Whiskey and Country

The country music star’s gaze was fixed on me for a minute as I tried to decipher the meaning of his dark stare.

“Listen, you can try to push me away or break us apart, but all it’ll do is bring us closer to each other. I have no intention to fight with you. What Dahlia and I share is bigger and stronger than us. I know you love her. It oozes from every bit of your being. And you do a shit job hiding it. And it’s okay. I won’t play games. I could be jealous and threaten you, but I won’t go there. I’m not here to shove our happiness in your face either. What you two have is amazing. But the thing is, I won’t go away. Dahlia is my soulmate. The one I’m supposed to be with. I’ll fight for us. Until I bleed. Because that’s what soulmates do. They share the same heart.”

Carter cleared his throat, averting his eyes for an instant.

When he brought his attention to me, the lines around his eyes had softened.

“She loves you, you know? I could tell from the moment she talked about you the very first time, that you’d be more than just friends—” He sighed, and his shoulders dropped. He cast a glance down, kicking the linoleum with the sole of his shoe. After a moment, he leveled his eyes up back to me. “When Dahlia loves, she loves with all her heart. It’s powerful. And I wish I could be on the other end of that love. I would give everything I own for a chance. But she doesn’t love love me the same way.” His voice cracked, a contrast to the heavy stare locked on me. “Don’t break her heart. This will be my only warning.”

“I won’t.” My eyes drifted to Jack, still asleep, and I sighed. “If you wanna spend some time with him, one-on-one, I’ll go home and wait for Dahlia to stop by my place once she’s done at the shop. Then I’ll drive her back here so she can sign the discharge papers. I know Jack will be excited to see you. He talks about you all the time.”

“He does?”

“Carter, Jack’s your biggest fan. He looks up to you. He sings your songs and tells me all about what you guys do when you’re together. You’re his dad. In every way that is important.”

Carter pinched the bridge of his nose, glancing down.

“Thanks for saying this.” His eyes followed Jack’s silhouette. “It means a lot. Most times, I’m upset for not being around as much as I should—” His Adam’s apple bobbed, and he rubbed the back of his neck. “Thank you for allowing us time together. I freaking miss him. All the time. He’s such a huge part of my life. Of me. Of my brother. He reminds me so much of him—” The fight left him. “Go. We’ll be here when you get back.”

I nodded and tiptoed inside the room to pick up my stuff. Hovering over the bed, I whispered, “Bye, little guy. You’ll have a surprise when you wake up. Sleep for a bit longer. I’ll see you later.” I laid a kiss on his forehead. “Love you.” And left.

Outside, I welcomed the breeze sweeping my face. My angst returned as I climbed into my truck. All the emotions I’d bottled in for the last few hours reached the surface before I could even shut the door.

With a flat palm, I hit the steering wheel as I pulled out of the hospital parking lot.

“Derek, tell me this is a joke. A stupid prank or a dream I’ll wake up from. Please, bro. This day can’t be real—” I inhaled a shaky breath, trying to ebb the frustration tinting my words. My anger bled into helplessness. “I can’t take it anymore. I wish you could tell me it was the last test, or whatever it was.”

My heart sank low in my chest as I pulled into my driveway. It took me a couple of minutes before finding the courage to go inside. My legs weighed like they were made of concrete.

A chill zinged through me.

I stared at the sky. “I know it’s not your fault, bro. I’m sorry, you didn’t deserve my wrath. I love you.” I kissed my fingers and saluted the sky. “I’ll be okay. Maybe not today, but I will. I promise. Talk later.”

Once inside my home, my eyes landed on the sippy cup on the floor and the half-eaten breakfast still on the table.

Knots I thought had previously loosened tied up my insides.

A weight—something big and heavy—pressed my chest, making it almost impossible for me to breathe.

My entire body shook. Images of Jack’s inert body played before my eyes, and I sucked in a breath, trying to not break into pieces.

With languid movements and a sluggish mind, as if I was here but also a thousand miles away, I opened the kitchen cabinet to grab a bottle and a glass.

