I stood, but Gideon grabbed my wrist and pulled me back toward him until I was between his legs. It was warm today, but I wanted to look nice, so I wore a short-sleeved button-up shirt and a bow tie. He ran his big hands up and down my thighs. “I’m really proud of you, Milo, and I just… Thanks for letting me tag along for the ride.”
My skin flushed too hot, and not in a sexual way either. The fire inside me burned, all the heat congregating in my chest. Didn’t he know there wouldn’t be a ride without him? Didn’t he know how much he meant to me? “You don’t look it, but you’re very sweet.”
He laughed. “As long as it doesn’t show, my reputation will stay intact. Let’s go.”
Gideon took my hand and held it until we reached the rack by the door where I’d hung my pants earlier. But once I put them on, he didn’t seek out my hand again, and it made me wonder how I was supposed to act around him tonight. I’d held his hand at the beach, but…this was different. His family would be there, and he might not want them to know he was having sex with me—or blow jobs and jerking off with me. Did that count as sex? I figured it did because not everyone liked penetrating or to be penetrated.
Now that the question squeezed its way into my thoughts, it was all I could think about. I’d already made a fool of myself in front of Orlando. What if I did it tonight and embarrassed Gideon? What if he wanted to keep our sex a secret, and I kissed him or touched him or craved him holding me? He’d said he would be there for me, and I believed him. Gideon didn’t lie to me, but he was also so kind he might do something just for me even though it wasn’t what he wanted.
My breathing sped up, and Gideon stopped us just before we walked around to the front of the building. “Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yes.” It wasn’t true, but I wanted to be okay. I wanted this night to be perfect.
He cupped my cheek, brushed his thumb beneath my eye, and kissed my forehead. “You got this.”
I nodded, but I was thinking…do I, though? I was glad he had faith in me because I didn’t.
Rachel was already in the bookstore. Her family would be coming with Cammy. The doors opened at six p.m. because she thought a short evening event would be nice. We’d put out new tables on the cobblestone walkway, and Gideon and I had put up fairy lights on the lattice overhang.
“I still can’t get over this place,” Gid said. He walked to the café area, ran his hand over the blue countertop. We had a beachy theme going throughout the place, with lots of white and light blues and coral.
“You’ve seen it before.”
“I can still admire it.” He winked, and my stomach got oddly fluttery.
Rachel was all business. “We should set the food out before everyone arrives.” She knew how to get shit done. I adored that about her.
We had a bunch of finger foods, some vegetarian and some not, though I wouldn’t be eating anyway. I didn’t like to grab meals off the same plate other people did. It weirded me out.
We organized it three times, the first Rachel not liking how we set it out, the second I didn’t, and the third way we both finally agreed. Gideon stood back and did his thing because he didn’t care.
There was a knock on the glass, and it was Autumn, a local who sometimes helped Rachel out with Cammy if her parents were busy. She had experience as a barista, so I’d hired her for the café.
Eventually, Gideon said, “It’s six. You want me to unlock the doors?”
I nodded without looking at him. When Gideon walked past me, he kissed my cheek, and it helped, which was just plain stupid. How could a kiss soothe me?
When the bell jingled, I tensed up briefly before exhaling a deep breath and straightening my spine. “Hi, welcome to Little Beach—oh geez. It’s just you, Gene.”
The older man chuckled. “Not happy to see me?”
“No! That’s not it. I just thought it was someone I didn’t know, and I had to get my nerves up to greet you.”
Sometimes I didn’t make sense even to myself. I would mostly be fine working at the store every day, but this was a planned event where I had to entertain, and that seemed entirely different.
“You’re about to get your second chance,” Gid said just before two people and two kids walked in. I assumed they were a family.
“Hello. Welcome to Little Beach Books. We’re so glad you guys stopped by. I’m the new owner, Milo Copeland, but please don’t call me Mr. Copeland.” There. That wasn’t so bad.