in hurt and anger. “But you cut us off at the root before we even had a chance to figure out which way we were growing. So, don’t tell me you’re sorry for how you acted. Tell me you’re sorry that you didn’t try and help save us. That you let me cry in bed every damned night for weeks wondering if you meant a word you said to me. But I guess you’ve said it all by saying nothing. But don’t let me back you into a corner, Houseman. Because I can say plenty. I miss you. I miss your noise. I miss you all day, every day, and every second of every minute. So, until you’ve made your mind up about me, don’t say another word to me.”
And then I do the only thing I can, I let the rest of my fight go.