“Oh, I see.”
“Do you?” Eli got up and then knelt on the floor in front of her. “My life isn’t my own. I work and I sleep. I spend each and every day trying to make up for the consequences of a decision I made almost a decade ago.”
She squeezed his hands. “It sounds like you’ve done everything you could.”
“No matter how much I’ve done, it’ll never be enough.”
KAY SAT QUIETLY, watching him with her big innocent eyes. It was a killer to have to be this close to her and not touch her. But he didn’t want to scare her or make her feel uncomfortable, especially now that she knew everything.
“You can ask questions if you want to,” he offered. It would probably be easier to get it all out at once.
“What happened to Justice?” She reached over and grabbed his hand. “Did he survive?”
“Yeah. He was picked up by the FBI and held for questioning, too. I ask about him sometimes. Check on him.” Even though he had to do it discreetly. One of the major provisions of his release was having no further contact with anyone in the organization. If Agent Harris ever found out about it, he’d probably assume that Eli was still a member and ferrying information back and forth.
“I’m not surprised. Even though he got you into something horrible, you still thought of him as a friend.”
“Yeah, I did. Stupid, but I did. He wasn’t cooperative with the authorities, so he ended up serving jail time. He won’t get out until next year.” He squeezed her hand, stunned that she still wanted to be close to him.
“What about your family? You said you left them behind.”
“My parents thought I was traveling. To this day, they have no idea what happened to me during that ‘lost’ year. I never told my brothers either. They all probably think I had some kind of breakdown.”
“That’s not what I meant. I was asking how you could leave them. What could have possibly happened to make you want to leave your family behind?”
“You’re the first person to ever ask me that. The only one who could see inside me and figure out that there was more to the story.”
Kay smiled and put a warm palm on his cheek. “I’ve seen you with your family. You adore them. Especially your mom.”
“Yes. I do.” Eli’s throat tightened. Images of his mom, frightened and hurt, flashed through his mind. “I saw something happen to my mom… Has Jackson ever mentioned our cousins? The ones that live on the west side of New Haven?”
“I’ve met a few. The tall, handsome one that’s a doctor was at the Memorial Day party.”
Eli gritted his teeth. “Handsome, huh?”
Kay bit her lip and grinned at him. He could tell she was trying to defuse the tension in the room. “Well, you Alexanders are known for having pretty good genetics.”
Eli grunted. “Yeah, yeah. Anyway, we all grew up together. Uncle Stewart is the oldest. My father was the second child, then Aunt Maria, and last is Uncle Gordon. He’s the drifter. Every five years or so, he’ll blow through town and then back out again just as fast.”
“If your father was the second son, why did he inherit the farm?”
Eli raised his eyebrows. “Your guess is as good as mine. Apparently Uncle Stewart felt the same way because they haven’t gotten along since. However, for the sake of us kids, they always tried to keep their feud as civil as possible. We played together on the weekends. Grant was as much of a tool then as he appears to be now.”
Kay slid forward until she was perched on the end of the couch. Her breath fanned across his cheek when she exhaled. “So you used to spend time together. What changed?”
“My parents don’t speak of it. I just know what I saw. Uncle Stewart kissing my mom.”
Kay’s hands tightened around his. “No! Your mother wouldn’t do that.”
“It wasn’t her choice, believe me. She slapped him so hard it left a handprint on his face. I was only seventeen when it happened, but I ran up and fought him off. My mom was crying. I wasn’t strong enough to fight him the way I wanted to back then, but I was like a beast possessed. My dad came in then and once I blurted out what happened, he punched my uncle in the face. That was the last time our families got together.”
“I am so sorry,” she whispered.
“She wouldn’t press charges. I couldn’t understand it. I pleaded with her and my dad, but they wouldn’t do it.” He covered his mouth with his hand. He needed to stop talking. Some of the secrets he was telling weren’t his to share. But now that the dam was open, it was like a gaping hole that he couldn’t cover. Everything came spilling out, and he couldn’t hold it back. “It broke something in me, knowing that he could do that to her and get away with it.?
?
Eli was startled when Kay pulled him closer and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. “No wonder you feel so strongly about standing up for women. Because of what happened to your mom.”