“You worry that he doesn’t like it?”
“Yeah.” Ridley should have known that Julia would understand. Her mother-in-law often spoke about her struggles with weight over the years.
“Well, take a little advice from someone who has gone through quite a few ups and downs in a marriage. Talk to your husband.”
“I’ve tried to. But I wasn’t really sure what to say without sounding hysterical. Maybe I’m overreacting.”
“Honey, if it upsets you, then he needs to know. Just be direct. No hinting. Despite what they think, men rarely understand women and they need all the help they can get. Just lay it out there.”
“Okay, I’m going to do it.”
“Sorry to butt in. I don’t want to be that nosy mother-in-law type but I get concerned when one of my girls doesn’t have her usual sunny smile. You and your sister are truly like the daughters I never had, you know that?”
Ridley leaned over into Julia’s embrace and breathed in deep the scent of flour, sugar and sass. It was hard to feel that any situation was too dire if Julia was there. She managed to make everything seem possible even when things felt hopeless. After a moment, she peeked up at Julia.
“After growing up the way we did, it’s so nice to have a mother again. You’ll never know how much you mean to the both of us. I know I speak for Raina too when I say that.”
Julia wiped away tears. “Oh, now you’ve got me crying! Come here, sweet girl.”
Later, once Ridley was back at home, she resolved to follow Julia’s advice to the letter. She was going to just lay it all out there and they would have to figure it out. Jackson loved her, that was one thing she’d never doubted. Surely they could find a way to go forward that kept her from feeling completely undesirable. Maybe they could just cuddle up a bit even if they didn’t do anything else. But she couldn’t take feeling like she was on the outside looking in with her own husband anymore.
She opened the door to their room and then closed it, the sounds of the kids running around downstairs muted. Jackson looked up from the tablet in his hands.
“Hey, there you are. Did you have a nice time with my mom?”
“I did. Everything looked so beautiful. The ladies are going to have a nice time tomorrow.”
He smiled but it was an absent one that didn’t quite reach his eyes. It was a smile she was becoming very familiar with lately.
“I wanted to talk to you about the other day.”
Jackson sighed. “Me too. I feel bad about that. I hate to see you cry. I’ve been trying to come home earlier to help with the kids but it’s not enough. I’m sorry, I honestly thought that I’d do a better job being a husband the second time around.”
Shocked, Ridley could only stare at him. “What? You’re an awesome husband.”
He scowled, and Ridley looked over his handsome features greedily. God, he was so beautiful it almost hurt to look at him. The smooth, caramel skin coupled with the dark thickly lashed eyes that always made her feel like he could see straight through to her soul. More than that, he treated her like he wanted to see her soul. Ever since they’d met, he’d been one of the only people she’d ever felt completely comfortable being herself with, insecurities and flaws be damned.
“I don’t feel too awesome when I see tears in my beautiful wife’s eyes and know that I’m not making her very happy.”
Ridley started to protest but then remembered her mother-in-law’s words. If they were going to get past this, they had to stop tiptoeing around each other and really talk.
“I haven’t been very happy lately and that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. But I don’t want you to think that you’re not a great husband, because you are. You’re such a loving husband and father. I love you so much.”
Jackson pulled her into his arms. “You don’t know how relieved I am to hear you say that. I’ve been going crazy. I thought you were going to leave me.”
“Jackson. I’m not leaving you. Ever.”
Ridley held him tight, overcome with emotion for this beautiful, sensitive man. Her mother-in-law was totally right. This entire time she’d assumed that Jackson wasn’t happy and he’d been assuming the same thing about her.
“We haven’t had sex in a really long time,” she blurted.
Jackson stiffened against her but she didn’t allow him to pull back. She couldn’t say this if he was looking into her eyes. It was too embarrassing.
“Don’t say anything yet. I just need to get this out. I know I’ve gained a lot of weight so I was wearing that lingerie the other day because I thought it would help. But… well, you saw how that worked out.”
She sniffled against his shirt. Everyone talked about how it was so important to be honest and talk about things but it was much easier said than done. It was so hard to put all your feelings and vulnerabilities out there so plainly. But if she didn’t have the guts to tell her husband what she needed, then neither of them would be happy in the end. And they both deserved better than that. So Ridley blew out a breath and gathered her courage.
“When we got married, you promised you’d try to always