“Did he come with you?”
She shook her head. “He said he was too busy and had to stay in New York.” She shrugged. “But I guess the truth was, he didn’t want to come. So I came home and spent the whole week dreaming of him, before going back and throwing myself into his arms. I was sleeping at his place most nights by that point. I’d go and watch him at a bar, or join him and his friends at a club. I guess I was trying real hard to be part of his crowd, though I still had this nagging feeling that I didn’t fit in. With the girls, especially. They felt a bit out of reach, like they didn’t want to engage with me.” She pulled her gaze from his. “I drank more than I should’ve, in attempt to fit in. And tried some drugs, too.”
“I know how that feels.”
“I know you do,” she whispered. “Maybe that’s why I feel
so connected to you.”
“So what happened between you and Brad? What made you leave Ansell?”
“It was one night, not long before the end of the second semester. We’d been together for a while by that point, though he never referred to me as his girlfriend. Not in public, anyway.” She bit down on her lip. So many red flags, but she’d been too naïve to see them. Too desperate to be accepted. “He’d been singing with his band and the alcohol had been flowing. One of the girls who hung around with them offered me a pill.”
“What kind of pill?”
“The kind that makes everything feel hazy and good. I was buzzing by the time the bar closed. When Brad suggested the girl come home with us for another drink, I agreed, because I didn’t want the night to end.”
There was a tic in Gray’s jaw. She watched as it dipped in and out.
“There was more drinking when we got back to Brad’s place. Tequila, I think. He put some music on, was his usual charming self. And then he started kissing the other girl.” She licked her dry lips. “Then he told me to kiss her, too.”
“Did you?”
“I did. But I didn’t like it. And I started to get upset.” She looked down at her hands. “You probably think I’m a real prude.”
“I don’t think that at all. I know you’re not. But I know I’d never want to share you with anybody else.”
“I started to get hysterical. Accusing him of cheating on me. And Brad tried to calm me down. He took me in the bedroom, kissed me. Told me I was his number one and he’d never want me to do something I didn’t want to do. He suggested I get ready for bed while he got rid of the girl. So I did. I showered because I felt weird, then I climbed into bed and waited for him. At some point I must have fallen asleep.”
“Did he come to bed with you?” Gray asked.
She nodded. “Yeah. And so did she.”
Gray’s eyebrow lifted. “Did he make you?” he asked, his teeth gritted. “Did he make you have a threesome?”
“No.” Her voice caught. “I woke up to the covers bunched around my feet. And, and they were having sex next to me while I was sleeping. I was so confused at first. Still woozy from the alcohol and drugs. I tried to say something, but the words wouldn’t come out.” She pressed her lips together. “I tried to move, to do anything, but it was like my whole body was weighted down. I guess I was lucky that he didn’t take long to finish.”
“The fucker.” Gray spat the words out.
“That wasn’t the worse thing.” She brought her gaze to his.
He frowned. “What else did he do? Did he rape you?”
“No.”
“Thank fuck. But I still want to kill him.”
“He recorded it. The whole thing. Them having sex next to me while I was sleeping. My reaction when I woke up. All of it.” She exhaled slowly. “Though I didn’t know about that until I walked into school the next day.”
“What happened?” He pulled her against him.
She fought against the urge to pull away, to run, to hide. She wanted to curl up in a ball and block it all out again, the way she had for so many years. To forget about the cruelty she’d witnessed. The pain that had shot through her when she realized he didn’t feel the same way she did.
To forget about the way people laughed.
“Maddie?”
She blinked and pulled herself out of her thoughts. “It was all a joke. A bet. They were all members of some stupid club. Some of them had to swindle money out of people. Others had to face their worst fears. And Brad…” she sucked in a shaky breath. “Brad had to humiliate a virgin.”