“Promise me you don’t hold me responsible for anything she did.” Fuck where the hell had that come from? I wasn’t even aware that I had that in me that my mind had taken me there. Maybe it was good that we were having this talk after all. My brother studied me like I was missing a few marbles; little did he know I’ve been feeling like it here lately. What guy wanted to wake up one day and realize the girl he thought he loved was capable of setting an innocent young girl up to be raped? I had no idea what to do with any of this shit. While the rest of the world had gone on with life as usual I was trapped in a place inside myself that would not let me forget what a complete fool I’d been. Tough guy Matt Steele was nothing more than a blind fool. How could I trust anything ever again?
“Are you high Matthew?”
“The fuck? Of course not why would you ask me that?” Is that what my family thought?
“No reason I’m just trying to figure out why you’re talking like an asshole, sorry.”
“I can’t help it bro, this shit is messing with my head. How could I not have known what she was? I wasted three years of my life on that shit.”
“Well if you feel that way about it why would you give her another day?”
“Come again?”
“This shit you’re doing, it’s letting her win. She has that much control over you bro, that’s on you. She did her thing now she’s gone, you need to move the fuck on.”
“Dude are you seventeen or seventy; your old wise ass.” I punched his shoulder playfully; it was the first time I’d had any physical contact with anyone in what felt like forever. My brother and I have always been the rumble tumble type. One of us was always thumping the shit out of the other, it’s how we communicated that love we had for each other. Even that had been sullied, somehow I felt like I’d lost that right. I’d failed him in the worst way possible and now I didn’t know how to get us back. Dude you are totally turning bitch; I shook my head at my inner musings.
“Fuck you bro.” he returned the punch with a grin and I felt that sore place inside ease just a little.
“Nice way to talk to the wounded Steele.” I turned to look at my new sister in law as she joined us.
“There she is, what’re you doing down here Lamb, I thought you said you were tired?”
“I was but then I rolled over and you were gone.”
She came over and stood next to him, her hand going automatically to his hair. That didn’t last long before he was pulling her down into his lap. Not long after that the disgusting face sucking commenced.
“Seriously? I think mom and dad need to build some sort of stall out back for you two animals.” They totally ignored me so I went back to brooding for all of five seconds.
“I was just telling big brother how he’s going to be rooming with us at university.”
“Uh you didn’t tell me that part bro you only told me about the snooping princess.”
“That’s because my baby came out here and I got distracted.” And they were at it again it was enough to give a guy a complex.
“Why don’t I find something to do elsewhere while you two fornicate on the patio? Never mind that I was sitting out here minding my business first.” So I was sulking sue me.
“Your brother’s being an old woman again crazy boy.”
“That hurts, later.” I got up to leave but her next words stopped me cold.
“See I told you, he resents me, if I hadn’t come along Patricia wouldn’t have lost her mind and did what she did.”
I looked over my shoulder to see if she was playing around but the look on my brother’s face gave me room for doubt.
“That’s stupid Carrie, I don’t think any such thing, I just…you guys just got married you need your alone time.” Lame Matt.
“That’s what the honeymoon was for bro, now we’re back and it’s get your head out of your ass time.”
“Josh…”
“Ssh babe I got this. You want to be a jerk go right ahead bro but you won’t make Lamb feel like a stranger in her own home, especially not over that bitch who isn’t worth a moment’s thought.” They got up to leave and I felt like shit, was I really that bad? Shit I thought I was doing a better job of hiding my shit, it’s the reason I was keeping mostly to myself these days. Looks like I couldn’t even get that right either.
I walked over to them and took my life in my hands by hugging my new sister in law. Yeah my brother is that fucking gone, he doesn’t like anyone to touch her.