‘I can walk,’ I croak.
‘It’ll be faster this way,’ he says. In the lift I feel his eyes staring down at me, but I keep my head bent.
Inside the apartment he lays me on the couch and goes to the liquor cabinet. He pours us both brandies. A super large one for him, which he throws down his throat, and a smaller one that he brings to me. I take it and curve my hands around the cold glass. He sits opposite me. His face is still pale under his tan.
‘Do you want a hot drink?’ he asks.
I shake my head.
‘Drink up,’ he instructs.
I take a gulp and the alcohol runs through my body like fire.
‘Finish it,’ he says.
I do it and he leans forward and takes the glass from my hand.
I look up at him to say thank you and my breath is stolen from me at the strange unfathomable expression on his face. ‘Why did you leave the club?’ he asks.
‘I went to the Ladies and met Nikki.’ My voice is emotionless. Truly I don’t feel any of the emotion I felt before. I just feel like a shell.
His face crumples. ‘Oh, Snow. What do you want from me? I’ve never pretended with you. You knew what I was. I chased pussy. But, every one of those girls knew exactly where they stood with me from day one. I never cheated on anyone and certainly not her. Yes, I slept with her, but she was never anything to me and she knew that.’
‘It was just a shock. I guess I am more jealous than what I thought.’
He looks at me curiously. ‘What actually happened outside the club?’
‘I’m really tired, Shane. Can we please talk about it in the morning?’
‘OK, let’s get you in bed.’
And the truth is, the trauma with Nikki and what happened outside the club has actually utterly exhausted me. I feel numb. The whole night is like a dream. My eye lids are so heavy they close even as my head touches the pillow. The last thing I remember before I fall into a deep sleep is his large, strong hand curling around mine.
He whispers something in my ear, but I don’t catch it.
Twenty-two
SNOW
One year before …
‘Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to wonder what was going to happen next.’
—Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Kim, my new roommate in the YHA hostel, was not strictly beautiful, but she was attractive, with bright laughing eyes, dark shiny hair and, as I said before, had the biggest grin I’d ever seen in my life. And I warmed to her instantly.
‘And I’m Snow,’ I said.
‘Cool name. So where’re you from then?’ she asked.
‘India.’
She looked me up and down. ‘No kidding. I thought Indians were brown.’
‘Mostly. There are fair Indians up north, but in my case my mother is English and my father half-Portuguese.’
‘So you … like just arrived.’