Mulling over Josh’s accusation, maybe he was right. Maybe he was too much of a gentleman and it put women off. He was bored with meaningless sex. He craved mental stimulation from a woman. He wanted a conversation that didn’t revolve around the trauma of high heels or how long it had taken her to get ready or worse, the ins and outs of the one thing that turns a woman from Little Miss Sunshine into Carrie once a month, menstruation.
He caught Brody returning to the table from his peripheral, bringing himself back to the conversation at hand.
“It’s not all Mills and Boon, Josh! Trust me.” Kai caught as he turned his attention towards Ben. “She’s pregnant,” he added gloomily.
“Congratulations Ben, you seemed thrilled.” Kai smiled sarcastically.
“I’m not sure how the fuck to feel about it, to be honest, dude. It’s all moving too fast, I had a life plan and this has thrown a spanner in the works,” he grumbled knocking back two shots, one after the other.
“Ben, you’re a married man, naturally kids are going to follow. If it was going to be an inconvenience to you, you should have wrapped it,” Kai replied. He reached across the table for some shots.
“I did, I don’t know what the hell happened.”
“Maybe she wasn’t taking her birth control or pierced holes in the condoms.” Brody laughed, causing the rest of the table to erupt into jovial laughter.
Knocking his shots back, Kai swiped a pint of beer from the middle of the table. “You should be grateful your sperm works, Ben.” Kai added and raised his glass. “To Ben and his mini me.” He smiled as the others clanged their pints against his, all except Ben of course.
“I’m glad this is a fucking joke to you lot, I should have known I’d get no sympathy here.” Ben grumbled when his cell rang loudly on the table. “Jesus Christ! I can’t even have some time out without her calling me every five minutes.” He switched his phone off and rammed it in his jacket pocket.
“I’d kill for what you have, Ben, be a bit more respectful towards your wife, you’ve only been married nine weeks,” Kai said as he drank the rest of his beer and took a shot.
“You’re such a kill joy, Kai. We need to find you a woman ASAP, get you married off, maybe the world would be a better fucking place for you,” Josh retorted.
Anger flashed across Kai’s face and he balled his fists under the table. He’d been fighting the urge to slam his fist into Josh’s face for two years, before long he wouldn’t be able to stop himself.
Noting the sudden tension around the table, Brody tried to diffuse the situation by passing the last of the shots towards Kai. “Drink up, you’re more fun when drunk.”
Laughing, Kai did just that. However, he wished he hadn’t when his focus started to wane an hour later. The faces around the table became slightly blurred as he tried to keep up with the drunken conversation taking place around him. He noticed Brody was glued to his cell phone, now and again smiling to himself. “What gives, Brody? You have been glued to that phone for a while,” Kai slurred.
“It’s this new app, you seen it? It’s called Shots,” he slurred back with a hiccup.
“Never heard of it.” Ben laughed loudly.
“It’s awesome. It’s like a ‘help the needy’ app. People post up their wants or needs online and you can reply. Where do you think all my dates have been coming from for the last month?” Brody replied and let out a hysterical laugh.
Standing up unsteadily, Kai leant over the table and snatched the phone from Brody. Sitting back down he scrolled through the adverts.
In need of a handyman. Urgently. In need of a plumber. Must be good with hands. Kai snorted as he read all the different categories. In need of a date for a works party. In need of a fake fiancé for one week.
He continued to scroll through before suddenly scrolling back to the headline that had captured his drunken attention. In need of a fake fiancé for one week. He read the advert aloud to the rest of the table and laughed. “Who would be desperate enough to want a fake fiancé?” Kai asked at the end of the advert, passing the phone back to Brody.
“You should apply, Kai,” smirked Josh.
“You can play hubby for a week, you know, since you would kill for what I have,” Ben added.
Kai laughed loudly. “I may be desperate, but I’m not that fucking desperate,” he spluttered, trying to keep himself upright on the stool.
“No, you’re right, you’d be too much of a chicken to do something like that huh, Kai?” Josh challenged.
Puffing out his chest, Kai glared through distorted vision at Josh. Nodding at the challenge, he removed his own cell and downloaded the Shots app. Scrolling through, he tried to remember the title of the advert. “What was the advert called again?” He bellowed loudly, causing Ben to jump in fright next to him.
“I want a fake fiancé, or some shit similar,” laughed a drunken Brody.
Continuing to scroll through, he suddenly found it. Adding his personal details and e-mail address, he wrote a few drunken lines and pres
sed send. “There! All done,” smiled Kai as he rammed it back in his pocket. “Who’s chicken now, Josh?” He winked tauntingly.
“Fair play my boy, fair play. Let’s just hope she isn’t some desperate munter with two heads then hey, Kai?” Josh smirked and a loud rumble of deep laughter broke out around the table, they all pointed fingers in Kai’s direction. A sudden wave of nausea crashed over his large frame.