“Okay, so, I’m Odette, and you must be Croix. I’m sure we’ve seen each other around over the years, but I have the brain of a goldfish. Things come into it and then quickly leave it again.”
Croix blinked, likely shocked that she hadn’t immediately asked about his leg, but quickly took it in his stride. “Croix Spring, and yeah, we’ve met. On quite a few occasions, in fact.”
Making herself comfortable, Odette got him to open up, and when Tana arrived an hour later with a happily fed Toby in her arms, she came in as the two of them were laughing about something. I’d tuned them out ages ago while I tried to ring shop online, relieved someone was helping him with the weight on his shoulders.
My weight had been completely different, but I could understand how suffocating it felt to have one. If Odette helped him navigate it this quickly instead of him feeling the oppressive weight for months or years, then hopefully, his recovery would be a little less of a challenge.
It took another week for Croix to begin telling us he didn’t need everyone there, and an additional five days for me to persuade Tana to fly home with me. Her mom and dad were going to stay behind to help him, then Merrick would come back at the weekends to give Carla a break.
Bryce, her dad, was able to work wherever he wanted to, especially after he’d spoken to his boss and told him about his plans to move back to Florida. They didn’t want to lose him, so they were working on setting up a way for him to work remotely and attend meetings in Portland as and when required.
Seeing the dynamic between him, his ex-wife, and Merrick was strange initially, but then I realized that’s what I would have wanted if Carrie had survived and likely what she’d have made sure happened for Toby’s sake.
Significant life changes were coming for all of us, most of them good. It was just Croix’s that we had to worry about the most.
Knowing that she could come back whenever he needed her, Tana tearily said goodbye to him as we left with Jerry and Marie, who were going back to Kissimmee so Hart could get back to school. Obviously, he didn’t have an issue with not going but missing more wasn’t going to do him any favors, so the decision was made for him to return.
It hadn’t escaped my attention that Croix and my sister texted each other as often as possible, but everyone needed friends, so it was a good thing. She couldn’t just take time away from her job when she felt like it, but she seemed to be able to use her phone throughout the day most days, so at least he wasn’t left too long with his thoughts.
Our flight didn’t land in Kissimmee until late at night, and we’d booked a night in a hotel so that Tobe could have a decent night’s sleep. His teeth were coming in fast and furious, so he wasn’t sleeping properly with the pain. Being in a moving vehicle and then being transferred from it to his bed at home would only make him crankier, so it was kinder for everyone this way.
The next morning, before Tana and Toby woke up, I slid out of bed and got dressed. I’d woken up at three AM and had decided to do this, so as soon as the sun kissed the sky, I made my way out of the hotel to pick up some flowers for what I needed to do.
Carrie Ella Granger
Beloved daughter & adoring mom
Born 8-6-1997
Left us 9-4-2021
Some mothers were made to watch over their
kids from above. We call them guardian angels.
Getting down onto my knees next to Carrie’s grave, I placed the flowers on top of it, next to the other fresh flowers that I had no doubt Clarice and Newt had put there recently. There hadn’t been any flower shops open at this time of the morning, so I’d stopped at a gas station and bought three bunches of roses, then had taken the wrapping off them so they looked better.
“Hey, Carrie. I’m sorry I haven’t been to see you before now, but being a dad has kind of kicked my ass.”
Looking away from her headstone and across the rows of ones in all shapes and sizes, all of them a family’s final gift to a loved one that’d make sure they were never forgotten even after they joined them, I tried to figure out how to say what I’d come here to.
Finally, something clicked.
“I forgive you. I’ve been so angry at you for so long for not telling me about Toby, but I get it. I think I understood it from day one, especially after I read your letter, but I was just so hurt that you hadn’t told me. I still wish I could have been there for you, but we have to choose the paths we walk down.”