I couldn’t stop staring at her, and when Cade started to talk about lacrosse practice and his shift at the diner, I didn’t take anything in. I knew Moira better than anyone—at one stage I had anyway—and she was doing what had always worked for her before. She’d drop a little information, just enough to leave you wondering, and then you’d call her out on it. It was a tactic she used instead of outright saying what was on her mind.
She knew I didn’t beat around the bush, and it had worked on me so many times over the years, but this time, I was keeping my mouth closed. If I started talking about Cresthill, it would lead to Lola, and that was the last thing I needed to talk to Moira about.
“One of the cooks said that she’s always showing up with black eyes and bruises.”
My ears perked up at Cade’s words.
“That’s what happens to girls who are from Cresthill.” Moira shook her head. “Had I known that was where she was from, I’d have never allowed her to tutor you.”
“What?” Cade scrunched his nose up. “What are you talking about? If it weren’t for Lola, I’d have failed out of math and probably English too.”
Moira shrugged, but her gaze flitted over to me, and it hit me light a truck. She knew. She goddamn knew. All the pieces were falling into place, clicking and locking, until I had the whole picture in front of me, as plain as day.
“How do you know she’s from Cresthill?” I asked, trying to keep my voice smooth. If she picked up on the slight tremble, she’d hone in on it.
“She told me a couple of days ago when I gave her a ride home.” She took another sip of her wine and raised a brow. “Did you meet her when you were on the case?”
“I…” I had no idea what to say. I could sit here and deny it, pretend like nothing had happened, but that wasn’t fair to Lola. Something had happened. Something I’d had no control over. Something that was tearing me apart. And not because I’d lied and cheated, but because I couldn’t see her, touch her, witness that laugh that always had a grin forming on my face.
I missed her. Goddammit. I missed her.
“Lola said that she fell over and hit her face on a door, but there was no way that would cause her to have a black eye.”
My muscles tensed, my nostrils flaring, and I slowly turned to face Cade. “What did you say?” I ground out. He frowned at my tone, but I didn’t care, because he was talking in broken sentences, and I was just now starting to understand what he was saying.
“Lola came to work with a black eye.” He frowned and stabbed some food on his fork. “She said she fell over but—”
“Motherfucker!” I stood, my chair sliding back on the floor as I pulled my cell out. I scrolled to my contacts, clicking on her name, and pressing call.
“Brody?” Moira stood, her eyes wide. “Don’t.”
I stayed silent, not willing to answer her as the call rang out, and she didn’t pick up. Shit! It had to be Hut. He’d found her, and she hadn’t come to me. She hadn’t called to tell me. She hadn’t leaned on me. I thought she would. I thought she knew she could rely on me, but had I really given her that impression? I’d told her she wasn’t enough. I’d lied right to her face, and now she was in danger again, and it was all because of me.
“I gotta go.” I took a step away from the table.
“Don’t you dare,” Moira warned, her voice like a shot of ice to my back. “Don’t you dare walk away from this family dinner to go to her.”
I turned around, my chest heaving. I needed to go to her. I needed to see she was okay. Just this once. I’d give myself this one time, and then I could put it all behind me. Right?
“I have to,” I told her, the truth spilling from my lips without a second thought. She knew what was happening, she’d pieced her own story together in her mind, only it wasn’t a story. It was the truth.
“No, you don’t.” She stepped forward and gripped my biceps, her long nails digging into the material of my shirt and making me wince. “Please don’t do this, Brody,” she whispered. “I know what you did. I can see it written all over your face.”
“Moira…” I huffed out a breath and swiped my hand through my hair. “I...I’m sorry.”
“No.” She shook her head. “Sit back down, we’ll finish this meal, and then we can talk it out.” Her gaze batted between my eyes. “We can work it out. We can put it behind us. You were on a case and missed me. That was all it was. We can move past this.”
I blinked down at her, wondering if she really thought that. If she really thought I’d touch someone else because I missed her. It was so far from the truth. I hadn’t really thought of her at all, not when it came to Lola. Lola made me forge
t who I was. Who I was meant to be. She made me feel like the best version of me. She made me smile uncontrollably. She made me laugh. But most of all, she made me feel like me.
I stepped back, letting Moira’s hands slide from my arms and severing the connection. Her eyes told me if I walked out that door after she’d begged me to stay, that would be the end. She didn’t have to physically say the words, but I knew it was coming.
I think I’d known all along.
I’d tried. I’d tried the hardest I could. But love had no bounds. When fate stepped in and veered you off the path you were on, you had no control over what would happen. And right then, I had no control over the way Lola consumed me. The way my body burned with the need to get to her because she might be hurt. It wasn’t about protecting her. It wasn’t about choosing between my wife and the woman I loved. It was never a choice, and I realized that now as I looked at Moira.
We’d had a loving life together at one stage, but it had never been the way it was when I was with Lola. I’d never craved to see her, never felt like I couldn't go one more day if I didn’t hear her voice.