With a drink in hand, I slouched in a chair, my elbows pressed on the tabletop.

Without overthinking it, I dug my phone out and dialed a number I knew all too well.

The gentle voice, with traces of sleep laced in it, that answered after three rings, soothed the emotional wildfire raging inside me somehow.

“Hey Nick. It’s been a while. Is everything all right?”

“I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?”

“Nick, you can call me anytime. I told you. Whenever you feel the need, no matter how late it is.”

I gulped some air but ended up sobbing. The woman on the other end of the line said nothing. We messaged each other once or twice a week, but we hadn’t talked to each other in over a month.

She let me empty the tears seeping from my heart, her steady breaths bringing me comfort.

Once I cooled off, she spoke again. “Having a bad day?”

“Huh, you could say that. God. This is so messed up. You know the boy I told you about?” I asked, my voice unsteady.

Tremors rattled my body, and I placed my phone on the table, pressing the speaker button. With my face buried in my hands, I swallowed, squeezing my eyes shut as if it could prevent the despair to sink in.

“Jack? What about him?”

“He almost died, Murielle. I was watching him, and he choked on a piece of banana. He almost died because of me.”

“But he didn’t. What happened?”

I gave her a recap of everything that went wrong this morning.

“You saved his life. I hope you know that. You saved that boy’s life, Nick. Why are you guilt-tripping yourself?”

I tried to speak, but the words got stuck in my throat. My breathing idled in my lungs as my muscles spasmed.

After a minute, I cleared my throat. “It’s not—it’s—I don’t know.” My elbow dug further into the wooden tabletop, my face buried in my hand, tears streaming down. “Derek was a child. Jack is a child. They’re both too young to have to deal with death. Back then, Derek’s face kept flashing through my mind. As if it was him I wasn’t able to save. As if I couldn’t do anything to save him. Jack was safe and sound. Still, I kept picturing myself switching off Derek’s ventilator. Stealing the life from him. Stealing his last breath. Forever.”

Sobs tinted Murielle’s voice. She blew her nose before speaking again. “You freed Derek, Nick. Don’t you ever tell yourself otherwise. You set him free. You were the only one strong enough to grant him his last wish. If Derek was here, he’d tell you himself. Because of you, he doesn’t suffer anymore. He’s not stuck in a hospital bed when he should have been playing outside like kids his own age.”

More sobs clogged my throat.

“Nick, for both these boys, you are a hero. No, you couldn’t save Derek. His fate wasn’t in our hands. But you saved Jack. This time, you were allowed to try.”

I snorted.

“You are a true hero, Nick Peterson. Go, hug that kid now. You and he both deserve to put this incident behind you and move forward. You can’t let what happened this morning define your relationship with him.” She paused. “What about his mother? How are things going?”

“Perfect. More than perfect. I love her. Like I’ve never loved anyone before.”

“Then be with her too. She needs you right now. Trust me.”

We exchanged a few other words, and I promised Murielle to call her back to keep her updated the next day. The lining of my throat, raw and itchy, burned. I chugged half my whiskey down, trying to chase the pain away.

A movement by the door caught my eyes. I lifted my gaze, and as if pulled by some magnetic force, I found Dahlia standing there, a rivulet drowning her eyes and cheeks.

She watched me with something I couldn’t define.

How long had she been here?

How much did she overhear from my conversation with Murielle?

My pulse raced at the idea that she learned things about Derek I hadn’t told her yet.

Without a word, she ate the space between us. With a kick to my chair, I moved to my feet, my body trembling.

Dahlia looped her arms around me, enveloping my body with hers.

And I hugged her. With everything I had.

We stood there in silence for a long time, neither one of us brave enough to talk about what she just heard. Our tears mixed. Our breathing blurred together. Our bodies fused.

Time stopped.

Once I regained some of my composure, I stepped back and searched for her hands, craving her love and her warmth.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were the one who unplugged Derek?” she asked. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. Carter texted me to tell me you offered him a chance to take over, and I wanted to make sure you were okay. I was worried about ya. Nick, you should’ve told me. Now I understand things I didn’t earlier.”