“Because like I told you before, I don’t want this to be the end. I’m falling for you, Maddie. Hell, I think I fell about three weeks ago. But I have to go back to L.A. to record my album, and then I’ll need to go on tour to promote it. That means being back in the limelight, and if I’m there, you will be too.” He swallowed hard. “If you want to be with me, of course.”
Her breath caught in her throat. “Of course I want to.”
“You don’t sound so sure.”
“I’m just afraid,” she admitted, looking down at her empty plate.
“What is there to be afraid of?” he asked her. “I’ll be with you every step of the way. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Her chest was so tight it felt like her heart was being pushed into her throat. “I’m afraid I’m not good enough for you,” she told him.
Gray winced. “Why would you think that?”
“I’m just being honest.” She shrugged. “Look at you and then look at me. We’re worlds apart. And when people see me standing by your side they’re going to see the same thing I do. They’re going to talk about how you’re batting below your average. How I’m pulling you down. I don’t want that for you,” she said softly. “Or for me.”
He frowned. “Who treated you so poorly that you don’t see yourself the way everybody else does?” he asked her. “Because you’re crazy. Look at you. You’re beautiful, you’re funny as hell, and you sing and play piano like a goddamned angel. If anybody’s batting below their average it’s you.”
Her eyes stung with tears. “There are things you don’t know about me.”
“Then tell me,” he urged.
Her lip wobbled. He walked around the table and dropped to his knees next to her, his warm eyes catching hers. “There’s nothing you can say that won’t make me want you, Maddie. Can’t you tell how I feel about you?”
“I...”
“I’m in love with you, Maddie. It sounds crazy, I know. It’s only been a few weeks, and you’re Ashleigh’s sister, and all those other things stacked against us. But every time I close my eyes you’re there. I wake up smiling every morning because I know I’ll get to talk to you. And when I hold you in my arms, it feels like everything is right for the first time in forever. Since my mom died, I guess. You fill the hole in my heart that I didn’t want to admit was there. So tell me whatever it is that’s making you upset, because I never want to see you cry.”
He pulled her against him, until her head was resting against his shoulder. She breathed in a ragged breath, tears spilling from her eyes. He loved her. The words filled her up. And yet there was so much he didn’t know about her.
“Have you heard of Brad Rickson?” she asked, her lips pressing against his fresh shirt.
He kissed her damp hair. “No. Who is he? An ex?”
Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut. “He was at Ansell the same time I was. We dated for a while. And he just got a contract with your record company.”
“He has?” Gray’s voice was wary. When she opened her eyes again, his were trained on her face.
“Yeah. I should probably remind you who I was before I went to Ansell,” Maddie said, forcing herself to meet his gaze. “I was just a kid. A sheltered one, too. The only time I’d been up to New York was for my interview, and I hadn’t had time to linger. I was the definition of a small town girl, living in a small town world.”
“There’s nothing small about you.” His voice was gruff.
The ghost of a smile passed her lips. “I guess I felt small. Some of that was growing up in Ashleigh’s shadow. I was always Ashleigh Clark’s sister, you know? Just not as pretty or as popular.”
“You want me to tell you how much prettier you are?” he asked, sliding his hands through her hair. “Or I can show you?” He brushed his lips against hers.
She let out a sigh. “Wait. Let me tell you this, then you can decide what you think of me.”
His face was serious when he pulled back, as though he understood the gravity of what she needed to say. His eyes were dark, his mouth a thin line. It made her chest contract.
“When I arrived at Ansell, it was the first time in my life that people weren’t comparing me to Ashleigh,” she told him softly. “And it felt good. Real good. I felt stronger, older, as though people were finally liking me for who I was.” She bit her lip. “And that’s where Brad came in.”
“He saw you for who you were?”
Her voice caught. “I thought so. He was two years older. He’d spent a couple of years playing gigs and supporting bands to earn his tuition, and that age difference was huge to me. He’d been living in New York for years. He played in bars at night, and had a huge group of friends who all seemed so sophisticated.” She swallowed hard. “So when he started talking to me in the hallways, it felt like I was special.”
From the corner of her eye she could see Gray’s hands curling into fists. As though he knew what was coming next. But he said nothing, his expression neutral.
“He was my first,” she told him. “I hadn’t really had a boyfriend before him. That first night he was gentle and kind, and when I woke up the next morning I was already thinking about how to ask him to come home with me for Spring Break so I could introduce him to my family.”