This was a conversation best left for when she was better.
“We’ll talk when you’re feeling better okay, just know that I’m not going anywhere, ever again.”
She fell asleep after that.
Chapter 27
Josh
I’d had my parents get our work from school so we could keep up with our classes while she was in here.
There was no way I was leaving her; we spent our days reading and completing assignments.
She was being kept until her vitals were back to normal and they were sure she was on the mend, my dad had a lot to do with that I’m sure because these days they were quick to kick you out of the hospital bed.
“Are you ready for your shower?”
She’d been getting sponge baths from the nurse but this was her third day here, although she was still weak, she insisted on taking a shower, I’d told her the only way that was going to happen was if I was there to take care of her
We haven’t had any heavy discussions as yet, everything has been kept light, but we both know that we needed to have that talk; so far it’s just been about school work and lighter things.
Every night I held her as she slept, watching over her until sleep took me away as well.
I helped her up from the bed and into the bathroom; she was being shy all of a sudden.
“Stop that baby; I’ve seen you naked before, there’s nothing to be shy about.”
I took the back of the gown from her grasp as she held onto the IV machine with the other.
Peeling it off first one arm and then unhooking the bag from the machine to remove the other I almost fell to my knees at what I saw.
She got into the shower stall and turned on the water quickly while I hooked the saline bag back up, never taking my eyes from her body.
I started to run the washcloth over her back and that’s when I fucking broke.
With the shower running, I pulled her down on the floor of the stall into my lap as I cried.
“I’m so sorry baby.....” Her fucking body, not that she’d had much weight to begin with, but she was healthy before, I could count her ribs now, her hip bones were pronounced, and her vertebrae were shooting through her skin.
She felt like a starved kitten under my hands.
What the fuck had I done, when I’d decided to keep myself away from her, I’d never expected this. I expected her to push back hard, to show me that she was tough, but eventually she would realize she couldn’t live without me.
I’d obviously underestimated the weakness of her psyche and in doing so had almost killed her.
“I’m so sorry lamb...I promise you, never again, no matter what.”
I took one of her malnourished hands in mine and brought our joined hands to my chest over my erratically beating heart.
“I want you to listen to me, as long as I live, no matter how mad I might become, I will never not be in love with you, never, please hold on to that.
I’m sorry I hurt you like this, there are no words to justify what I did, no excuses good enough, but I will make this up to you, just please baby, don’t ever do this to yourself again. I love you little lamb, others might not understand, they might think we’re too young to know, but I know, I know I’ll never love anyone the way I love you, and believe it or not, I know from this, that you love me as much as I love you,....just please baby....don’t...”
I couldn’t finish as she turned her head into my neck and cried, heart hurt, gut wrenching sobs that shook her poor emaciated body like she was about to break apart.
I folded her slight form into my arms and held her as she cried out her sorrow while the water poured down on us.
I had a lot to do, after we’d finished in the shower I’d changed her gown for one of my t shirts and had them change the sheets on her bed.
I slow fed her the burger I’d had Matt sneak in for her, they didn’t want her eating too much too fast, but she wanted it and I figured if I gave her little bites every few minutes it should be okay.
There was no repeat performance from Paula and Captain had been in and out the last few days, he seemed to be getting better at trusting me with her again, but I knew that relationship needed to be rebuilt as well. I’d been a total dick to him.
Don’t be fooled, I’m still the same Joshua, I’ve just been putting shit in perspective, I’m always going to be dominant, that’s who the fuck I am, but I’d learned that as tough as she pretended to be, it’d been a con, she was tough yes, with everyone else, but with me, it was another story, just as she was the one that could break me, I was her one weakness as well.