I needed to rip the Band-Aid off. My eyes were still filled with tears as I suddenly got up and walked over to my suitcase.
“I have to leave.”
He followed closely behind me. “Kendall, don’t do this.”
“I have no choice.”
“What if this is a lie, or if it’s not…what if the baby isn’t mine? We don’t know anything yet,” he pleaded.
“What if it is?” I screamed.
“Then, it won’t matter. I belong to you. This doesn’t change anything.”
“It changes everything, Carter! Everything. I’ve never felt more pain in my life than I do in this moment. I can’t handle it. If you ever really loved me, please just let me go.” My tears were now blinding me when I whispered one last time, “Let me go.”
My words seemed to have gotten through to him. He stood there frozen as he watched me walk away. I focused on the rolling sound of my suitcase, fighting the urge to turn back around to look at him one last time.
I didn’t.
I needed to get out of the International Airlines gate as fast as possible.
Fifteen minutes later, I found myself at the Lufthansa Airlines ticket desk.
“When is your next flight to Munich?”
After searching the computer, the attendant said, “We have one that leaves in an hour with a stopover in New York.”
I closed my eyes to shun off the immense sadness creeping in as I realized what I was about to do. Everything was flashing before my eyes: Rio, Dubai, Amsterdam, Boca. The love that grew more and more with each step of our journey. I still loved him, and I knew I always would, but I couldn’t risk losing everything. More so, I couldn’t handle the pain. Carter fathering another woman’s baby was just too hard to accept. I loved him too much and couldn’t witness him living out a part of our dream with someone else. I had been looking for signs to help me make a decision. I would say landing that seat next to Cass was just about the biggest sign I could’ve gotten.
Before I had a chance to cha
nge my mind, I let out a long breath and finally answered the attendant. “I’ll take it.”
“LAST WEEK, WE EXPLORED your past, what happened with Lucy. We didn’t have enough time to revisit the situation you alluded to, that brought you here to seek help. So, I think we should delve into that today, if that’s okay with you. I’d like you to tell me about her,” Dr. Lemmon said.
“Alright.”
“Take your time.”
Suddenly, it felt like I couldn’t breathe. The words just wouldn’t come out.
“Sorry. This is just not easy for me. I haven’t spoken about her with anyone. I’ve spent the past several months basically running, spending even less time at home than before because, even though she was only there with me a short time, it’s the place that now reminds me of her the most because it’s where we…” I hesitated, “Consummated our relationship.”
“Tell me about her,” she repeated.
“Her name was Kendall. Uh, is Kendall. I mean she’s not dead. She’s still out there somewhere.”
“How did you meet?”
“At the airport.”
“Not too unusual for a pilot, I suppose.”
“Yeah, but our story was anything but usual.”
The next twenty minutes was spent describing the weeks that Kendall and I fell in love. The words flowed freely until I came upon the hard part.
“So, she called you and said she was meeting you at the airport. It sounded good. You assumed that she was going to take you up on your offer to father her baby. You felt ready to be a father…”