His assurance stings, but I can’t forget what he just said. Or the expression on his face when he said it. I pushed him to that point, and he slipped. He wants me. He just can’t admit it to himself.
“Get some rest.” He turns and heads for the door. “You’re going to need it when the time comes to receive your punishment.”
Judge lets me rest in his room for a full week. He doesn’t come to drag me from bed to clean the stables. He doesn’t come to argue with me and tell me to eat. He doesn’t come for anything, as far as I can tell. And I know it’s because he’s steeling himself. When I do see him again, there’s no question he’ll punish me.
Lois is the one to deliver my meals, and I can be grateful for that at least. They are not only edible but also delicious. However, I don’t have faith that it’s going to last. Any day now, Miriam will return, and things will go back to shit. Unless I can find a way to leave first.
When I’m tired of sleeping, I spend my time trying to find a way out. But just like my room, this one is locked up tight. The only chance I’d have of escaping right now is to push past Lois, and I can’t bring myself to do that to her. She’s kind to me, and it’s such a rarity these days I need to maintain our connection for my sanity.
On occasion, she sneaks the dogs up and lets me pet them. She brings me desserts. She even made my favorite, tiramisu. She’s been spoiling me, and I’m honestly surprised Judge hasn’t put a stop to it, but I have a feeling he doesn’t want to know.
It’s a cozy Saturday morning in bed when he finally does make an appearance. When I see the dog collar and leash in his hands and the expression on his face, I know this is it.
I’m already shaking my head when he approaches. “No, I won’t do it.”
“You don’t have a choice.” His voice is hard, probably harder than I’ve ever heard it. It proves that I was right. He has been using this time and distance to regain his control, and his well of empathy, if he ever had any, has dried right up.
I try to scoot across the bed, and he wraps a steely hand around my wrist, halting me.
“Don’t make this more difficult than it needs to be,” he clips out. “You owe Miriam an apology, and you’re going to give her one.”
“I would rather die,” I hiss. “I won’t fucking do it. I won’t. No matter what you say or do! I don’t care!”
Judge sighs, tossing the collar and leash onto the bed before he removes his phone from his pocket. “I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how many friends I have.”
“Good for you.” I glare at him. “You want a fucking gold star?”
“Police, politicians, government officials. The district attorney is one of my biggest admirers,” he goes on. “We have an understanding between us that keeps things simple.”
“What’s your point?” I ask.
He shows me a photo on his phone, and I swallow, my resistance dying in my throat. It’s a snapshot of Georgie outside of his work. But that isn’t all. Judge swipes, and another one pops up. Georgie at his apartment. And then at the studio with Solana. At the police station, presumably trying to figure out where I am. There’s an entire reel of their lives right here. Which means Judge knows where they live and work. He probably knows everything about them.
I drag my eyes up to his face, noting the tension in his jaw. The vein in his neck is pulsing too, and I want to believe that means he doesn’t want to do this. But the truth is, I don’t know.
“I can make their lives very difficult,” he tells me. “You know I can make them absolute hell.”
Tears prick my eyes because I do. I really fucking do. Judge is in the unique position of working in the court system, where corruption runs deep. I’d venture a guess that probably half if not more of his connections are Society. They have a power outsiders couldn’t possibly understand. I’ve heard the stories. They can complicate anyone’s life. They can have them arrested for bogus charges. They can have them sentenced to lengthy prison terms because they looked at someone the wrong way. They could even make them disappear with a simple phone call if they really wanted to.
I don’t think Judge would ever go that far, but does it really matter? Any consequences he decides to throw at Solana and Georgie aren’t acceptable. I can’t allow them to be punished because of my mess.
“You can’t hurt them,” I answer in a brittle voice. “Please.”
He shoves his phone back into his pocket and reaches for the collar. “Then do as you’re told.”
17
Mercedes
Judge finishes securing the collar around my neck and then attaches the leash. He can barely look at me. I know because I’ve been staring at him for the last two minutes. There must be some level of contrition in his heart for doing this, but if there is, he’s not caving to it.
“Ready?” he asks gruffly.
I stare up at him, silently pleading with my eyes. Searching for one scrap of humanity, one ounce of the comfort I know he’s capable of providing. But I come up empty.
“I meant what I said,” I whisper. “If you make me do this, I’ll never forgive you.”
His eyes move over me, and I can see the war in them. I want him to change his mind. I want him to tell me that he trusts me, that he believes me. But he doesn’t.