What Lovers Do

Grabbing my keys, I drive to Shep’s house, taking slow, deep breaths the whole way. This poor baby.

When I knock on the door, dogs bark. It’s so loud. He must have Julia and George too. It’s a lot of barking.

“Just a sec,” Shep yells from the other side of the door.

I unclench my jaw and my fists. My anger won’t easily dissipate.

The door opens, and it’s just him and Cersei. She comes to me, and I bend down to pet her, keeping my gaze on Shep the whole time. He’s wearing the same tee and jeans he had on in the video footage.

“What the hell have you done?”

Sliding his hands into his pockets, he leans against the doorframe. “You’ll have to be more specific.”

Baby. Baby. Baby.

In my calmest voice possible, I steady my shaky words. “You beat up Jimmy, kicked him out of my house, and stole my dog.”

“Whoa …” His head juts backward, eyes narrowed. “I didn’t steal your dog. I wasn’t sure when you’d be home, so I brought her here to feed her dinner. She’s been on a walk and played with the pack.”

Standing to my full height, I tip my chin up. “You. Beat. Up. Jimmy.”

“I removed him from your home a lot faster than the legal system was doing it. You’re welcome.”

“Why? I didn’t ask you to do that. He was planning on leaving in a week or two.”

“Oh. I’ll tell you why, but I want to get the wording correct. Come in.” He disappears into the house, and I’m forced to follow him.

Gathered on the other side of his sliding doors to the backyard there are five dogs.

“Why do you have all of those dogs?”

Shep ignores me. He’s too busy unfolding a piece of paper. “The security footage at the shop doesn’t have audio, but the dog camera that’s right by the door has it, so I was able to replay everything and write down what you said.” He smooths out the wrinkled piece of paper using the edge of his counter before studying it.

“W-why …. why would you do that?”

He glances at me quickly. “So I didn’t miss anything.” Returning his gaze to the paper, he clears his throat. “There’s a lot here, but I tried to prioritize. So … let’s see.” He mumbles a bit, “I’m a terrible friend … uh … let’s see … a weasel … um … there’s the list of things I didn’t live up to … this, that, okay… where is it? Oh, here. Friends fix things. And then …” He narrows his eyes, scanning the page again. “Right here. ‘When we met, I was in the process of trying to evict Jimmy, my ex-boyfriend.’” Shep eyes me with confidence in his posture. “Done. I fixed that for you. It felt most pressing. You’re welcome.”

I’ve got nothing. Not one word. Barely a blink.

“Oh …” He gestures toward the pack of dogs behind the doors. “Instead of binge drinking or hooking up with a string of bad decisions or eating loads of shitty food, I’ve been adopting dogs from the shelter. It’s getting out of hand. I might need to find a new vice. I think this list will help.” He holds up the piece of paper.

“I’m going to continue to make my way through it. I fear some things will require some decoding. Other things are painfully blunt. I’m a little competitive, so as you can imagine, I’m going to do whatever it takes not to be a terrible friend.”

He pockets his hands and lifts his shoulders into a big shrug before dropping them with a loud exhale. “I’m sorry, Sophie.” He deflates a fraction. It’s an unexpected surrender. “If you can give your sister and her husband a baby … if you can put your life on hold for nine months, I can put on a brave face for you. I can hold your hand. I can be strong for you even on the days I’m not feeling all that strong myself.”

Emotion shoots through me, tingling my skin and burning my eyes. A lump forms in my throat and makes it hard to breathe and nearly impossible to speak.

“I’m going to step up and be more so you never have to feel like less. I’m going to look at you like my friend, Sophie, the woman I admire for her ability to give freely, to love unconditionally. I’m done feeling sorry for myself because Millie’s baby is not mine. Your baby is not mine. This isn’t about me, and I will try my best to remember that.”

He blurs behind my tears.

I swear this baby is the one thing I’ve managed to get right in my life. I’m so not worthy of this man.

“Shep, my life isn’t on hold.” I rest a hand on my belly. “This is my life. This baby is and always will be a part of my life.”