What Lovers Do

Shep flinches slightly. I think he just realized “my friend” with boyfriend issues was, in fact, me.

“I couldn’t tell you about the baby, and I was incredibly embarrassed about my situation with Jimmy. And you weren’t supposed to be in my life. Yet, there you were. A desperately needed moment of reprieve. A moment of peace. A breath. Shep, you made it easier to breathe. Then you made claim to my heart piece by piece. It happened slowly at first, nearly undetectable. Then in Santa Monica you just … took the whole damn thing in one afternoon. Then…” I shake my head “…Jimmy’s mom died. You decided we couldn’t be friends. And things fell apart. Friends pretend to be strong even when they’re not. They’re experts at putting on a brave face for each other. I needed your brave face … but you walked away.”

I point to myself. “But I didn’t. I saw what you needed. You needed an out. So I put on my brave face and gave it to you. I was the better friend.” I quickly brush away a tear. “You …” Pulling in a wobbly breath, I shake my head. “You are a terrible friend.”

But I love you. God … I love you so much.

Some people dance around the truth. I just performed an entire recital of theatrics, saying everything but the truth.

Maybe we’ll never be real.

Except for a few dogs whining and making an occasional bark, the store is quiet. The “confessing my love” speech just went way off the rails in front of the dog world.

I know it’s only a few seconds, but in my head and my heart it feels like eternity. Shep drops his gaze from me to the customer at the counter and says, “Did you find everything you were looking for?”

With plenty of eyes still on me, I tuck my chin, pivot, and leave Wag Your Tail. Now I know the answer. I won’t spend another second of my life wondering.

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

Over the next week, I force myself to stick to a routine. Work. Crochet. Exercise. Walk Cersei. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. If I don’t schedule in time to think about Shep, I won’t. Well, that’s not true, but the goal is eventually to no longer think about him.

When I get home on a Friday, the first thing I notice is the missing urn on the coffee table. I make my way toward the bedrooms, peeking inside Jimmy’s room and turning on the light. Everything’s gone.

“Cersei?” She’s not here either. Jimmy must have her.

I check my phone. No messages. When I call him, he answers on the third ring.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hey. I’m home. All your stuff is gone. So is Cersei. Either we were robbed and the robbers didn’t take anything of mine except my dog, or …”

“I moved out.”

I laugh a little. “Okay. You said it would be another week or two since there was a delay with the carpet.”

“Check your security camera footage.”

“Why?” I make my way to the kitchen.

“Just check it.”

“Okay. I’ll check it.”

“And Sophie?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m not mad.”

“Mad?”

“You deserve someone like that.”

“Like … what?”

He’s being so cryptic.

“Someone who kicks the squatter to the curb because no one is going to take advantage of the woman he loves. You deserve that kind of love. I should have loved you like that. And I don’t have Cersei. He must have taken her.” Jimmy disconnects the call.

I stare at the screen for a few seconds. “What are you talking about?” I mumble to myself while bringing up the security footage from inside and outside of the house. “Oh my god …” It’s Shep and some other guy. I rewind further to them arriving at my house in Shep’s car. They go to the door. Jimmy answers. They drag him out of the house. Jimmy fights back, but he’s outnumbered. Cersei barks, but she doesn’t attack anyone. Wow … she’s not a good watch dog.

Words are spewed, but there’s no audio. After a long exchange and Jimmy getting punched in the face twice, Shep’s friend stays outside with Jimmy while Shep makes multiple trips in and out of the house with Jimmy’s stuff.

With a final shove for good measure, they release Jimmy and he sprints toward the house which instigates another altercation. Jimmy catches a few more blows to his face. Then Shep stomps into the house and grabs the urn, returning to Jimmy and shoving it into his chest as he points toward the street. I speed up the video as Jimmy loads his stuff into the back of his mom’s old car and drives off. Shep and his friend tidy up the house, take Cersei, and leave.

It’s not good for me to be angry. Can I talk myself out of this level of anger? Probably not. He has my dog. What is wrong with him?