She walked over to one of the small café tables, and I took the seat across from her. “It’s beautiful, your store. You did a good job with it.”
My pride in Little Beach Books swelled to the surface again. “Thank you. It means a lot to me. I like it here. It’s the first time in my life I feel like I have something that’s mine.”
Mom sighed. Her gaze turned down to her hands, which were locked together on the tabletop. “I just worry about you. It’s normal, you know? For parents to fret about their child. You think it’s just because you’re on the spectrum, but it’s not.”
“Yes, but you do it more because I’m neurodivergent. And I know I’m different. I’m okay with that. I like being me. I like how things make sense to me.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Everyone gets hurt. Everyone gets their heart broken. I know that Gideon might break mine. Odds are he will. He might get to the point where the things he thinks are cute become annoying.”
“Then he doesn’t deserve you.”
I shrugged. “That’s not the point. I still deserve that experience. I’m twenty-four, and I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve never had my heart broken. I never even had sex until Gideon, and—”
She held up her hand. “I don’t need the details.”
“I wasn’t going to share them.” Silence sucked us in for a moment before I said, “If I knew the future, if I knew Gideon would shatter my world and there was nothing I could do to change it, I would still be with him. Not because I’m a glutton for punishment, but because I don’t want my life to be so carefully curated with what-ifs that I don’t live. And that’s tough for me. My brain, logic, tell me that’s stupid, but sometimes in here wins out.” I rubbed a hand over my chest. “And I want it to win with this.”
She swiped her thumb beneath her eye, catching a single tear. “You were always braver than me. It took me years to trust your father, and then I finally did and he left me. The only reason I’m thankful for that experience is because I have you. I would never risk it again, and while I understand where you’re coming from, I don’t want that for you. It’s my job to protect you.”
“No, it’s not. It’s my job to protect me.”
“You don’t really know this man, Milo. Don’t you think it’s interesting that he befriended you straight away? Invited you to move in? Oh, and he just so happens to need you so he can keep his business.”
“Do you think someone can’t like me just for me? Am I not good enough? Do I not deserve that because I don’t see the world the same way other people do?”
“No. I would never mean that. You’re the light of my life. You’re the best person I know, and you deserve every happiness in life, but you also have to be careful. There are a lot of bad people in the world, people who would use others. I’m just telling you to be careful because Gideon has something to gain by being with you. If I ever chose to date, I would have to be mindful of the same thing—of people wanting my money or the business I built.”
I pulled back, closed my eyes. Logic told me she was right. Not that I didn’t trust Gideon, but there were bad people in the world, people who used others; yet my heart knew he wasn’t one of them. “Gideon and I might not last, but he wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t use me that way.”
“I hope you’re right.”
I hoped I was too. “I missed you,” I admitted.
“I missed you too, so much it hurt.” Mom wasn’t the type to speak her true feelings that way, to admit her vulnerabilities to others, but I had always known I was one of the people she trusted.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.” She reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “The hickey is a bit much, don’t you think?”
I tried to cover it.
“Wrong side.”
I’d completely forgotten he’d given it to me. I smiled.
“Oh, Milo, what am I going to do with you?”
“Can we talk about how I have a really hot boyfriend?”
“No, I’m too old, and that’s weird. Plus, I don’t like all the tattoos…and the piercings. Honestly, why would he do that to his face?”
“I like his face.”
“I’m sure you do. Promise me you won’t do that to your body.”
“I’ll do no such thing,” I teased, even though I had no plans of getting tattoos or piercings…I didn’t think.
“I thought you wanted me to like him?”
“I do.” And I knew she would try, for me. But I also knew my mom well enough to know it wouldn’t be easy. She couldn’t flip a switch inside her that way. She was suspicious of Gideon, and it would take a lot to change that. “He makes me happy. I might love him. How can you tell? Did you love Dad?”