“Goodnight, Ashton,” I whispered and go to lie down on the couch which is my bed right now.
Closing my eyes, I give him the privacy to school his thoughts and his emotions. After a few minutes, just as I’m drifting off to sleep, I feel his soft caress on my hair. I stay as still as I can until I hear him leave the room, then I’m met with the confusing dreams.
~*~
I wake up, panting, and covered in sweat by the nightmare of dark alleys and heavy footsteps. I reach for my phone to see the time - three in the morning. The fire has almost gone. I walk toward the kitchen, filling a glass with water. My eyes wander to the fridge and get stuck to the letters on it as I sip my water: Help him…
“What?” I whispered to myself, but a feeling inside me force my feet to move.
When I reach the hallway, I see the light under one of the doors. It’s not his bedroom, and he didn’t tell me which room this was when he gave me a small tour of the Cabin this afternoon.
I took a few small steps and listened carefully. I would walk by if I didn’t hear his voice, mumbling some things that ended with sobs. I pushed the door open, not even caring if he kicked me out. He was on his knees; his shoulders were shaking uncontrollably.
I rushed to his side, kneeling next to him. “Ashton? Ashton, look at me,” I urged, taking his face in my hands.
His eyes are bloodshot. I hugged him close to me, letting him rest his head on my shoulder as I looked around at my surroundings. The room was covered in pictures, the photos of the same girl.
Is this the April he keeps moaning about in his sleep?
There are also other objects in the room - movies, books, a notebook that looked like a diary.
“Shh… I’m here. You’re okay… you’ll be okay,” I whispered, caressing his hair as he held onto me like a scared child would.
“Wanna talk about it?” I whispered softly.
“I lost her,” he chokes. “I loved her, no, I still love her...but we were too late, too proud.”
“Shh…” I keep caressing his hair, his back. His pain is too much I feel my eyes well up with tears.
I look at the photos on the wall. She is beautiful. Her smile is contagious, I smile at her as tears fell from my eyes.
“She would want you to be happy, Ashton. Don’t let her see you like this. Don’t let her feel your pain, please. Don’t upset her by upsetting yourself.” My voice is still a whisper, I’m afraid of talking louder than that.
I want to respect this sacred place he’s put in place to memorialize the beautiful soul that captured this man’s, heart. He leans back enough to look into my eyes, his arms are still wrapped around me.
“I’m afraid of forgetting her,” he murmurs.
“You won’t forget her.”
“But it doesn’t feel like it. How can I live my life like nothing happened? How can I talk and laugh when she can’t? How can I take someone into my life again, Acacia?”
The look on his eyes makes me gasp. I don’t know if he means taking me in his life, but no matter what he means this is not fair to him.
I leaned closer to him, our lips are an inch apart, but he doesn’t move away. He keeps looking into my eyes with that same strange, intense look. His eyes wander to my lips and back up a few times.
I let my lips graze his, “You’re not betraying her.” I tell him as I caress his hair. “You can’t die along with her
. You have your life to live, you’re still here.”
He leans into me; our first kiss is the most innocent thing two adults could share. It is like two kids placing their lips on one another in a childish way, but he breaks the contact, shaking his head.
“I can’t do this. No… I can’t, I’m sorry,” he mumbles.
“Ashton, that’s okay. Go to bed and get rest… please?” I stand up, reaching out my hand for him to take. After a few seconds, he sighs and holds my hand.
Our hands stay connected as I walked him to his bedroom. I watched as he took off his shirt and got inside his bed, that moment I decided to go back to the living room but he stops me.
“Stay… please.”