What Lovers Do

Jules eyes me with her full attention.

“We are all one event away from losing. Losing our minds. A job. A loved one. A marriage. A dream. We are all one event away from losing ourselves. Stability and sanity are not human qualities. They are not genetic traits. They are a state of mind. Now, do you want your eyes examined?”

Jules inches her head side to side like she’s processing what I said before the eye exam offer. “Did you tell Shep you love him?”

“He knows.”

“How? Did you say it?”

“Not in words.”

“Then it doesn’t count.”

I frown. “When we were in Santa Monica … having sex, it wasn’t sex for pleasure. Well, it started out that way, but it was more. Like you know when it’s more, when you’re done, words you can’t take back are exchanged? There’s a look you share that acknowledges what just happened went way beyond sex?”

“Yeahhh … so words were exchanged?”

“No. I stopped him, stopped us short of saying anything because that was before he knew I was pregnant. And I knew our time had an approaching expiration date.”

“Then he doesn’t know, Sophie! You have to say the words. Five seconds ago, you spoke such profound words about humans losing themselves and stability and sanity being a state of mind, which means it’s fragile and ever-changing. He doesn’t know you love him. And if you didn’t let him say the words when he wanted to, then he thinks you stopped him from saying them because you don’t feel the same way!” Jules is really worked up. Scooted to the edge of the chair. Hands making all sorts of gestures as she pleads her case.

“It’s a moot point now.”

“Moot schmoot. Go to him. Say, ‘I love you. I don’t want to lose you because I’m a surrogate for my sister and her husband. If you can’t handle watching me go through this pregnancy, I understand. But wait for me because I’m worth waiting for, and I’m not done loving you. I will never be done loving you.’”

I press my hand to my chest. “That’s so romantic.”

She smiles, slowly sighing after that performance.

“But no. I’m not doing that.”

“What? You just said it was romantic.”

“And it is. But … but … I’ve pleaded my case twice. I’ve suggested we stay friends. And my case was good. But twice he rejected my offer. I really have to muster a little dignity.”

Jules rolls her eyes. “You had Jimmy out of your house and you let him back inside. Don’t try to feed me the dignity line. You have no dignity.”

I cringe because it’s a little true.

“And suggesting Shep be friends with you is not the same thing as declaring your love. He needs the promise of an endgame. Commitment. Marriage. A baby that’s his. How can you be so smart and so stupid at the same time?”

Giving her words some thought, I nod slowly. “I’ll tell him.”

The most triumphant grin overtakes her face.

“If he rejects me a third time, I’m done. Maybe I lost my dignity, but it’s time I find it again.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

SHEP

Marta has knee surgery, so Riley takes as many extra shifts as she can. However, it’s mostly just me running the store. Me and my growing pack of dogs. Being short staffed is not a problem unless there’s an issue with one of the wash stations or a customer wants to talk forever about freeze-dried treats versus dehydrated treats while five other customers wait at the register.

Today is one of those days.

After I fix the leaky hose and end the unnecessary treat debate with a “just buy both,” I get back to the register.

“Dude. Are you the owner? If so, you need to hire some help,” some smart ass says as he waits at the back of the line.

I don’t have time to look at him. “I am. And thanks for stating the obvious,” I mumble.

The woman first in line laughs at my reply.

By the time I get to Mr. Smart Ass, I’m no longer focused on him. “Cersei?” I pull out a treat for her.

“You’ve met Cersei?” The guy with tattoos covering one of his arms eyes me with suspicion.

“Yes. She uh … used to be a regular. Are you her dog walker?” I scan his items.

He chuckles. “No. I’m her mom’s boyfriend.”

“Sophie’s boyfriend?” I ask without sounding shocked, but I am.

“Yeah. And I was totally kidding, man. I’m sure being the only employee on a busy day isn’t exactly easy.” He hands me a debit card before I give him the total.

Jimmy Houser.

I swipe his card. “How long have you known Sophie?”

He shrugs, entering his PIN. “I don’t remember. It’s been a while. I’m trying to remember when I moved in with her?” He twists his lips and narrows his eyes. “Can’t remember. Anyway, what’s your name?”

“Shep.” I hand him his receipt.