Yes, but that wasn’t because I loved her. I didn’t say anything. He had no point.
“Do you stare at your phone and want to call her just to hear her voice? When you are with her, everything seems right. All the bad shit goes away. You feel lighter.” He stopped then and shook his head. “Don’t answer. I already know the truth and so do you. But let Ezmita go. Let her be the one that got away.”
He walked off then and I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. There was no such thing as the one that got away. It was choices. Everybody made them. I was making one now. I was letting Ezmita live her life. She wasn’t sitting around thinking about me. She was moving on. I’d seen the guy she’d been talking to. They had been standing close, and there had been something there. He worked there and he’d be around her all the time. He wasn’t moving away. He liked her. I could see that easy enough. It had been there in the way he looked at her.
The idea of her with him drove me fucking nuts, but what could I do? I wouldn’t be here. My life was about to become football. It would own me, and when I wasn’t practicing, I’d be in classes, having to keep my GPA up. I wouldn’t have time to come back on weekends. Hell, I wouldn’t have anywhere to stay. My home wasn’t here. I didn’t have a home. My mood soured even more.
I drank the rest of my beer, then got up to go get some more. I might as well drink until I didn’t care that Ezmita would fall in love with some guy who wasn’t me. She’d make him laugh and beat him at Madden. She would snuggle against him, and he’d get to enjoy how damn good she smelled. It would be the guy at the store or some other guy. It just wouldn’t be me. I needed the whole damn keg to deal with this.
I spoke to those who stopped to talk to me as I made my way to the keg. I pretended to care what they were talking about. I answered questions about Ole Miss, and someone put another drink in my hand. I drank it, then went to get another.
There were more people arriving and some faces I didn’t know. The field was back to life, but it wasn’t like old times. Those would never be again. This was new times… for everyone else. The beginning of an era I had no part in. I drank to that, I drank to Ezmita falling in love with some unknown guy one day, I drank to leaving this town, and I drank to Hunter. After all, that was the reason we were here.
At some point, things became fun. I enjoyed talking about the past. I laughed and I think I danced with some girls, but I wasn’t sure who. Everything had become a blur, but at least I didn’t feel lost anymore. I didn’t feel anything.
* * *
“Stop,” I said, sitting up from my reclined position in the passenger seat of my truck.
Walker McNair frowned but did as I asked. Ryker or Nash would have asked me questions or ignored me. I was glad they’d given me Walker as my designated driver. He was a good kid. I guess. I wasn’t fucking sure. He was sober, so that was something. He was better than me.
“You gotta puke?” he asked, pulling over on the side of the road. I opened the truck door and struggled to get out.
I ignored McNair and worked hard to focus. She was here. I would recognize her anywhere. There she was. Walking toward me. Good. I could stand still until the world stopped moving. She was coming to me.
I Was Ready to Let Him Go CHAPTER 40
EZMITA
“Ezmita!” Asa yelled as if I was far away. When I reached him, I grabbed his arm as he started to lean too far to the left. He stunk of beer and smoke. Not cigarettes but a bonfire. The field. They had gone back to the field. He stumbled toward me, and I grabbed him to keep him from falling on me and knocking us both to the ground.
“Easy,” I said, not sure I could hold him up if it came to that. Glancing behind him at his truck, I checked to make sure he wasn’t driving. A guy who looked sober was in the driver’s seat, and he waved at me. “Hi,” I said, then looked back at Asa.
“You have a little too much beer at the field tonight?” I asked him.
He laughed. “Yeah. I think so,” he said.
“Well, why are you out of the truck? Looks like you need to go home.”